i have been sick as since i hurt my back. since they went oh thats not so bad love. not great either. a month of runny poo and other fun things. six months off work. sleeping around the clock. like 15hrs. and naps on and off. lots of frustrated tears later.
saw a nutritionist.
supp cal, iron, vitd/
no gulten egg garlic melon onion lactose finally made a difference, i was very excited to get spit back.
but i am a little weak now.
i am finally starting to get better, and some of my back pain came from my tummy.
an interesting note i highly reccomed them. because unlike the gastro hospital people she helped immediately.
now i have a lot more energy. its like waking up from a fog.
i have no idea how to rebuild my life.
i cannot go back to looking after children.
i do not have a degree or qualification.
i am dyslexs and not being able to work with my body, which is the best way to learn is scary.
i feel like i may become somebodys nightmare of an office girl.
maybe i can do some sort of short qual. in IT??
i fear failure. i felt like i had finally found my thing with children. and it tore my heart a part to leave /smashed it to smithereens/\
my back pain is not really that bad.
i can't look my physio in the face and tell her that i need her to show me transverse abdominus again.
i have lost so much muscle/ that to walk to the shops is an effort. my physo says my knees click because i have lost a lot of muscle in them.
wait till i show her my shoulders that now click out of alignment every time i raise my arms. not that it hurts.
just gross really.
i am more or less better.
but frightened about what kind of job to take/
call centre work?
i am more or less broke after this huge amount of time off and i still need a good 12 hrs sleep/ and a midday nap.
i feel like such an old person.
my back curves a bit now.
which bothers me.
i swim. when i can, sometime this irritates my back. i can only do three laps , before i am exhausted and have to stop half way. i walk every day.
i was strong once. i had a nice six pac and muscles. there was nothing i could not do. now there seems to be quiet a bit.
i do not have a decent explanation for any of this.
in dec, most of my bloods showed up borderline malnutrition.
no one can explain the fractractures and spondy in my spine.
but i know that it is all probably linked.
i hate to think that my job that i loved so much might have caused this. stress has played a big part.
not that this matters now.
i spent most of my savings.
i know i just need to be brave,
but i just worry about what might happen next.
they have ruled out all of the big bads for me at the hospital.
i am just me. living in my house, trying to find a place in the world. i thought i would have all this figured out by now.
life throws us curly ones all the time.
i just need courage. you guys are so brave. i love reading your posts. you give me perspective./\