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Just so damn sad

turbo313tturbo313 Posts: 122
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:49 AM in Depression and Coping
I can't get happy. I was on my way, but today set me back. I can't stop jerking- uncontrollable muscle spasms in my arms and legs. Now, MRI on Monday to see if it is something the NS can fix. Otherwise, off to a new Nuerolgist cuz my last one just wasn't cutting it.

Sorry, pity party going on and I know there are those who are far worse than I am. I just was hopeful this last surgery would be the fix, and yet I am regressing to my previous state before surgery, minus the neck pain.

Oh, did I mention that I am trying to hide my jerking at work for fear that they may freak out. That makes it all sooo much better!!!!

One happy note...I am fusing, or crystallizing as he said it. He was happy about that :)



  • COnnie I would show it off for them. lol what can they do? Actually it probably isn't as noticable to them as it is to you. I know I thought everyone could see my arm spasms but they couldn't

    Seriously I wouldn't try hiding your issues. It will only cause you more stress and more pain.
  • when i say jerk, i meen jerk..they just fly up...i almost hit my doctor cuz he was standing next to me!

    i just don't trust the people i work with at all. i have already had HR talk to me once to see if I was ok cuz people were talking about me to them.

    maybe i could "accidentally" hit someone and say sorry, can't help it :)

    j/k..well maybe not!
  • You could have until you went and posted it on the internet. Now we all know ya wanna take someone out at work... :lol:" alt=":lol:" height="20" />
    turbo313 said:

    maybe i could "accidentally" hit someone and say sorry, can't help it :)

    j/k..well maybe not!
  • Connie don't be afraid of HR. Unless your problems affect your work performance they cannot say anything. If you jerking and twitching is not stopping you from doing your job properly then don't worry.

    In fact you might want to be proactive and tell them that you have nerve issues but that it is not a problem. It's a tough call to know if it is better to say something or say nothing. Depends on your company. But don't let them intimidate you.
  • HR can be your friend.
    I work in a very fast-paced and very competitive environment. I never made a big deal about my 1st surgery b/c it's in my nature to understate anything about myself. When the 2nd surgery came about, HR said I had to file a claim. I didn't want to, mainly b/c I didn't see the need to be on short term disability.

    She made a great point. She said, you may not go out on disability but if you have a claim, it protects you personally. She said "if my performance slips", the claim protects me. She reminded me I had been working with a disability for 6 months in theory. She also told me it would require the company to get me a better work-station and where possible be flexible with my schedule (I can do my job from home).

    On the flip side, they were protecting themselves too. So there's that side.

    Anyhow, HR can be your friend if they handle it properly.

    Oh, for the record, I've been struggling for the last year and a half with sadness. I can put up a good front but between my work situation and my health restricting my activity (from what I used to enjoy as a stress relief), I periodically have these moments of depression. I don't think there is any shame in talking to a doctor about it. You've been through a lot.

    Of course I haven't spoken to a doctor but I'm giving myself until spring b/c by then, the weather will warm up so I can walk outside AND I should be in a new job. If those 2 things don't 'fix' my attitude, I will give in to consulting a doctor just to see if it helps.

    Hugs to you.
  • Did you have a cervical procedure? That much spasticity would scare me!
  • had a tumor removed 2 years ago withing my spinal cord and this past year a 3 level fusion. i am doing better, for now :)

    thanks for all of the warm wishes :)
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