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around the bend.

heckhheck Posts: 17
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:50 AM in Depression and Coping
i have been sick as since i hurt my back. since they went oh thats not so bad love. not great either. a month of runny poo and other fun things. six months off work. sleeping around the clock. like 15hrs. and naps on and off. lots of frustrated tears later.
saw a nutritionist.
supp cal, iron, vitd/
no gulten egg garlic melon onion lactose finally made a difference, i was very excited to get spit back.
but i am a little weak now.
not skinny.
i am finally starting to get better, and some of my back pain came from my tummy.
an interesting note i highly reccomed them. because unlike the gastro hospital people she helped immediately.

now i have a lot more energy. its like waking up from a fog.
i have no idea how to rebuild my life.
i cannot go back to looking after children.

i do not have a degree or qualification.
i am dyslexs and not being able to work with my body, which is the best way to learn is scary.

i feel like i may become somebodys nightmare of an office girl.

maybe i can do some sort of short qual. in IT??

i fear failure. i felt like i had finally found my thing with children. and it tore my heart a part to leave /smashed it to smithereens/\

my back pain is not really that bad.
i can't look my physio in the face and tell her that i need her to show me transverse abdominus again.
i have lost so much muscle/ that to walk to the shops is an effort. my physo says my knees click because i have lost a lot of muscle in them.

wait till i show her my shoulders that now click out of alignment every time i raise my arms. not that it hurts.
just gross really.
i am more or less better.

but frightened about what kind of job to take/
call centre work?
medical reception?
i am more or less broke after this huge amount of time off and i still need a good 12 hrs sleep/ and a midday nap.
i feel like such an old person.
my back curves a bit now.
which bothers me.

i swim. when i can, sometime this irritates my back. i can only do three laps , before i am exhausted and have to stop half way. i walk every day.

i was strong once. i had a nice six pac and muscles. there was nothing i could not do. now there seems to be quiet a bit.

i do not have a decent explanation for any of this.
in dec, most of my bloods showed up borderline malnutrition.
no one can explain the fractractures and spondy in my spine.

but i know that it is all probably linked.
i hate to think that my job that i loved so much might have caused this. stress has played a big part.

not that this matters now.
i spent most of my savings.
i know i just need to be brave,

but i just worry about what might happen next.

they have ruled out all of the big bads for me at the hospital.

i am just me. living in my house, trying to find a place in the world. i thought i would have all this figured out by now.
life throws us curly ones all the time.

i just need courage. you guys are so brave. i love reading your posts. you give me perspective./\



  • Welcome to Spine-Health! Your no longer a place apart from the world, you have turned a corner and found a shady glen to rest yourself.
    You have so much courage, and it is admirable to so many of us as an example, dont stop being strong,
    there will be bad days, there will be better days and once in a while there will be a good one.

    dont be afraid to ask questions of us here, there will be many and some may be hard, but some here have walked the mile you have, and someone may follow behind you.

    Keep up that chin and adopt the Spiney Fu Position, chin up, hands up and keep swinging!

    dont be afraid to make demands of the health care professionals, they are there for you, dont be afraid to ask questions of them k?
    be strong and keep us Spineys in your thoughts!~
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,427
    gut thing. Mine ended up to be in large part due to my impaired circulation and blood vessels messed up. I had ischemia to the large intestine '07 and chronic and worsening pain ever since.
    The pain to the gut and accompanying issues... that you can imagine.. is something that not only people don't get...but it's not pleasant to talk about.
    I had a heart attack '04, and several strokes, the most serious about one month ago. My entire right side is in pain.
    My spine is messed up, also, but I don't have the words for that right now.
    I too have struggled with my worth...to family...to society. It's a struggle everyday...to remind myself my worth isn't about my strength and what I can do for others...as I tend to think.
    I'm still mom, grandma, friend, sister and able to talk about work situations and give an opinion and encouragement.
    This site, it's info offered and the posts of others, has been quite helpful to me. It lets me get out my feelings to people who get "it" even if they may not always get "me". :)...attempt at humor.. :)
    Staying connected is so important for me. Maybe connecting to this site and others will be helpful to you. You're not alone...and you are not complaining. You are sharing your life... and you have already affected mine. Thank you!
    It is nice to meet you. Thanks for listening to me.
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

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