Welcome, Friend!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Veritas-Health LLC has recently released patient forums to our Arthritis-Health web site.

Please visit http://www.arthritis-health.com/forum

There are several patient story videos on Spine-Health that talk about Arthritis. Search on Patient stories
Protect anonymity
We strongly suggest that members do not include their email addresses. Once that is published , your email address is available to anyone on the internet , including hackers.

All discussions and comments that contain an external URL will be automatically moved to the spam queue. No external URL pointing to a medical web site is permitted. Forum rules also indicate that you need prior moderator approval. If you are going to post an external URL, contact one of the moderators to get their approval.
Attention New Members
Your initial discussion or comment automatically is sent to a moderator's approval queue before it can be published.
There are no medical professionals on this forum side of the site. Therefore, no one is capable or permitted to provide any type of medical advice.
This includes any analysis, interpretation, or advice based on any diagnostic test

feel like theres no hope

miss grumpymmiss grumpy Posts: 107
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:52 AM in Depression and Coping
hi, i dont know what to do, i feel so sad iv not recovered from an acdf, at 1 level a year ago, iv had to continiuously wera a hard collar, i cant work because my hands are so weak, and im in pain all the time, because i can walk im not elegable for diability, iv gone from being a fitness freak to being a nothing walking slowley is all i can do, i wish i was dead, i dont know how to snap out of this, is the sun ever going to shine again :(


  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,833
    During this year when you have not been feeling any better, have you contacted your surgeon or doctor?

    ACDF surgeries are becoming so common over the years and the success rate is really high.

    If you are still having pain, discomfort, and weakness, there would seem to be some additional problem causing this.

    Hope Please remember there is always hope. Even when things so dismal and you feel like you cant climb out of the hole, try even harder.

    Not in terms of physical activity, but all the things your surgeon would have talked to you about.

    But above everything, try as hard as it is to maintain a very positive attitude and approach.
    You would be surprised at how much a good outlook can be in our recovery process.

    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • dilauro said:
    Hope Please remember there is always hope. Even when things so dismal and you feel like you cant climb out of the hole, try even harder.

    I really like that line. It's so true, you need to have hope, and to remember that this, too, shall pass. Have you told your doctor about the way that you're feeling, both physically and mentally? You need to. They may be able to help you. Once you get your mood sorted out, you'll find that you feel better. I hope that time comes soon for you!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • I hope your neck heals soon and I would call your surgeon as others have said above to see if you can get another MRI or CT and find out what the weakness is about. Have you tried Lyrica or Cymbalta for the nerve pain? Perhaps your PM Dr. can help you and also may be able to lift your spirits with something. I take Cymbalta for chronic back pain and nerve pain but it's also an anti-depressant and also take Wellbutrin. Just wondering too if you had your yearly physical with blood work done just to make sure it isn't your thyroid or something causing your moods to change? I think everyone heals in their own time and it may take longer for you to heal. What does your Dr. say about not fusing and did you used a bone stimulator to help. If your surgeon doesn't do these tests I would get a second opinion. Never give up and praying you heal completely. Thinking positive thoughts for you. You will get through this. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • hi Dilauro. i have seen my consultants team every 6 weeks when one told me at christmas i was their first failure, but never said anymore, now apparantly no one else will see me except the consultant himself, i had some nurve conducting tests 2 months ago, i do have nurve damage in my arms but they couldnt record what was happenng in my feet because the machine wasnt working, but the person doing the test said it didnt matter, he would send the report, my gp says enough now they need to send me to a hospital that specialises in spinal problems, i see my consultant on 5th may i hope hes willing to refure me, i told my gp how i was feeling and he just said i had every right to feel sad, it was excpected,. i just feel so sad . people stare so much.i thing maybe i might go back to my gp. thank you every one for your replies. :(
  • hi charry, they make no comment about me not fusing, they just say these things take time come back in a few weeks/months. i feel so isolated i never imagined things would keep getting worse, even my daughter said how long are you going to be wearing that collar for. its so depressing not having my life the way it was. i have started to pray so hard i just hope i can feel happy once more.
  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    hi miss grumpy,
    You have a lot of support here as you already know . You were a fitness instructor and marathon runner, nice resume. I also was very athletic, energetic, and a workoholic. After a deteriorating spine and joints in my body I slowed down. Had a few surgeries and fusions and started feeling the same as you did. Fortunately my fusions worked out well although this disease continues to attack the other joints. After some time of being afraid to reinjure myself, walking slowly, and carefully, I decided this isn't the way I wanted to live the rest of my life. I pursued answers to as many questions I could think of to get myself back on track. With the help of my rheumatologist, neurosurgeon, and physical therapist I'm on a personal mission to be the best I can be with what abilities I still have. Don't get me wrong, I won't ever be what I was before. No more running, water skiing, dirt bikes, snowmobiling, or sports that impact joints. What I can do is build core strength to support my spine by doing certain exercise and working out in the gym that is of most benefit to me. It hasn't been quite a year now but the results have been awesome both mentally & physically. Friends and family have also noticed my attitude has changed tremendously. I feel good about myself and have a lot more confidence.
    You can do this too miss grumpy (you'll change this user name too) I believe.
    If I can, anybody can, just believe in yourself and never give up.
    Take care,
  • Don't beat urself up about feeling so sad......we all do from time to time because of how our lives have been so effected. However, pain killers that also have an anti depressant affect or something similar may be what u need right now to help u get over this phase?? You don't have to take them forever??!

    Even the affect of taking steps to do something about ur sadness usually has a really positive affect in itself ;-)

    I am aware I may sound smugly happy clappy lol but trust me I am not (most of the time) I,just like everyone on this forum sometimes feel soooooo miserable that I really see no way out of it at the time, whether through pain, frustration or just because I am feeling miserable and......that's OK!!! Just please .....for your own sake try to get a hold on it before it grips you too hard ok ;-)

    I am not religious but I am quite a spiritual person and HOPE is a universal thing that NEVER runs out, it may seem on short supply now and then .....just means we have to look harder lol

    Some lovely lady (last week) gave me the analogy of using a rope to pull up on to climb the depression mountain ,,,,,,and u know what it did me a lot of good and I will be forever grateful to her!!!

    You are not alone hun and you've done the hardest part by reaching out for help on here now.....take it a step further and you will get out of this pit ok??

    Allways here if needed - sarah
  • Hi Ranger,

    I like what you said and you reminded me of ssomething else.....you know when you hit a "mental barrier" in fitness and you feel you have no more to give but you want to keep going???? What do we do?? We find the goods to go the extra bit from somewhere!!!

    Remembering motivational tools used to mentally find the physical energy could work here maybe???
  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    You are right on Sarah, it's mostly the mental barriers that hold us back. We need to work around our physical limitations to achieve our goals and be successful. We just got to dig deeper at times.
    Reading your medical bio Sarah, we seem to have similar issues, OA & DDD.
    You have a great attitude, hopefully it will have a positive effect on others including miss grumpy and get her back to being her old self.
    Stay positive,
  • thank-you, its 5 am here, and you have just thrown me a rope to cling to, i do have some pain anti depresant med that iv not taken, so today will be day one and on mon i ll make an appointment to see what help my gp can help me with, i never thought to use this sight for this sort of help, it helps to know every one knows how hard it is, it does feel like my lifes been taken away yet every day i have to wake up to a nothing day, i hope i can find somthing to fill my day that will make me feel alive cos this feeling is the pits, isnt it. :(
  • When I joined this site I was having major mental/emotional issues trying to deal with my new life and the never ending pain.

    The members here saved my life & my sanity!!!

    I still have bad times from time to time. The difference is I now have this place to come to and I KNOW someone who really cares about me will reach out to me :)

    please keep us updated how you are doing - we care :hug:
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • thank you everyone for your suportive words, i can see that all of us seem to have been very active befor all this happend. i have ostioathritus, cervical stenosis, its a kind of berievment i supose, saying good by to the old way of life, and trying to adjust to the new one, but i wish so much that i had listened to a locam i saw once who flipantly said, if you want to walk when your old, stop running now, but i took no notice, and now it teriffies me that what she said could come true.
  • When I first came onto this site I was still pretty happy as I had just had my second fusion only a month prior. 3 months later I knew something had changed, and wasn't right. At 5 months everything went to crap. Was sent for nerve testing and new MRI's and X-rays and found there was now nerve damage, and the C6 vertebra was cracked through *between* my fusions.

    Here I am a year and a half post op, and getting the MRI's redone, nerve conduction redone, and blood work. My thoracic and lumbar are now too issues, and I have my down days. Try to think of this (and I'm not religious either but I like this saying), "God please give me the strength to deal with those things I can't control" (or something real close to that!!)

    This spiney sentence sucks no matter which way you put it, but my brain became mine once again when I remembered that phrase. :)

    Ps.. crying does help at times - you have to open the spickets and get those dark thoughts onto a tissue so you can throw them AWAY!

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • thank-you for your suportive words. i love this site, its becoming my life line. thank-you everyone. >:D< :))) Tina
    p.s i have started to go to church, trying to reach out for answers. :)))
  • Tina,

    That would be easy to do. Glad to see you are reaching out to your spiritual side. There are a bunch of great and supportive folks on here. You are now seeing that. Remember, "We get it." :)

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Tina, you are 100% correct!!!!! This is a grieving process !!!

    I hated my new life - LOATHED it !!! was mad as hell about it and was not going to accept it :angry:" alt=":angry:" height="20" />

    I was a very angry aka mean person to be around. I had some really ugly thoughts run through my mind.

    I took the pain meds and did what I wanted to do. I kept working 12 to 15 hrs a day 7 days a week, picked my grand kids up and would swing them around, went sled riding, carried heavy items and almost everything I should not had done. Then the last shoe dropped and 1 day I could not even dress myself!!!

    I could fed myself and that was about it. I had to be dressed, helped bathing and could not even stand up long enough to cook a meal.

    Yep the anger and denial got me no where.

    It took me some time but I finally accepted that this IS my new normal.

    I still have fun with the grandkids and had to find a new way to make a living, but this time I viewed all those changes as challenges not barriers ;)

    Oh and I gave up being mad at God too and developed a better relationship with him as well :)

    Do what you need to do - grieving is OK as long as you have a support team ( like us lol ).

    Then look for ways to enjoy your new normal.

    PS: I hope I can say this correctly. NO disrespect is meant to anyone.
    There are churchs who believe that if you have enough faith you can be healed. I am not against that specifically, I am against it when the church says the lack of faith is why your not healed - ya know? Or the churches that say you have unknown sin in your life and that is why you are like this.

    I know this can be a touchy subject but I just wanted you to be aware of it.

    I hope I did not upset you or any one.
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • your attitued is so like mine, its the: this wont get me attitude, im 47 so far the ostio is only in my neck, so iv taken heed of what your saying iv done the pick my grandchildren and swing them stuff even! its funny about the church im only just getting involved , another crutch i think, this site is so great to here from people like your self, i allways felt so alone and angry, i too am trying to find a new direction, but i need to loose the sorry for my self angry i can do anything attitude, twice in the last week on 2 seperate occations i had people say you cant be a gym instructor with that collar on. the road feels very long at the moment. thank you for your inspiration. >:D< :))) Tina
  • Ok being really honest here. Something I dont like to share because there is so much stigma about mental illness. I was diagnosed with bipolar 15 years ago after multiple suicide attempts. The good news is I havent been in the psych hospital or tried to hurt myself for 10 years. I have seen the same therapist for seven years. I have battled the damn mood disorder since high school. Most of the time I am pretty in the middle but major stress or med mess ups will throw me way up or down. Up is great I get a lot done. I would say my fusion seven weeks ago was a major stressor. Last week my seventeen year old son moved out and that was the straw that broke me. The last 24 hours have been crazy. I was so anxious I did not fall asleep until about 9AM after crying for a couple of hours on the phone and sending crazy texts to my daughter to which she has not responded. It scares my kids when I am really down. So my downs are lower than most anyway. I wrapped myself in my comforter with a diaper on and just laid there and cried and thought the horrid things I my mind is so good at thinking. My reaching stick had broken and I convinced myself that this was the end of my world. I planned to never get up again. Finally, I called a neighbor. Making one phone call took so much strength. People mean well but it really freaks them out to see someone get as depressed as I do. She fixed my stick. She put my chair in the shower and offered other helps that I refused. I got in the shower then came to this computer and started reading. I feel better but only a teeny bit. I am going to do one chore and go back to bed. Is there anyone out there battling a mood disorder and is a spiney? I am reaching out for help.
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,427
    I wanted to add for Ms Grumpy..re' no disability because you can walk. I can walk...not comfortably and now I use a cane..but when I started disability I didn't have cane yet. But I was a mess with chronic pain...back being a mess is huge part of it.
    Hiring a lawyer was the best for me. I was accepted within 6 months...meaning the lawyer didn't rec. any money on my case. The law protects us and they earn a percentage when case won and retrocative. My friend used same lawyer and rec'd 2 years retroactive. The only way is with lawyer..or 1st time for sure automatic turn down.
    Also, re' mood stuff...I have clinical, chronic depression. All this pain and isolation doesn't help much. So the depression is an additional battle.
    I keep in touch with my doc and therapist and one good friend for the occasional reality checks.
    Tough...tough stuff. But one day at a time..keep venting here. People seem to get it here. So say whatever...whenever you want. You're not alone.
    Take care!
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

Sign In or Register to comment.