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no one understands

edited 06/11/2012 - 8:48 AM in Depression and Coping
I am at work this morning after missing a few days, the people on here know how a severe back spasm can hurt or put you down where you cant walk for days or weeks at a time. I came in to work this morning and everybody seems to think my walking cane is a clothing accessorie , one guy told me you are only 45 my dad is 79 and doesnt have to use a cane , I just want to go somewhere in a corner and die..Nobody here at work understands the amount of pain I endure every single day it makes me so mad I just want to give it to them and let them go through just one day with this I AM SO MAD I WANT TO SCREAM AT THEM!!


  • I was 44, when I started using a cane at work. A guy too, in an office area with 600 people each day. I have had every dumb remark, including - "your cured" on a day months later, when I did not have it.

    I can only suggest that we ignore a lot of the stupid remarks.

    On the other hand, I have had a GM - point to me, when a occupational therapist showed up to go over the job, of a person who has been playing the system for years. He cannot work - but can drive 50 miles on the weekend - on an ATV. Comes to work - picks up a rake - and goes out for another six weeks. His meds are advil - because his Dr knows he uses a 24 of beer a day, to medicate. His Dr will not script anything else, cause all this guy wants, is a pill to fix him.

    The point - is that the GM pointed at myself, I was working, walking - using my cane and getting through the day. Yes I am slow some days, fast others, I have good - bad - indifferent and yes - I even walk into work at noon, on some days and only stay a couple hours, but I keep going.

    I have done it this way for 26 years. There may come a time when I stop, but not yet. I carry my cane and canes - with honor, they allow me to move!
  • You have to ask yourself if it really matters. You know what you feel and that is all that counts. Sometimes HR can help but often that just causes more friction. I would imagine that the people making comments are either uncomfortable and don't know what to say or jealous of the time that you take off. As you say they should get to enjoy one of those great days. lol

    In the end if really doesn't matter what others think.
  • I don't know if you are old enough or into retro TV but on the Smothers Brothers show in the late 60's Ruth Buzzy was always whacking someone with her Umbrella!

    Tell'em to shut up or you'll use your cane on them!

    Honestly they just don't get it and just because dear old dad doesn't use one does not count for squat. My grandfather passed away at 62 and had been using canes for 20 years. That was back around 1972 and knees and hips did not get a replaced.
    How do we judge our own medical condition compare to others when we rarely see the same people with the same injury.

    While going through my third round of PT there was a 17 year old girl that showed up after being hit by a car, thrown 30 ft, fusion, neck sprain or some such thing and I watched here get re markedly better in a very few weeks. My therapist saw me and figured out that I was somewhat perplexed by her remarkable recovery.

    He told me that she is 17 and don't compare yourself to her. Young athletes, which she is, heal really fast and usually really well. Being an athlete the ligaments tend to be more flexible and everything heals quicker.

    That's neither here nor there on this though.
    An "accidental" whack on the shins might shut your coworkers up, though I would not go that route. could back fire on you.

    Oh, My dad is 80 and does not use a cane. He has had quad bypass, plus half a dozen stents placed in his legs to get the blood flowing and allow him to walk decently again.
    Mom is 76 and she has compression fractures, one knee replaced, other is shot and she does not use a cane around the house and she leans on shopping carts when going to the store.

    Hope you feel better soon.

    Everyone is different, please just ignore any wise cracks about the cane. Unless it is truly mean spirited, then I'd ask them to stop.

  • Thank you all for the support, it just hurts that people are so mean and cruel to those who have disabilitys..I was strong once and could do anything. They really would have give me down the road if they had seen me at home having to use a walker ..
  • Kentuckygirl,

    I'm sorry that your down. Our pain can get worse when we are down or sad. As to the idiots at work (or elsewhere) who try and compare you to other older people with your cane - forget them!! I think I suffered more than I needed to because *I* didn't use support when I needed, as I was too concerned with what others thought. To hell with em woman! I use a cane now (48), and it allows me to do more 'normal' things with my hubby again. That alone raised my moral!

    I hope you are feeling better soon. Oh, as to the cane, try getting a "pretty" one. I find (I experimented here) if you have the regular black or brown cane, people make negative comments. With my pretty canes, I get compliments or they help strike up fun conversations of all things! Gentle support *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • That's when you take your cane and whack him across the shins with it! LOL, just kidding. Maybe just picturing it will help as you count to 10? ;) I have to agree with Kris, does it REALLY matter what these people think? If it makes me you feel better, put him in his place and ask "well, does your 79 year old father have a bad spine and live EACH and EVERY day in constant unrelenting pain?"
    However, there's no explanation we could give that would make people like that understand. They are ignorant of chronic pain, and couldn't possibly understand even if you try to explain it. We have a saying in the military, especially for when on course and the Sgt is constantly screaming at you, lol: "Let it roll like water off of a duck's back!" Turn a deaf ear, ignore those people and carry on, don't let it get you down. We also have another little joke... If someone is being a complete jerk, just smile and say "Have a nice day!" and walk away. It's our code for a big "F" you, while being polite. It always makes me giggle, as when you turn and walk away, it leaves them scratching their head wondering what you just meant by that! =))
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
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