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I feel like crap

sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:49 AM in Depression and Coping
You know I always considered myself a "strong, stable minded person". Now I'm beginning to wonder.

I'm beginning to wonder why I try? Why do I keep pushing myself? Why the hell do I even get out of bed?

I tried to do some shopping today but just wasn't into it. Then coming home my back hurt so much I had to stop beside the road and get out and walk around the car until I could even drive the rest of the way home. Didn't help that it was only 10 degrees either.

Sorry you all. I'm not being very encouraging am I?

Anybody want to join my club "woe is me???"



  • Howdy Debbie,

    Sorry to hear you're feeling down. Just like Virginia was shown that there was a Santa Clause, yes we have bad days!! Thanks to my fur kids fur clogging up under my refrigerator (I always wiped the vents, but didn't realize most of the fur got past!) my frig died late last night.

    After looking at the wiring diagram, my hubby and I decided the capacitor might be bad, so we went about taking it apart, and taking the capacitor out. He's gonna get a new one tomorrow and I'll put it all back together. Now, why the mention of my frig dying due to fur...

    Dumb me since we pulled it out, what did I do? I swept out the area, and scrubbed it. When I stood up, walked about 3 feet and screamed in ridiculous pain! Then for about 45 seconds most of the front of my left leg went numb (new for me). I then did more bending to put the covers back on the frig to once again make it "cat proof", 3 steps and the scream from within returned!! Right now I can only find relief by sitting here with my lower back arched. See, we all overdue my friend, we ALL do!!!

    Big understanding ***HUGZ***

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    What did you do that fur? HEHEHE.

    Honestly though I was in this same crappy feeling mood before I even went anywhere today. That just topped me off. It just gets so old...it never ends. BUT it could always be worse I know. I KNOW THAT so why am I complaining? I'm sorry, I'm ashamed of myself. My life is good, it really is and I'm thankful. I really am.

    Hope you feel better soon Brenda and that you don't pay for the fur removal even more tomorrow. If you're like me you never even thought twice about doing that. It's hard to change a lifetime of habits of doing whatever needs to be done. Hope you sleep well.

  • Debbie,

    Hehehe... Actually it's not the fur that is killing me. I was working on my refrigerator with the hubby. We do most electrical and appliance work ourselves. I did most of my disassembly of it laying on my side on the floor. Getting up was the fun (NOT) part! I just know I haven't "screamed" like that in a while. Sniff...

    Now Debbie, as for your mood and such. This time of year a lot of NORMAL people get down. Could be that you've put a lot of expectations on yourself, and maybe you don't feel your meeting those self induced goals? Believe me, there was a lot of stuff at my very busy family reunion last month I had no interest or energy to do, but did them because. I think maybe you should allow yourself a break and relax. Take some deep breaths and regroup my friend. Big *HUGZ* :)

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • I would love to join your club. I'll remain a member throughout the holidays. I am sorry that you had a bad time of it and I understand. I'm sitting here doing something very un-natural, crying my eyes out. My heart is broken and my Christmas (the gift giving part) is ruined. It isn't that I care so much for myself, but the gifts that I wanted to buy for my sons now , well I can't until AFTER christmas, the money has been put to a better use in someone elses eyes I suppose. Now I am expected to watch his family open up gifts, but not my sons. I actually never do this, talk like this.. and it really hurts.

    I'm sorry that you are hurting and I do hope that it is all worth it come Christmas Day, and that you & all of us can then have less pressure and pain from all of the extra work and stress that we have.
  • I know this is Debbie's thread, but I could feel the sadness and a touch of anger. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. I've never merged my money with my other half. We have completely separate credit cards, bank accounts etc. I am gathering you have merged accounts such that you can't buy presents? Okay, I won't pry.

    I mainly wanted to give you a supportive *HUG* and let you know we care. :)

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • I have been in terrible pain for the last three days. My right side is so weak and heavy I can barely hold my water to dring. I walk past the tree and want to cry because I cant physically participate in xmas activities. This sucks!
  • No, we have seperate accounts. All of that *stuff* I spouted off (another thread) was true, but I guess karma came along and bit me for thinking that I knew more than I did. Maybe I deserve it, but my sons are the ones that .. oh who am I kidding, they are grown and will not sit around bawling like I am. I saved money for this, but he...., and was going to make sure that it all worked out for Christmas. Now he's got the attitude that Christmas is a pagan holiday.. but that idea only extends to giving to each other and my sons. I guess it is not pagan with his family.. and he spent money I had saved and other money on himself (unlike him really). Normally I wouldn't care, any other time, but this is my sons Christmas and I only buy for them at Christmas and Birthdays. They are not his sons, but we have been together for over 10 years and I'm not seeing any compassion on his part. I don't have credit cards, but he does..if he wanted something on credit for himself he gets it, if he wants something with cash, he gets it, but I have had to save because I'm on a limited income. I pay the house payment & food. I'm sorry, I'm just very sad and heartbroken, and think that he should let me use his credit card (of the money he used) and I could still pay back if the interest went over, but I won't ask because he ought to know. He ought to know better than to expect me to watch his family open gifts from us, knowing that I have not bought my sons their gifts this year.

    sunny, I am really sorry.. but you did ask if anyone wanted to join your club (lol).. and I had to get this off of my chest. The truth is that I don't think very good whenever I'm emotional and I don't even know if I'm right to feel this way because my emotions are clouding my logic tonight.
  • Separate accounts, but he has access to yours then? Only seeing a sample of what your money relationship is, I would open a new savings or checking account surreptitiously and keep it secret. As for a credit card, once you've squirreled away some money, apply for your own credit card(s). If he has issue with that, you might want to stand up to him and tell him tuff!

    I'm sorry Robin, I guess this hits me as when I was tiny, my parents divorced and "he" took everything from her. My mother had to work 16 hour days in a dry cleaners to make ends meet. From that experience I've always been one to never allow any man, or anyone to have access or control over my money and finances. Sorry if I overstep.

    Grown or not, *you* as "mom" should have the right to give YOUR sons presents for Christmas. I'm here for ya, and will continue giving you supportive *HUGZ*. 8>

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • i cant do any shopping now so i hand the money to my daughter and tell her to go do it for me and have a ball. the smile on her face makes me happy. she loves spending her mothers money. i love it.
  • hi! i am having a terrible time getting shopping done and being in so much pain.. not only is it the shopping but then there is the wrapping too!! i am a complete mess of a person and feel so bad and here is it the holidays... thank goodness i am almost done and had the help of my husband. this time of year seems to add so much physical work to it that it makes christmas a really difficult time of year.... good luck to you! you are not alone! Jenny
  • Sorry you do, it is not nice at all.

    I have decreased my activites, to try to help with the discomfort I am feeling.

    After 30 days of this - I am feeling a bit better.
  • I'll join that club also. I did any shopping online as I can't go out and I don't drive so I can understand how hard it is do things. I just had another flood in the basement and almost killed myself toweling it up and moving boxes and weight equipment and then called the insurance company who now have to come in daily to finish the floors after drying out the basement. I'm about done with living in a house and want to move to an apartment. We just have to keep moving on no matter what. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • The club...
    I never know what to do, my wifes birthday is this month too, I get hit with a double wammy of trying to buy gifts for a woman who wants and needs NOTHING.

    We have an ours account that pays all our expenses and we have personal accounts, my wife makes three times what I make. That's fine, part of the reason I married her was that I knew she would be better at getting through this life than I would have done on my own. My parents are horrible financial examples. I have learned to save, not use a credit card I don't have cash to pay off when the bill comes etc;

    What I feel during this season is totally lost.
    I don't know what to buy for anyone, if I get lists I can't find the stuff, if I buy the stuff, she changes her mind and takes it back! The boys are easier they know what they want, everything! My parents, ugh, they get gift cards to a restaurant as they won't go out to eat on their own money.

    Still, I truly wish that this was indeed a pagan ceremony as I believe they simply built a bonfire danced around drunk till they passed out and gifts were not needed to prove you cared...

    I am watching the weather and truly thinking about doing the bonfire on the Solstice, why not?
    I got a BIG fire pit and a bunch or firewood that is starting to rot and has termites in it here and there!

    Hope all of us in the club find a merry something or other this season!
  • ROFL Wrambler, my bf is pagan, that made me laugh so hard!!! Thanks! What about a spa package, like a massage or mani and pedi? I love gifts like that! It feels great to be pampered like that once in a while!

    It is hard shopping at this time of year, the crowds, the rude and irritable people. It's Christmas!! Everyone should be "merry" but sadly it isn't so.

    The online shopping is great, especially if family lives out of town (or on other side of the country like ours) you can have it delivered directly to them.

    Robin I'm so sorry that has happened to you. I just don't know what to say. Howe incredibly selfish of him comes to mind, but I'll keep my comments to myself. Oops, I guess that didn't work out too well, did it? ;)

    Charry! Another flood? Wow, I hope the damage wasn't too bad!!

    Sunny, I haven't been in the mood for christmas at all either this year. I made myself haul out the decorations and tree the other day, and am now paying for it dearly. Sometimes we need that little pity party so that we're able to move on with it, and I think we are entitled to have them every once in a while. Hope you're feeling better!!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I can only imagine how you feel because we only have one son and I can't imagine not being able to get him something for Christmas. Many times it may not be much but always the best we can do.

    You don't need to appologize. I wanted to know that I wasn't alone in feeling bad. I'm just sorry so many are suffering through a rough time too. It does show me that my problems are petty compared to many. It's not so much the holidays that are getting me down it's the continuing pain and just pure aggravation I guess.

    I hope that things change for the better for you real soon. I've found that in times when I couldn't see a way somehow things worked out. I need to remind myself of that sometimes.

  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    I don't know what beliefs any of you have and I don't want to offend anyone but I was just thinking and remembered a poem I read somewhere many years ago that really fits the way a lot of us feel. I'm not a strictly religious person either, it's just one of those things that have stuck in my mind. I don't remember who the author was and I may mess up a few of the words but I thought some of you may appreciate it...

    Only God can make a snowflake
    Drop of rain or grain of sand.
    Only God can carve a mountain
    Shape an ocean with his hand.

    Only God can paint a sunset
    Curve a rainbow in the sky.
    Tell the birds that flee from winter
    When to leave and where to fly.

    Only God can give me courage
    In the stillness of the night.
    Guide my feet when pitfalls threaten
    Lead me onward toward the light.

    When the world is to much with me
    And I fear the coming day
    I can turn to Christ within me
    Knowing He will find a way.

  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    joanxyxy, Jenny, David, Charry, Mark, Kelly, Brenda, & Robin. I hope I didn't leave anyone out. I hope each of you have had a much better day today and if not I hope things start looking brighter real soon. For all of us. I think the main thing I need to teach myself is that I can only do the best I can and to quit comparing now to "back when" you know?

    Thank you all for sharing. It really helps me knowing you all understand.

  • Debbie, you are always there for so many of us, and you are only human. Don't feel bad about what happened to you. Give yourself permission to have a bad day. We all have them, and we're going to have more as life continues.

    That's what makes this forum work, when some are week, many are stroong to lend some of that strength to the others. You give out a lot of strength to others including me.

    You will be fine and it will get better, again, and again. You must focus on that and believe in yourself as I believe in you along with so many others here.

    Thanks again for brightening up many of my days, and sharing your strength when I needed it most.

    Big Hug (ouch)

    AL S
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    :) You made me smile! Thanks. Now, go rest! lol.

  • I guess we ALL have the good/bad days. Goes with.
    Brenda,a friend of mine is a heat/ac/refridge man.
    He taught me( a little late)...to roll out the fridge 2x a yr to take the bottom back off and clean it out good! Furrrr being the # 1 killer of condenser
    As I said in another thread,I shopped online this year,had to. I may not get my sisters gift to her till AFTER the holiday,but she's a big girl,she'll deal.
    That dancing around the fire sounds good right about now,it's COLD!!
    I can remember when MY ex left,he took all the *good* stuff! I won't get goin on that! }:)!
    Charry,sorry to hear about your water problem,those are the worst! I was left w/a leaky roof,so ...but I got it replaced! Still trying to seal all the drafts in this old headache/money pit!
    The spa package is an excellant idea!
    Sunny,love the poem!
    I had to cut way back on my gift giving,but my kids are not kids anymore. Thay understand and accept.
    I feel bad having to ask my son to shovel as we may have a storm comin. We deal,we do what we can,and hopefully we learn to ask for help when we need it.
    Hope eeveryone has a better day today 8>
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