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How does your chronic pain impact your marriage or relationship?

coyotewildwomanccoyotewildwoman Posts: 137
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:54 AM in Chronic Pain
Hi, I am now single, now, and trying to make better choices about a new partner. Being in chronic pain and knowing this is going to be life for me, unless that miracle new spine they are growing for me at Walmart works ;} out...
that this reality for me. I don't if I should give up on trying to find a supportive partner or look for a very special type of person and hope he shows up for me...

While my marriage had its issues prior to my chronic back pain and round of surgeries etc that started 5 years, I do think my chronic pain had a huge negative impact on my marriage. I was wondering if others have experienced this as well and how they dealt with it.

My husband kind of took it as personal affront and inconvenience to him that I could not function as "the engine that could" as I once did. I don't think he believed me, and he felt taking care of me on any level was not for him. And really resented I could not care for him as I once did.

It lead me to leave, knowing that he could not understand my experience or be there to support me.. and would just continue to more deeply resent me, for the fact that I struggled to put dishes in the dishwasher, asked for help carrying the groceries, and had to leave a party early, etc.

How have other people dealt with this in their primary love relationships- and did it/ does it have an impact? Have you gone through counseling? Just put up with it? Had a supportive partner? Gotten divorced? I don't believe I am alone here in this experience.

Thoughts?

Wendy
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1

Comments

  • I think anytime a partner makes a drastic change in his or her life, whether intentional or not, marriage is bound to be impacted. My husband tries so hard to understand but.....how can anyone understand ongoing, severe, chronic pain without having to experience it??? I am on a drugstore-worth of meds and nearly 3 years post L4-L5 fusion. I have sustained huge amounts of nerve damage and have the ongoing pain to prove it. I have 5 grandchildren to keep up with and my husband and I work 60 hour weeks to keep our business going in an awful economy. Has the pain impacted our relationship???? You bet it has. It kills my hub to see me cry myself to sleep at night because I hurt so badly. And the drugs certainly affect my disposition. No doubt that chronic pain sufferers can become isolated because of what they can't do anymore. It's awful for me and I KNOW there are tons of sweet people here who feel the same way as you and I. Hang in there. It's just a new reality we have to learn to deal with. Kathy
  • I understand, 3 months after I was hurt he had enough. I am so afraid of that type of rejection, over my CP that I have not dated anyone in almost 3 years. Please know that you that you are not alone
  • Wendy, Kathy and Snookie-

    I can relate to everything here and I'm relatively new to the chronic pain "scene." In fact I can't necessarily qualify as a chronic pain sufferer. But I can say that following L4-S1 fusion last October my husband has done his best to be there for me. The guy even cooked for me after I came home from the hospital.

    Having said that, it's bound to get old hearing me bi**h and moan about hurting all day long and often at night. I love him very much and don't think it's fair to drag him down with me, so often I internalize it and it makes me really angry and withdrawn.

    To be honest, I tend to distance from my people and have done so for many years due to other life experiences. Pain just magnifies all our bad habits I'm afraid.

    Regarding finding that special someone, all I can say is that it's going to take time and patience. I do not know how able you are to get out and meet people. Perhaps you prefer to meet somebody online. The only uneducated advice I could give you is to be very up-front about the challenges you've been facing and explain how this will be a life-long thing. It doesn't have to stunt a relationship.

    I believe that if you find the right person that it can actually bring you closer to each other. A person that truly cares for you will not judge you. They will listen and help you talk through your physical and emotional pain. Of course there are times when even they will be hard pressed to empathize versus truly sympathizing with you. We are human after all. But they will always love you.

    Be patient and do your best to find a comfortable way to meet new people. Don't let pain put up walls around you. I'm rambling on...I hope this helps a little :)

    Lonely
  • MetalneckMetalneck Island of Misfit toysPosts: 1,302
    My wife of 18 years decided to divorce me after my second round of surgeries. Nothing like having that little tidbit dropped on you 4 weeks after a major surgery. I guess she saw my continued earning potential and the prospect of having to deal with a remaining lifetime of health problems as not being very fun for her ... so she proceeded with her midlife crisis and started looking around for "Mr Right" .... Cause I guess I was now Mr. Damaged goods.

    Slowly I am getting in touch with the idea that I now have a second chance at happiness, and a new life that may hold wonders!! Now If I can only convince wonders to hold me!!

    So maybe we should start our own single spineys dating club!!

    We could be charter members!!

    Always warmest regards,


    Dave
  • Great idea Dave!! Sign me up.

    Coyote I am also single but in a mostly on on & off relationship. I just got told tonight I complain too much. To me its just talking about my life, which unfortunately is full of pain. I was very hurt. When that happens I tend to crawl into my shell to protect myself.

    I would like to find someone very supportive who would always be there. I know the relationship I am in now is not that. Guess its better than nothing but on some days I am not even sure of that. Sometimes being in a relationship can be just as lonely as being alone.

    Thank goodness for my cats who don't help with anything around the house but are always there when I need a cuddle. They just seem to know.

    Jani

    Spinal stenosis, spondolysis, spondolythesis, L4/L5 laminectomy, L4/L5 360 fusion with instrumentation, L1 to L5 fusion with instrumentation and bone graft from hip, L1/S1 fusion with replacement disc put in and a nice bolt from my spine to my pelvis; PT, accupuncture, prolotherapy, many cortisone injections, 4 rhizotomies. Currently on tramadol.
    L4/L5 laminectomy, L4/L5 360 fusion with instrumentation, L1 to L5 fusion, L5/S1 fusion w/ disc replacement, left and right SI joints fused.
  • I find myself always having to apologize to my partner for how snappy and unreasonable I have been that day or week :( My partner is very patient and understanding but I am getting sick of hearing myself moan and boss people about to do the jobs I cant, that everyone else must be getting sick of me too :( They dont say anything. My 11 year old son understand that I cant do a lot or attend his school plays in winter, due to the ice,or interact with him well. He dosnt disturb me when I'm sleeping, because I turn nasty when sleeping. My other half says he loves me, but our relationship is no where near as close as what it once was....and I do worry. Our honeymoon period is SO over, and now we are lucky if we can be intimate. I try and give more love, hugs and kisses, but to go any more than that is something I find hard to do. I certainly dont question if my partner would leave me because of this, because my partner has a facial disfigurement and an eye implant as he was attacked as a teenager, and was hit across the side of his face with a car jack, or cross bar. His eye instantly exploded and he had an implant put in (fake eye). But I loved him from the moment I met him, and would continue to do so regardless if he lost his other eye...or if anything else happened to him. I just hope he feels the same, as I fear that my future is not far from having to move home and become wheelchair bound.xxxxHUGS TO ALLxxxx
  • constant open communication ad validation of fears concerns and remedies is a good start.
    Support groups for both the CP member and the partner are critical.

    Just like in addiction, the entire relationship is sick and needs to get well from both perspectives. The healthy (non CP partner) is just as sick as we are because they learn to accomodate and make up for our shortcomings. Resentments grow as a result.

    Having resentments isnt the problem. Having resentments and not openly validating them and discussing the fears generating them IS the beginning of the end.

    I am fortunate that my wife of 26 years understands the pain even though she doesnt suffer from it. She also seeks therapy on her own and we are a better family for it.

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,749
    So many times people post about their medical conditions, the pain, their medications, etc.

    But there is so much more than the physical aspects.
    Long time chronic pain sufferers also know about the emotional impacts this has on their lives.

    There are so many threads dealing with this exact subject, but to me, this is not a duplicate thread, but instead something everyone should read.

    In my eyes, there are three elements to chronic pain.

    1 - The person who is actually suffering
    2 - The Spouse or Significant other
    3 - The Family and Friends

    I think we all know what we have to do in terms of dealing with the pain and discomfort associated with chronic pain. But how do we deal with the ones we love. The bottom line in order to keep relationships going during these times is open and honest communications.

    For the Spouse or SO, there are many unknowns.

    a - They do not feel or understand the pain you suffer.
    b - They are scared, because they see as long as you are in this pain and cant do XYZ, they have to do that much more.
    c - What is the future? Are things just going to get worse? Do I (spouse) just have to do more and more.
    d - Jealousy. They see the attention you get, they see you not doing this or that and at times they can resent it

    I am not saying that all of these apply, but listening to people over the years, I can pretty much guarantee that many do apply.

    I am far from understanding the mechanics and inner thoughts regarding relationships, but I do know that without having really Open and Honest communications, so much can fail.

    Sometimes it will come down to the two of you sitting across from one another, holding hands and expressing your feelings, your fears, your wants.
    And then , listening to what the person you love also wants to say.

    It isnt always easy, but I know for me its always worth the efforts.

    Wendy, some of my comments were not directed to you directly, but more in general to anyone in these situations.

    However, the one comment directed to you, is that I hope things do work out for you and whomever you do settle down with
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • i lost the job i had trained for .my wife left me because ;she did not do ill people;! luckily for me i found kath ..she is kind and understood that i am ill and unlikely to get much better and more to get worse .but even though..like any couple we have are ups and downs ,,,she has always treated me with respect and as an equal .you can't ask for any more
    tony
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • Quote from Lonely Girl "I internalize it and it makes me really angry and withdrawn.
    To be honest, I tend to distance from my people and have done so for many years due to other life experiences. Pain just magnifies all our bad habits I'm afraid."

    Cause don't know how to use the quote thing. I agree with all of what you said. I too tend to distance myself from people. I’m not much on confiding in other people and most likely – they really don’t care anyway. I keep everything inside and too myself for the most part. I’m not sure there are people out there that are willing to even understand what is going on with us. They are annoyed when plans get changed because you just hurt too damn bad to go and they don’t consider that it KILLS US to have to change plans because hey – we were excited about them too! Then, you have someone that is mad at you on top of it – it’s just not worth the trip.



  • I do so agree with those of you who talked about support groups being helpful for chronic pain sufferers and their partners and/or families. My biggest problem in that regard is that I live in a relatively small town and have looked and looked for such a support group. Haven't found it yet. I'm still looking but in the meanwhile, these forums are the next best thing. I am so very grateful for them!

    A big "shout out" to the moderators of spine-health. They give tirelessly to keep this website going. I just looked and there are over 600 guests and nearly 20 members online at this very minute, many of whom don't have other support avenues. That's amazing. Thanks!
  • sorry duplicate
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • No one wants to sit around and listen to me b*tch and moan all day about how much I hurt, how much I resent not being able to do what I used to, watch me maneuver into a chair because today was a "work in the office" day and I can barely move now....


    I know all of that, and yet I Still do it. So, I do not have, nor am I looking for, someone new to subject to that. I know people are supposed to 'be there" for each other... but come on, who wants to hear day in and day out about something they can do nothing to fix? I sure wouldn't... I get tired of hearing myself at times and stop right in the middle of a sentence.

    I've pretty much always had pain issues, but until this part of my life, I was able to keep most of it to myself. I was in a relationship and we were talking about the possibility of moving in together.
    Then this hit... and I started to back off bit by bit. Hearing the frustration in our voices as we talked once again about MY issues rather than the "fun" stuff we used to talk about, just about killed me. I think the more I backed up, the more he backed away.
    It was hell when it ended, but now, a couple of years past that horror...I can see that it would not have worked. He was younger and used to me being there for him whenever he had a problem. I don't think he knew How to take care of me, nor was he ready to do so. (take care, in his mind...I never asked)

    So, I don't have any advice for you. For me, I think I'm just going to stick with my cats, and hopefully a dog of some kind soon... I'm hoping to be able to walk enough to keep at least a dog happy ;)

    I will wish you luck in your search, there probably is someone out there for you, that will not resent the story you bring to the table- my parents each had their own health problems and were each there for the other, every day. They found work arounds for themselves, that now that I'm older and can understand what went on back then, amaze me. They loved each other more, or perhaps as much as themselves, and thought it was more important to be together than apart so they made it work. I wish I had seen that back then... maybe I wouldn't be alone now :D
  • I agree Clandy, I am not looking for anyone either. I don't put myself out there anymore. I already takes all of my energy to work, and I am a single mom with two kids. I don't have anything else left for someone else. It's hard enough to try to keep the house clean.
  • Hurray for cats!!! =D>

    Jani

    Spinal stenosis, spondolysis, spondolythesis, L4/L5 laminectomy, L4/L5 360 fusion with instrumentation, L1 to L5 fusion with instrumentation and bone graft from hip, L1/S1 fusion with replacement disc put in and a nice bolt from my spine to my pelvis; PT, accupuncture, prolotherapy, many cortisone injections, 4 rhizotomies. Currently on tramadol.
    L4/L5 laminectomy, L4/L5 360 fusion with instrumentation, L1 to L5 fusion, L5/S1 fusion w/ disc replacement, left and right SI joints fused.
  • I've been married for almost 24 years and my problems started about 3 years ago. At first, he was very understanding, after my first surgery, then it started getting old for him. I started having yet more problems, this time lumbar, and that's when he was at his lowest point, although never to the point of leaving.

    Somewhere along the way, he "got it" - maybe it was when he talked with my surgeon after my lumbar surgery and during my recovery, I'm not sure. But he knows (and I've heard him tell others) that what I have is a live-long problem and I will never be normal again. I'll always have limitations and days when I'm sidelined.

    But it seems the key for me at least, is to not complain too much. He sees when I hurt, as I'm not my usual self. He usually mentions it and then asks if it's time for me to take any meds. He also does the lifting and other things around the house I can't, and when I do things I should, he gets mad at me.

    I also listen when he hurts. He's 55 and has his aches and pains and sometimes feels it's his turn for some sympathy. So I listen to him and sympathize, talking with him about his pain. Of course, when it's back pain he's having or a stiff neck, I always ask if he's having radiating pain, etc., and that makes him roll his eyes. LOL

    Like Ron said, too, is communication. We occasionally talk about my problems, their ongoing nature, how things will probably get worse as I get older, may need another surgery in the future, etc., and he stands by his "in sickness and in health" vow he made 24 years ago.

    I guess I took care of him for 21 years and now it's his turn. But I'll always be there for him when he has a gout flare, tendonitis, stiff neck or sore back. It's a give and take with lots of communication, days of ignoring it all and acting like there's not a care in the world.

    I know there are people out there that don't let the fact that you have chronic spine problems bother them, because they love you for who you are, regardless. You are worth it to them and you'll know when that someone comes along, most likely when you least expect it.

    Take care,
    Cathie
  • when you first meet each other you are normally in good health and {all over each other ..if you know what i mean!!} but as time rolls on things happen relatives pass on kids grow up and have kids themselves and befor you know it you have gone from being a parent to a grandparent .and many at a very early age theres days .you can be a granny at 30 something ! but along with the nice things in life bad things happen to nice people all the time .and its how you and your other half deal with it .if you have a strong relationship ..you will get through anyhting .you dont need to be passionate if you love some one just showing some feeling like holding hands when shopping .give each other a kiss every day and tell your wife/husband /parent they you love them is enough to show you care .if you want to be with some one then show them that you care .it really is the little thing that count .i have found that out .there are going to be people that will fail no matter what and would have failed regardless of injury .like my friend who lost her husband as soon as she was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and then has 3 strokes in her 30s ..while she is in hospital ..he out 5h46614g AROUND with the next door neighbour!.lovely thing to do to your wife ..dont you think ..now she is on her own and very lonely ..its not fair ..he was not the right one ..i have told her that she will find a nice person ..one day ..its all about give a take
    tony
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • I am also single. I spent 10 years with my wife---we split in Sept 2009, 3 and 1/2 years after my spine problems really took force. I don't "completely" blame her for leaving as there were times I'm sure I wasn't easy to live with. Having said that, I still don't think she completely "gets it".

    I am glad her and I are on friendly terms, especially for the sake of my son, as well as her two older kids. But being lonely really stinks and I am allergic to most household pets.....oh well. I just miss the simple things like being held and holding hands, etc.

    Thanks for listening, you're all great! :-)

    Charlie
  • For all you single woman out there Stop under estimating the man. You might be suprised to know that there are understanding guys in the world and just because your previous partner walked out do to not being able to hadle it realy dont show much character. What Dave said i am actualy suprised its not hapened yet in sh. Because you already know person in sh has limitations also and its just posible some of you might even make beter partners then someone that has no limitations to date .

    Look at the guy from chicago who was on american idol. His gf was in a car crash and now is in a wheel chair for life but he is still staying with her and they are geting married. People were so over whelmed by there story they had a fund raiser to help them out geting them a van for dissabled and some money to help them out with medical bills. Ths is a young guy and he is devoting his life taking care of her and still geting married to her. True love dont see disability a reason to stop loving and suporting.

    There is a person for everyone out there if you open your heart and willing to let someone in. I was married for only 2 years when back issue already started and i am glad i dumped her cause she was not for me by any means and i would of been more sorry later on as my condition got worse.

    I been with same gf for 10 years now and maybe cause she also has some dissability being hearing impaired and posibly not being to hear me bitching is a bonus lol.

    If you hapen to be very young then relationship can be very complicated do to the fact that other person might still want to do nothing but party. But if you are midle age and have this limitation with spine issue if you find a mature enough person who will be happy to be with you and over look your disability especialy if they may themself have some limitations all you need is an open heart and allow them to prove they will be there for ya.

    Dont lock yourself out just cause last relationship did not work out. And stop protecting there actions at all cost saying well i dont blame them for leaving and all that . To me thats bs. If they truly loved you they never would of left. This is when the strenght of love is put to the test . And some of them never was able to pass the test.

    Stop trying to protect them from your suffering because nobody wants to grow old alone. And should not. So you can either put yourself out there and be willing to date others and have the posibility to find a partner or you can grow old alone with your cats. And man i hate cats. And i also think some of you made friends here and nothing wrong with keeping an open view even if you ended up dating someone from here. Who knows anything can hapen. I dont see anything wrong in doing so.

    If it dont hapen to be from here then church or other sources what ever it might be dont mater. Dont let your disability take away of being able to find hapiness and love Love is still more powerfull then anything and nobody should be deprived of it.
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • Surviving and or maintaining a 'healthy' relationship. I think Cathy and Alex hit some great points! My hubby and I are in our 21st year. He is my best friend, lover and confidant. I was already a spiney when we met, but in what I like to call it, "The acute - chronic state." While the pain would come back, conservative measures and OTC meds kept all pretty well in check. It wasn't until 2002 the 'acute' left the picture and Mr. Chronic moved in.

    My hubby has been very supportive, and too if I get down, he is great about kicking me in the butt and bringing me back to reality. I too get to kick him in the butt when he gets down - down due to his worrying about me! Like Cathy, my hubby can tell when I hurt even if I say nothing. Additionally when he is hurting or sick, I am the first one in his corner.

    Marriage is a two way street. You just have to make sure the lanes stay of similar sizes! Marriage is a constant 'work in progress' too, as is any relationship. If its worth keeping, it's worth working on - good days or bad. :)

    Brenda
    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Good words!!

    Jani

    Spinal stenosis, spondolysis, spondolythesis, L4/L5 laminectomy, L4/L5 360 fusion with instrumentation, L1 to L5 fusion with instrumentation and bone graft from hip, L1/S1 fusion with replacement disc put in and a nice bolt from my spine to my pelvis; PT, accupuncture, prolotherapy, many cortisone injections, 4 rhizotomies. Currently on tramadol.

    L4/L5 laminectomy, L4/L5 360 fusion with instrumentation, L1 to L5 fusion, L5/S1 fusion w/ disc replacement, left and right SI joints fused.
  • I've been reading all these posts with great intent, as I feel that the sudden decline in my back condition (spondylolithesis in L5 for 20 years, now completely fractured L5 for past 11 months)has put a big strain on me and my partner.I was diagnosed at age 13 with the Spondy, and after having 3 babies I am now 33 years old and practically unable to do anything more than the basic things (walk, make a snack,make a cup of tea).It takes all my efforts just to look after my baby girl. The house has had to be adjusted and modified to make things easier for me.

    Someone above mentioned that along with the communication that is vital to get through this, also said that she would not moan so much.This is where I am at now.I know my other half loves me, but he is a man of few words,so its hard to talk to him, but he has admitted that he is shouting at my son (from previous marriage)a lot because he is getting frustrated with all the pressure that is on him about my condition.He has promised to not shout at my son if I promised not to moan and complain so much.

    Its all team work now and I know that if things dont change and not everyone pulls their weight, then things are going to fall apart. We have only been together 4 years, and I'm scared that my other half will just give up on me OR I will loose my temper with no one helping, and if no ones helping then I might as well just live on my own.

    Anyone else out there in the younger years?
  • Hi Stacey,

    I'm a bit older than you, but still relatively young (I'm 40). While I certainly understand your other half's stress, I'm thinking it's wrong for him to be taking it out on any child. Also, it's not an excuse for him to yell at your son just because you may be uncomfortable and in pain---in my opinion, that's no excuse. He needs to realize that.....and quickly!

    My .02 cents,

    Charlie
  • GerriDetweilerGGerriDetweiler Posts: 2
    edited 08/28/2013 - 9:17 AM
    Last year I broke up with my girlfriend due to many misunderstandings and I remember very well how hard I had been fighting to get her back. She changed her number, changed her job so that I don’t visit her office and none of her friends would give me any information about her. The only thing I could do was to go find help from anywhere, so i looked for a way to get her back then a friend recommended

    Post edited to remove specific doctor's name and details Please read the Forum rules
    Gerri Detweiler
  • have had pain for 12 years now and my wife has been very supportive even with the absence of sex in our lives. the last fusion took the angle out of my dangle. i get hormone shots to compensate but they make me gain weight. my relatives are a bit lack of understanding since they only see me about once a year. but no problem with wife and 17 year old son.
    jon
    I have 4 fusions from L5-3, the latest last May '12 where they fixed my disc that broke.They went through my side this time. I take 40 mg of oxycontin 4x a day and 4 fenatyl lollipops 300 micro gms 4x a day.
  • dbarbeau48ddbarbeau48 Posts: 310
    edited 08/28/2013 - 11:32 AM
    You must be a math teacher Jon, talking about angles.

    Dick - former HS principal and longtime English teacher
    Emergency surgery in March of 2006 for spinal infection of L 2 and L 3. During surgery, discovered I had Cauda Equina Syndrome. Spine became unstable after surgery and had 360 fusion with 10 pedicle screws, plates and rods in April of 2007.
  • terror8396tterror8396 Posts: 1,838
    edited 08/29/2013 - 5:47 AM
    dick
    special ed, rsp teacher and will retire after this year
    jon
    I have 4 fusions from L5-3, the latest last May '12 where they fixed my disc that broke.They went through my side this time. I take 40 mg of oxycontin 4x a day and 4 fenatyl lollipops 300 micro gms 4x a day.
  • Hi

    After reading a lot of your posts, I have to add I've lost friends over being in chronic pain. I had a lot of friends when times were good and I was a lot of fun to be around. Then all was great! I lost one of my best friends this year because behind my back she told my other best friend- I'm not fun to be around and complain about pain too much. I found out this past year who my real friends are....and there's only a few.

    Makes me think what is wrong with people? I was brought up to do the right thing no matter how inconvenient it is for you.
    That's not the case at all for other people.

    Welcome to the real world I guess...
    Kathy
  • Hi! I've had scoliosis since they first tested me in grade school for it. I got married in 2003 and he left in 2006- not related to any chronic pain issues since I didn't have chronic pain then. It started in May 2007 when I was reaching for something in the shower. And then it hit me hard.

    I met my current boyfriend in late 2008 because I needed a walking partner to walk with at night. He had sprained a muscle in his back so we walked together. We have been together since then. My ACDF surgery was in Dec 2011, and he has done his best to take care of me. He cooked the food, so I stopped being vegetarian (had been for 12 years) so that I could eat what he cooked- I was so grateful to him. I still go to work full-time, so I don't have much energy left for anything else, sadly. I haven't been able to go out with friends much since usually by Friday evening I have way too much pain to do anything. But my boyfriend has always been supportive and I support him too. I am so lucky to have found him. We want children but I need to get off the pain meds first. It's a long, tough road. I try not to complain too much and I'm trying to be pro-active now (taking 2 yoga classes and trying a lateral nerve branch block next week, see chiropractor 2x week). But I do internalize a lot of issues, just like others here. I know it's not healthy but I have always had to do that.

    Anyway... I am sorry for those who have lost their spouse or significant other due to chronic pain. I'm always worried that will happen but my boyfriend is here to stay. "You can't get rid of me!" is what he tells me. :)
    Chronic pain since 2007. Have scoliosis. Had ACDF surgery for C5 Dec 2011. Sick of dealing with pain. I just turned 32 and struggle through but work full-time in IT.
  • i never complain about my pain. why? it serves no purpose and no one cares at all, relatives, spouses, workers, no one. no one wants to hear negative comments. i have learned to not complain. if someone asks i say its going all right. there is too much to live than to complain to others. the best thing to do is work, keep busy and as active as you can and don't bring others down with complaining about back pain.
    jon
    I have 4 fusions from L5-3, the latest last May '12 where they fixed my disc that broke.They went through my side this time. I take 40 mg of oxycontin 4x a day and 4 fenatyl lollipops 300 micro gms 4x a day.
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