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Feeling much better about surgery

sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:47 AM in Depression and Coping
A lot of you know what a hard time I've had while leading up to this surgery(acdf c5-6) My husband has been totally against it and wouldn't even talk to me about it. I felt so bad...like I was going to do something to hurt him. Why? I don't know. I finally told him that I was sick of him making me feel bad about it. I told him that while he should be encouraging me and telling me how much better I will be all he'd been doing was pouting. I also told him that if he couldn't be here for me now that I didn't need him to even go to the hospital with me. He acted like he didn't know what I was talking about of course! Well anyway, he's doing better now. He went to my appointment with the surgeon Tuesday and to my pre-op. He still doesn't know anything about the surgery really but I guess he doesn't want to so that's fine. I just wanted to let those of you that have supported me in this know what's going on in my little *soap opera*.

Hope you're all having a good day.


  • Glad to hear that you are doing better and that you have opened the lines of communication with your husband. I found that it doesn't matter if they understand or not, it's just so important to have the exchange of information. That's great that he went with you to your pre-op and appointment. At least now he can put a face to the name of the doc and start that all important relationship of supportive spouse and doc.

    Have a good day and stay strong!

  • Good to hear your husband is there for you went to your appointments and being more supportive. Best wishes for your upcoming surgery. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Thank you for posting this.

    Good for you in speaking your mind to your hubby. I am glad he went to the appointment with you.

    You're just days away from surgery and while you start getting things ready around the house, I hope he starts to ask why you are doing this and that.

    You know I will be waiting to hear how the surgery goes and will send you an E-mail later on. I have been in a funky mood this week, but trust me... you are always in my thoughts.

    Talk to you soon,

  • Well, this is a relief and I'm so glad you posted. I can almost guarantee you that when he sees you right after surgery, he'll understand how serious it is and how much he'll need to step up to the plate.

    I'm glad you talked to him and that things are looking better.

    Take care, my friend. You know that we'll be here for you, too, any time.
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    for youre hubby to be involved. After my surgeries I depend on my wife to understand what the surgeon is communicating to her. There WILL BE instructions and appointments that you may not understand, post op. And it's crucial that he be a "team" member. He NEEDS to be there for you! This is a big deal. And he will be a integral part of the "team"
    Good luck, Jim :)))
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • Debbie, know you have been in my thoughts since we talked last week. Your still in my thoughts and will be!
  • Debbie,
    I won't get into my long history, I suffered almost 7 years, my husband & I were originally against surgery, So over the years, I have done everything under the sun, to keep on keeping on. My last episode was in Dec 2009. Living hell again.....blah blah, did injections, caudals, massage therapy, p/t, the whole 9 yards, NO relief, started seriously considering surgical alternative. My NS who treated me for the past 5 years with injections, epidurals, caudals,..... was NOT, who I wanted to do my surgery, for a couple of reasons.
    The hunt began, my husband of 20+ years, wouldn't hear of it. I basically interviewed 4 NS & 1 OS by myself. My husband never once attended any visits! I picked my NS & vascular surgeon, I had an ALIF. Told my husband, he was sure (for my own good) he would talk me out of it.
    I set a date July 7, he went nuts, we went to our PCP who tried to talk sense to him, he would not give in. We fought, I finally got an appointment for my husband to met both surgeons, June 29, just a week out, my husband GRILLED them both, blind-sided them & decided he could not stand my NS nor the procedure. Bottom line, I postponed my surgery it was that or divorce court!

    He then took interest, we revisited some of my earlier consults, and even added another NS to the mix!
    In the end, on Aug 24th, I had my originally planned procedure, with the original docs!

    Since the surgery, over a month now, the man serves me hand over foot, bathing, dressing, cooking, driving me to every visit doc, p/t, picking up my meds, 2 middle of the night ER trips, he shaves my legs! I mean you name it! It brings me to tears! and I often feel guilty, but kinda like the attention.

    So give your husband that extra man thing they gotta do first, you know, that feather thing the birds do, LOL! He loves you, he will be there, just like my man. He, I am sure is really just scared to death, which men (some men) dont always want to face.

    Wishing you all the best with the surgery, your recovery & with your husband! Hang in there girl he will surprise you!

  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    If not for the support of all of you here I would probably have given in and cancelled the surgery. Thanks for making me see that it is me who matters right now. I've always put everyones needs and wishes ahead of my own. I always try to take care of everyone but now I need to take care of me...so I can continue taking care of them. :D

  • So glad he may be coming to his senses!

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