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heckhheck Posts: 17
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:49 AM in Depression and Coping
this i suppose belongs in this section i think. life is just so crap lately.i had to leave work. and havent been able to do much for the last three months. i seemed to have developed tommy troubles, cut latose, egg, fatty food. ect. over the month mmark now, annoyed, because its hard to do the back work and pool stuff my back desperately needs. but mostly i just wanted to say, its obscene that people are left to suffer in pain. i kinda control mine, but sometimes i cant move. i hate that i cant surf or ski or even run. it breaks my heart when i see others doing things i cant. makes me feel old. i am 28. i need i life. mostly i am angry that they cant fix me. properly. i want flexion back. i know i want what i cant have. and cant believe that this is it for me. i am able to do a little bit of something. i can walk for no more than half an hour, sit for a little while. when they first found this, the specialist when youll be able to go back next week. six weeks latter i left my work. my gp wanted me to go back before that two days. the back stuff isnt as major as many on here. i felt lied to. now i realize , they (docs), are largely clueless as to understanding backs. there are so many things we can fix these days, just no us. no for backs we live with this for the rest of our lives. my work were like well good luck at least you know whats wrong now thats got to be a sliver lining.
i am bitter angry and sad.

the beach is part of my soul. and i fear i will not be able to do much there. it is just so hard to believe.

i would love desperately to talk to any one with spondy.
mines grd1 s1l5. with a disc minimal bulge. and scoliosis thrown in for fun. opstepinia. too.

they think the tummy stuff is from the niads, the first lot of docs, only wanted to give me more of this.

:). i said no. my new gp tells me there poison, i always thought theyd make me sick. they stopped me absorbing iron.
which affected my thyroid, then tummy. it remains to be seen where there this is accurrate she also says spondy may degenerate. which is scary.

how do you cope?
how do you smile when you give up every single thing you love?
(even chocolate?)
how do you stop your self from looking back at what used to be?
i was strong fit healthy. i feel 90.
i wake up at night dreaming that i have just been skiing and know thats it. thats all i will ever feel of that.
i miss feeling the strength of my back bones supporting my body



  • It takes time to get used to the new you. Nothing much can be done to hurry it up, it is what it is.

    Live for the moment as best you can.

    As for the beach, I love it, even not being able to do much. I find that laying out on the nice warm sand can be very relaxing. Toe to head heat pad!

    With any luck they will find some answers that help you do more and dwell on the past less.

    Got my fingers crossed for you.
  • you are feeling so dejected and lost. It reminds me of how my son felt when he found he could no longer do the things he loved which were water sports, especially surfing. He felt that he could never have a life again. The beach was his life too.

    It has now been almost 6 months since he had his fusion for Grade 2 Spondylolethesis (his was originally Grade 1 but when they operated they found it has progressed to Grade 2).

    He is feeling so much better and is starting to fuse. His surgeon says that if he continues to improve that he will be able to surf again! This has given him hope that he will regain at least part of his life. Of course he must be VERY careful in his recuperation and must take it VERY slowly.

    You don't say what tests you have had or what kind of doctors you are seeing. If you could give us a little more info maybe we can give you better advice on how to seek help for your condition.

    The people on this forum are wonderfully supportive and helped me help my son find the right surgeon to help him. I have learned so much about the spine from them. Please let them help and support you.

    Wishing you strength to deal with it all.

    Peggy x
  • thanks guys it is great to talk to people who get it. but oh my god you can say your son can surf again., i have had mri ct, endoscopy, heaps of blood taken, 8 weeks of pt, the mri showed up some muscle wasting, cysts on the fractures. pars defects with the fractures defects in l4, si damage, slip is only 3mm, with minimal disc bulge. no one has measured scoliosis since childhood. sometimes it doesnt hurt i forget and flex my back, whoops and latter on i get major complaints. musculoskelto guy, thought i would make a good op if i needed it, because the disc has lots of space,. to move into.?

    it is so great to talk to people who get this.

    my first pt gave me heaps of cobra excersises. the second twisted me and left bruises on my back,/
    i think i had the fractures but not the slip and these people helped it to slip.
    i had full on leg symptoms when it first happen, i could not make my right leg engage muscles to stand.
    i guess its just been so scary.
    and also the not knowing how it happened. we can only guess.

    i have a question can you get this in a fall, not get symptoms after like bruising. or is it only threw over use flextion type activities.

    also i am in aus, .

    how does the slip progess into type 2.

    i know there doc qs \\
    i am abit ott with a need for info
  • that you also have fractures...am I reading it right?

    My Mom had 2 fractured vertebrae and they used Kyphoplasty on her, where they inject a type of cement into the crack (under anaesthesia). She came out of that procedure pain free and she was 88 when she had that done. She had been bedridden and was in horrible pain. It was like a miracle.

    PT helps some people, but others find it just makes their backs very angry.

    What kind of doctors have you seen?

    There is so much info on this site so read, read and read some more!

    If you could list the procedures you've had, the kind of doctors you've seen and any medication you take it would be easier for the people here to guide you.

    Take care and be good to your back!
    Peggy x
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