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I have a date

sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:47 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
Not that kind. :< My husband won't let me.

My ACDF C5-6 is scheduled for October 4. My husband is not thrilled with my decision so I'll need your help through this. I definitely can't whine to him or he'll say "I told you so".

I'm dreading it but also looking forward to getting some relief. Also hope to get some strength back in my arm and hand. It's weakened so much more recently that I worry if it will get better? Any idea?
Thank you all for being here for me. I appreciate it.

Hope you all have a good day and a great weekend.


  • You are a strong woman and you will persevere. You will carry with you the strength that we can all provide you. One day your husband will understand and I bet once you get home after the surgery he will still be the loving supporting man that you fell in love with. Stay focused and you will manage just fine.

  • Debbie,
    glad to hear you have a date for your Cervical fusion and hope and pray this take away your pain.
    When you hubby says he is not thrilled with your decision to forward with the surgery it doesn't mean he won't help you afterwards does it? You will need help and support no doubt.
    We can offer you all the emotional support you need and feel free to PM me anytime if you need that. I went through mine C5-6, C6-7 in March 08.
    But realistically you will most certainly need help at home so hope he will be there for you.
    Good luck on your surgery may you have a great success.
  • Good luck,

    I think you have some time to talk to your husband. I haven't been following your story but I can appreciate it.

    When I was deciding on revision MicroD or Fusion, my husband was pushing the fusion and I was not. You see, he was basing his opinion on his cousin's cervical fusions that have been tremendous successes! I was doing a lot of research on lumbar fusions. Finally he realized that lumbar fusions are a bit different. I asked him to come to doctor's appointments with me which helped him understand that there was a lot about the decision.

    We found a surgeon we both liked and we both felt good about the decision for revision MicroD. Even if it failed, I knew my husband would be supportive if I whined or not.

    Good luck....you can whine to us!
  • For your fusion surgery only you know when it's time. I hope you regain strength in your arm and heal completely from your surgery. Don't know if it's possible to bring your husband to your next Surgeon appointment to see how much you need surgery? Hopefully your husband will be supportive of you. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Hopefully your husband will come around. Maybe he is just concerned about you going through surgery, not so much "this" surgery, but surgery?

    My C5/6 herniated over time, and like you had pain, weakness, numbness etc. When I awoke, all and I mean ALL of that was gone! I am guessing it is because of the slowness of the progression of that herniation, no permanent damage occurred? I am wishing the same results for you Debbie!!! *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    Is strong the same as stubborn? As for coming home to that loving, supporting man...again I gotta say my husband won't let me bring someone else home. lol. The poor guy doesn't stand a chance does he? (I hope that sounds like it's intended...I give him a rough time all the time. If I didn't he'd think I don't love him.)

    I hope I haven't given the impression that he's mean to me or that he isn't good to me because he is very good to me. I just don't understand why he's been this way about 'this' surgery. Unless it's the fact that it's a more serious surgery than the ones I've had before. It really made me mad that he acted the way he did and that he still won't talk about it. I feel like after all I've been through with my neck and back he should understand. To be fair though, I'm not one to tell him how I feel and I guess it's unfair of me to expect him to read my mind. I'm so afraid of being someone who complains all the time that I just usually keep it to myself.

    I'm so thankful for you and everyone here. I can write down my feelings much better than I can voice them. I can tell you how I feel because I know that you've been there. That helps me more than you know. Thanks for being here.


  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    Thanks for the support. I explained (or tried to) about my husband in the above post to "C". I'm sure he will help me in anyway he can when he's home. He won't be able to take any time off work that week but my 19 yr old son will be with me all the time and believe me he's like a warden making sure I follow drs orders. lol. Besides, I should be fully recovered in a few days right?? ;) Just kidding.

    Thanks again...I may very well be sending you those pm's.

  • Ha! I haven't seen it yet where my husband could read my mind. If I don't communicate with him, I have no one to blame stuff on but me.

    You should know that you can always come here. Use us and abuse us all you need.

  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385

    I think my husband may be worried about me having this surgery based on info he's gotten from friends and his family. My son says he thinks he's afraid he'll have to do all the things around the house that I do...my thought too sometimes but I'm beginning to think worrying about me is the main thing. (I'm trying to look at it that way) Just as he can't read my mind I can't read his either you know?

    Thanks again. And thanks for the permission to whine...I'll probably take you up on it.

  • Maybe he just scared..poor thing.

    Good luck on your surgery. i just called and scheduled my pre-op for a fusion in December. UGH!

  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    I appreciate your concern. I know that I can always count on you for good ideas and advice.

    I hope he can go with me to my appt on the 28th. I think that would help but sometimes I think it may not. If he hears the risks he may be even more scared you know?

    I hope you're having a good day.
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    Thanks Brenda. I hope that I have good results like you did. My PM dr said my strength may or may not come back but I think that may depend on if I try to rebuild those muscles and believe me I will try. I don't like this weak feeling at all...lol.

    Take care,
  • Oh my goodness you make me laugh! I hope it all goes well.. I am very interested in how it all goes, you gotta keep us updated!

  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    I think it's a mixture of things probably. I'm willing to give him the benefit of a doubt. He isn't very understanding when I'm in pain believe me. Not even when I do tell him. He's not usually the worrying type so that's why I can't understand his actions now. I plan on trying to get him to talk to me about it one more time and if he won't I give up.

    I'm sorry you need to have a fusion soon but if that's what it takes to make life bearable then it's a good thing. I guess the ESI didn't last? I hope you're not in a terrible amount of pain until your fusion.

  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    Thanks. I'll do that. Yeah, I am pretty full of it sometimes...hehe. That's why they love me I guess.

    I'm sure it'll all be okay and both of us will wonder why we worried so much about it. ;)

  • Debbie,

    Hopefully you will get it back. I did for my C5/6, but didn't for my C6/7 - and my NS attributed the loss due to my exit nerve root being damaged as that level herniated fast (rubber band snap like). I will keep you in the thoughts woman that all turns out well. *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • So..no the ESI (my second in a month) did work a little bit but I am also taking naproxen twice a day, neurotin 3 times a day which seem to be helping as well. I also have horrible pain in the morning. I am taking MR and Pain Meds before bed and when I am at home and in pain. I just know it is inevitable plus my doctor could end up out of network next year because the insurance co is giving everyone a tough time right now so I want to get it in before the end of the year.

    Funny, i just got done talking to my husband who said he wasn't worried until last week when I got all weepy and worried about never being able to work again. His response at that time was that I was being silly and overemotional...but see how men work...a week later and he is nervous. Men deal with their emotions so differently so i geuss we just have to deal with it. He is very good about taking care of me when after surgery..this will be my 4th surgery in 5 years and also after all ESIs.

  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    Sure you do. You could blame him anyway. I tell people that no matter which one of us is really wrong it's never me. :D

    I worry about being a burden to him and I feel bad when he has to help me. I've always felt that everything at home is 'my job' since I don't work. I'm the type to jump up to get him or our son a drink or whatever...I never say would you bring me one. It's just the way he acts that makes me feel bad when I need him to help. Like he doesn't really want to do it. The communication problem between us is never going to change. It's just the way it is. Our son is more like me. He doesn't know when to shut up...just like me.

  • I'm so glad you're finally getting to have your surgery!! You've been hurting way too long and you'll do great with it I'm sure.
    And your hubby,don't worry about him,he will come around,us guys are just big pains in the rear sometimes.
    Pm me if its anything I can help you with and goodluck!!
  • Thanks I'm doing well. When you have surgery who's going to get up and get their drinks? I hope you have someone to come in to help you clean while you're recovering. Find out if there's a support group in your city, the people who handle Meals on Wheels may know of a place that helps clean for like two hours for $27. like I get from time to time. Can you start an October surgery post? >:D< Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I was glad to hear the news this morning about having your surgery scheduled. I had a feeling you would be scheduling it pretty soon.

    You have such a great son... he reminds me a lot of my son Zach. Always lookin' out for his mama. ;)

    Your hubby has a couple of weeks to mull this over and the closer your surgery gets, I have a feeling the more questions he will start to ask. I still hope he will go with you to an appointment prior to your surgery, so he will see the full picture. Your son has been with you to an appointment and he knows what's going on.

    Your condition has been getting worse over the past several months, so it's time to kick things into gear and get the fusion done.

    I am still going for team "harmony" on your relationship with your hubby and your fusion as a whole.

    Keep on venting, asking questions, etc. We are here for you and want the very best outcome for our "Sunny1966".

    Thinking of you,

    Tammy :)
  • I suffered DDD, fragmented discs, herniations/protusions, bone spurs and complete collapse of disc. These at several levels of L spine, over the course of 6 years, myself and my husband were totally against surgery. Instead I did ever possible alternative treatment out there. I had months of almost pain free, after trigger point, epidurals, caudals, etc. My last episode 12/22/2009, was my last straw, the hunt began for the BEST surgeon, I was still having treatments. My husband was so against surgery, he did NOT accompany me to any of the NS consults. I picked a surgeon and a procedure. Came home and told him. Wow! He was upset, worried for me of course. We argued, my NS said ALIF, which really feaked hubby out! back surgery from the front, sounded crazy to him.I set a surgery date
    7/6. went for family consult 6/30, was awful! Husband grilled doc. Ok long story short I delayed surgery & went with my husband for 4 more NS consults. Rescheduled with original NS 8/24. FINALLY, my point, my difficult, totally against the surgery, husband spent the last 3 weeks waiting on me hand & foot, several complications, 2 trips to ER, 5 days in hospital and he never once through it all said told you so. Stuck by me through it all. Have faith in your spouse! He might surprize you!
    Best of luck with what ever you do!
  • Debbie,

    Hopefully you will wake up from surgery being pleasantly surprised and just feel surgical pain. I can tell you after three of my surgeries I was home by myself and did just fine. Well heck there was no one there to tell me I wasn't doing fine, so of course that is my opinion. But this last one I did have a friend come for a few days and it was a tremendous benefit to me.

    Oh your H, maybe he is really more nervous than anything and feels if he gives his okie dokie on it and something happens he will feel at fault for it. Not that anything is going to happen, but your in pain afterwards and he feels bad for it. I don't know men are from mars women are from venus, so you never know do ya, but it is fun figuring it out? But the other thing is till you had that pain, you have no idea how bad it really is.

    Anyway good luck on surgery and lets hope your recovery is short and back out enjoying life with him or should I say harassing him back. JK.
  • Hi Debbie, first want to thank you for all the support you have so freely given to me, it really has helped.

    I and all the members will surely be here for you anytime you need support. No one can make this choice for you or can know how you truly feel, so I am confident your choice is a good one.

    As always I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    God Bless
    AL S
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    I know what you mean about the insurance. I hope ours doesn't change next year but I'm afraid it will and not for the better. Hopefully if you have to have the surgery it can be done before the new year.

    If my husband was to see me crying he'd probably panic. That's something I rarely do no matter how much pain I'm in.

    I'm sure it will work out however it's supposed to be. I like to think so anyway. Husbands-what would we do without them? Hmmmm??

    Let me know what you find out about your surgery.
    Have a good day.
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    I'm glad you're doing well. Have you had all the esi's you're getting this year?

    I'm blessed in that I have plenty of family who would gladly come and do anything for me if I'd only ask. My husband and son will do all the cleaning and stuff. I'm a neat freak I guess you'd say and the slightest thing out of place drives me crazy. I don't complain no matter how they do things when I can't though. I appreciate their efforts.

    It's not so much the 'work' that I need my husbands support/help with. It's the way he makes me feel like if I'm sick or whatever I'm a burden to him and that he resents having to do things. It's hard to explain and honestly it may all be in my mind.

    I hope you have a nice weekend Charry.
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    Thanks a lot for your thoughts and prayers.

    I had written you a long reply and *poof* it went away when I hit send. Don't you hate when that happens? So I'll just say thanks and I'll email you soon ok?

    Hope you're having a good weekend.
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    I hope you're doing well now. Are you recovering nicely?

    I hope you're right and he does surprise me. All I want is a little caring and understanding from him. I don't really want him to "do" anything for me you know?

    Last night I tried to talk to him about the surgery and he said "dad said you're crazy". First thought of mine was so what?? (condensed version of that thought..hehe) But I said well, I'm 44 yrs old and I hope to live a few more years at least and I'd like to be able to use my left arm, have less pain and sleep a little better if I possibly can. He didn't say another word about it.
    Sometimes I feel like saying to heck with it all.

    I'm glad your hubby is taking such good care of you now but sorry for what he put you through before the surgery. It's hard enough knowing you need surgery without having to deal with all this other stuff isn't it?

    I hope you're having a good day. Thanks for your reply.

  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    I can't imagine having to go home alone after surgery like you have. Of course, I can't imagine being home alone these days. My son has his college classes online so he is home all the time.

    You're right about men...enough said before I start something. lol.

    Don't worry, I'll be harassing him ASAP. Have to keep him on his toes!

    Maybe I'm just being to emotional right now with worrying about everything. I'm sorry for unloading all of it here.

    Thanks for your help tamtam.
    Take care,
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    Thanks. I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers.

    I hope you're doing ok. Are you feeling any better? Are your pain meds helping better now?

    Take care and I'll send you a pm soon.
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