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So many limitations...... am I alone?

VickiVVicki Posts: 57
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:47 AM in Chronic Pain
They're are so many things due to chronic pain I cant do anymore. The list is endless and Im depressed. Will someone help me by sharing their limitations so I dont feel so alone? I even have to sell my car because I can no longer get in and out of it.It just seems like everythings been taken from me and I am not enjoying my life anymore.


  • Hello Vicki!

    Sorry you are down. We've all been there as you probably know. Due to nerve damage I can't drive my car anymore, and will be selling it. See it is manual (I've always driven manual), and I don't have the arm strength to move the stick far right and then back for reverse! It also sits low, and that gets painful getting in and out - so been driving our SUV (automatic).

    Can't walk far without pain and weakness in the front of my thighs, so I now use a cane (helps a lot). No more bowling, wall climbing, regular swimming, roller coasters etc. Lots of things have changed for me as well. Sadly I do miss them, but on the bright side, I have just found 'new' things to do that too give me pleasure.

    Vicki, instead of focusing on what you can no longer do, start redirecting your focus on how you can still do things, ...but differently! Like driving, I switched to a more comfortable vehicle. I now bowl on "Wii". It's pretty realistic actually! (G) My hubby helps me make the bed now (new), and that creates 'us' time. Things like that. Chronic pain is a pain, no question. Hopefully you will work this through. Gentle *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • No Vicki, you are not alone. All of us have had to give up so much because of our chronic pain. We have all learned or are learning how to live our "new" lives.
    It has not been easy. We have all greived our loss....then picked ourselves up and moved on as best we can. We will never have our old lives back and we know it.
    But we still have a life....the most precious thing in this world. True, it's different but it's still a life and we live it within our new limits.
    To go through this greiving proccess is normal but you will know when it's time to let go and move on.
    You will have a life again but it will be different.
    Sending a hug coz you need it.
    Patsy w
  • I am so sorry you are going through all this ((hug))!

    I still have my rough patches from time to time but try to accept my new "normal".

    What I miss:

    1. taking a bath - I can't get up or down any more
    2. shaving my own legs
    3. working
    4. cleaning my own home MY way
    5. cooking nice dinners for my family
    6. skipping with my grandkids
    7. walking without a cane
    8. being able to go to flea markets or yard sells
    9. putting on my own socks
    10. putting on my shoes myself
    11. wearing high heels
    12. going for walks
    13. taking trips

    The list goes on and on, I listed things I have missed or still do miss. Some of them I don't miss as much as I use to. I only listed them as you requested we do, so you don't feel alone.

    You are not alone - most of us are or have been right where you are - some the same some different things we feel rob of.

    Please trust us when we tell you that in time you will find ways to replace what you now miss. We each must reinvent ourselves ;)

    Please also know you have people here who care ((hug)) :)
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • but whenever I start feeling sorry for myself, I take a ride by the local bus station. Lots of the disabled hang out there -- sort of their social club. People in electric wheelchairs because they can't stand or use a regular chair, some can't even sit up in their chairs. Some have oxygen tanks. Then there are people who can't even get outside. Heck - I figure I've still got it pretty good.
    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
  • Seems we all have lots of limitations. I changed from my compact stick shift to my mid sized automatic SUV. Easier to get in and out of and well I can't really do the clutch thing when my back is screaming. I shop a lot online. I try to do all things I used to do but I prioritize. It's more important to go to the movies with the family then it is to fold the laundry. I can't do both so I choose whatever is more important at the moment, by the way family is always more important.
  • As some of the others have mentioned, I too had to sell my car and get something different, something I could drive without causing myself too much undo discomfort. Also I have become very adaptive. I find new ways to do old things all the time!

    Instead of seeing limitations as defeat, I see them as an incredible challenge.

  • Hello Vicki,

    We know exactally how you feel!!! I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my fusion has not "fixed" me the way that my surgeon said it would!!!1

    Granted I was never overly active person......but I really really loved playing Volleyball....I can no longer do that....I loved playing horseshoes, going bowling, playing frisbee with my Border collie and playing Pool.....I have only been able to do only one of those things since my surgery almost 2 and a half years ago.......

    My GREAT Hubby takes me to play pool still.....I LOVE it but it does hurt, pretty bad sometimes but I REFUSE to let my "new" life keep me from everything!!!

    Just keep in mind that no matter how down we get there is always tomorrow that might not hurt SO bad!!!

    You will be in my thoughts!!!
  • It is so hard to accept the new life that we face with chronic pain. You are definitely not alone. We all face challenges every day, the trick is not to give in to them. I try not to focus on the things that I can no longer do, and celebrate the things that I can do. They might differ from day to day, but I always try to look for the positivity, or try to turn a negative into a positive. People have been talking about their cars, so I'll use mine as an example. It's a standard, and it really does hurt me to drive most days. Manipulating the gear shift and the working clutch cause so much pain, but the days that it's not so bad, I'm grateful, and the days that it is bad, I think, well at least I can still drive. I'm stuck with this truck (well, SUV) because I can't afford to get a different vehicle at this point, so I think, at least I have a vehicle, so many people don't.
    It's a hard frame of mind to maintain when in so much pain, but it really does work (for me at least). Celebrate what you're able to do today that you couldn't yesterday, no matter how small a feat it is. Make it into a big deal, and you'll begin to feel better emotionally and psychologically. It's all baby steps.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Sure there are some things that we can't do. It sounds like the manual car is a biggie here. But that doesn't mean you can't drive.

    But I think Lilac Polly hit on the real truth. We can't do everything but we can do the things we want to do. Choose wisely where you spend your energy. And make compromises not eliminations. Take the kids to the movies and then have them fold the laundry (better have them do it first or it won't get done :) ). Play pool but maybe not as long or watch others some of the time. Dole out the good time that you have so you get the most from it.

    And then find things that you can do to fill in the other time. This past weekend a friend was dumped by her BF. She is lost because she had made her life revolve around him. I asked her what she liked to do and she couldn't get past knitting. By the end of the conversation she realized she likes line dancing and shes going back to the gym.

    It's not easy to have things taken away. And it's appropriate to mourn the loss. But then you have to put yourself back together and remember that you still have a life to live.
  • These guys are right, it is sort of a grieving process. When I first came here, I thought, yea right – whatever. I was mad as hell! I still am to a point, but I am trying hard to just deal with it and find a way to accept it. Never thought “I” would be saying that. These guys are right though, there is really no other option. It does suck! I personally will never ride my beautiful black stallion, my dream horse again. I know he misses it as much as I, but it’s over. That was probably and still is the hardest thing I’ve dealt with. I still can’t think on it too hard or I’ll just friggin bawl, I get so mad and bummed and every other emotion. I used to take him to the mountains every weekend and just me and him, take off on some gorgeous pine trail, smelling the pine and feeling the hot sun, it was heaven! I have a gorgeous walk thru garden, with fishponds, pathways, archways, gorgeous flowers, benches; its’ been a work in progress every since I bought the house about 20 years ago. I can hardly do a damn thing out there anymore and that really, really makes me mad! My son does help me and will plant or dig, or do whatever I ask him so at least I can still enjoy it somewhat. Oh, it is a big bad deal, no doubt about it. This pain thing has put me thru every gammet of emotions possible and it is a never ending journey. There are many of us walking the walk, don’t feel alone – you aren’t. Take care - Marion
  • You are definitely not alone.
    Chronic pain makes us adjust things in life.

    My PT helped me look at things in a more positive manner. When I told him I had to give up running. He told me, I did not. I said, yes, I do.

    He then said, we'll you can give it up OR you can prioritize it to the bottom of your list so I didn't feel like I was giving it up. I didn't understand that concept but he made a great point. He asked me "If someone was chasing me, would I run to get away?" I said, yes. He said, see...you aren't giving it up, just prioritizing it to the bottom of your list.

    That little exchange helps me when I get down.

    But you aren't alone.
  • Ok I have to say that is the funniest and most wonderful thing I have heard...."Your not giving it up...." That is awesome, thank you for that!!! =D>
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