Chronic pain that is...
For me, it has revealed that we humans are much less in control of our lives than I thought we were. Maybe I am just young, but before being disabled I assumed that life basically panned out depending on the way you played it. We all started on an even playing field; same game, same rules, same equipment. Now I'm finding that not only have some of us been shorted on good cleats and a cup, but we also have to work harder the other players just to stay on the team, all the while getting yelled at for having a rip in our uniform!
Now I'm questioning the whole purpose of playing, beginning to think the coach only likes star players, and really getting sick of being on the bench! Yeah I appreciate relationships more and judge people less. But really I'm just angry that some of us can't seem to win no matter how hard we play, and I keep wanting to scream the same complaint that every kid on the playground can relate to, "It's not FAIR!!!"
Okay, Okay. I know life isn't a game to be won... it's a journey. But right now I'm don't seem to be traveling anywhere interesting from my recliner. I guess we have to set our own rules, define for ourselves what winning means. Heck, we have to play a completely different game. I just wish I knew how stupid this game was before practicing myself into dependency on pain pills. For the most part, being in pain, not being able to work, being alone, has made me humble, scared, and itching to get back in the game.