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Not quite sure how much more I can stand...

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:46 AM in Matters of the Heart
I am just getting wore out physically and emotionally. I try everyday, but it just seems to get worse. I have siatica down my butt and hip from spinal fusion, and severe arthritis in my big joints. That part is worse with weather, and ours has been cold and rainy lately. It is such a struggle to get in to work everyday and it makes me so mad that they won't let me work from home during the morning hours. It is because the other women at work would be upset. It is so frustrating! I did it for two months after shoulder surgery and did a great job and felt so much better - even after major surgery. As a government employee of 31 years, you would think the government would help their employees - but no, they don't. I am also in financial turmoil and I think I am ready to dump my husband. I told him today that when he stands and screams at me like a five year old having a tantrum, I wish to God that he would drop dead from a stroke so that I would NEVER have to hear it again! God I hate it! He is horrible. He talks that way to our son and it just makes me cringe. Well, i shouldn't say talk, he screams and screeches, it is sickening. As soon as we get some financial issues taken care of, I am going to go see my lawyer again and see where I stand. I would be gone now, except I cannot leave my horse behind. I raised him from a baby and I know that sounds stupid, but he is 18 now and has his own issues. I could not leave him, or sell him. He is mine for life. We have such a bond, I have never experienced anything like it. ANyway, I guess I just wanted to unload. I don't really have girlfriends to talk too, and this is getting hard. I wish with all my heart my husband would learn to speak like a grown up civilized adult - if he could do that, I know we could work things out. I am almost 50 and I am not going to listen to that belittling screeching voice the rest of my life over nothing - that's for sure!


  • Marion,

    So sorry you are not only going through the physical pain, but the crap not only at work, but too at home. That has to be a bear! *HUGZ* Of course, having been there both on the managerial side and employee side, I have a good feel for the games going on there. You've also given me inside detail enough for me to know the 'battle' wouldn't be worth it given the management you have now. I still hold out hope that in some way, it will get better. Yeah I know, hush!!

    The husband part. I guess you are already adding in the affects he is having on your son vs you. Most of us, if it were "just us" we would just go, but when kids are involved (included big 4 legged ones), it makes the mix a whole lot harder, no question! Was he a screamer before your spine and hip issues started, or after? After it could be one of those, "he can't fix, so he yells?" But if he was like that before, not so sure if that can be fixed. It sounds like there is a part of you actually wanted it to resolve, and thus 'having your hubby' back.

    I just wanted to let you know that I am here for you, and while I can't do anything on my end, my support and cyber *HUGZ* for you are always there - free of charge!!! :)

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • I have 2 four legged kids myself (none of the human kind) but I cannot imagine how difficult it is for you to try to do whats best for you and your son..as well as your horse! Im also sure that this stress isn't helping you with any of your physicial issues, either. :( I am glad to see that you are already consulting with a lawyer, so that you areent having to run around and find a reputable one while in ther middle of all of this. We're here if you need to vent, cry, scream......
  • I appreciate the support. I feel a little better today, the weather has finally broke and it's a downpour. I think the barometric pressure causes a lot of havic! Seems like pain is worse before a big storm, while it's building over the mountains or something. UGH.. At least it's almost friday! I know I will work this all out sooner or later, just that some days are worse than others. I appreciate having somewhere to complain and nobody judges me, just listens and it is nice to know that someone out there cares. It means a lot to me!! Thank You all for always being supportive, even when you all are feeling as crappy as me!
  • Marion,

    Glad to hear you are feeling better. :) Nope, no judging here. I'll send you a "Buddy request" so I can make sure not to miss your posts. Support *HUG* to ya Marion. :)

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • HOW DOES THAT WORK!!! I mean I have buddies, but how do you get there each time if you want to see those specifically?
  • Mouse said:
    HOW DOES THAT WORK!!! I mean I have buddies, but how do you get there each time if you want to see those specifically?

    At the top of the message page (this one) you will see an option for your "In Box" and your "Buddies". Once you click on the Buddies button, you will see if you have any buddy requests pending. Then you hit "accept" and confirm "yes" to add a Buddy.

    What is neat about Buddies, you can look at the menu options to the left...you will see below the box with "recent posts", below that is "View Buddy Posts." Then it will bring up all the post headings that your buddies started. I love it, as there are times I would otherwise miss some of them!! :)

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
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