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So sick of this...

sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:54 AM in Chronic Pain
I'm so sick and tired of this. Yep, I know. Ain't we all? I've been telling myself how much worse it could be but guess what? That isn't making me feel any better. No sleep, no relief, feeling useless. Pity party!!!! Anyone want to join in? I'll be more than happy to offer my sympathy and support so maybe at least I'll be useful somehow.



  • Feeling about the same, and down and out... So sick of it. Hate moving to bigger and better drugs but there doesn't appear to be much of an option. It surely gets old...
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    Mouse, just hate that you need to be here. Misery loves company as they say.

    Sorry you need stronger meds but if they'll help--well, what can you do? As for me and my pain, I'm stuck with tramadol and zanaflex since that's all my doctor will prescribe. Most times I just take tylenol or aspirin since it helps as much as the tramadol (very little if any) without making me nauseous.

    Hope that things improve for you soon. I know these moods usually pass for me--just not soon enough.

  • Sometimes it's just tough to put on the brave face and do stuff when you just feel like curling in a ball and shutting out the world. Somehow we do it (or overdo it).

    Take care.
    4 level ACDF C4-C7 5-2-11, laminectomy & discectomy L4-L5 1/26/12, ALIF L4-5, L5-S1 12/10/12.
  • Hey ladies, I'll join!!!... I'm in pain and insurance He//...I hate it!!!... But, I love all my spine friends! I wish I could be Merlin, and do magic!!! I would do some serious healing magic!!! Love & Hugzzz, Brenda
  • I'm right there with you all. No sleep last night, and struggling to try to rest today. I'm 5 weeks out of my third cervical fusion, and everyone here knows what that feels like. I hope you ladies can find some kind of relief tonight; I know the nights last forever when the pain won't let you rest, and it's kind of a lonely feeling when everyone in the house is sound asleep and we are roaming the house to find some comfortable place to rest. Moving from the couch to the recliner, or just pacing to try to get your mind off of the pain. I love to come to this place when I can't sleep, even if I never post anything. I just feel like it puts me in a place where I am understood. Take care.

  • It's not a party without balloons, right? Must be something in the air. I'm waiting for another fusion later this month and it seems like every day has been horrible this week. And the nights are even worse. Anyhow it looks like you're going to have to rent a hall for this pity party.lol
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    I hate that we're all in the same boat but it helps knowing I'm not alone. Most days I can deal with it but it's getting so darn hard these days. I just get so fed up with it all!

    Thanks for sharing your feelings with me. I really hate myself for complaining/whining all the time.

    I hope we all can have better nights and days ahead. Meanwhile, let's party!

  • It's better to vent and get it out and we get it. Everyday it's great to wake up provided you have a good sleep and do hope you can get some sleep it's so healing for you.

    I'm busy packing and have to be out of the house in a few days and it's not easy being so limited. I asked my Dr. for a BTP med so I can get this packing done. What used to be so easy for me to do is taking way too long.

    I hope things do improve for you and will be at the party! Much hugs. Charry

    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    Sorry you're having such a hard time with the packing. I would gladly help you if I was nearby. I know you must be having a lot more pain and I hope the extra meds help and don't make you feel to bad. Try to pace yourself and before you know it you'll be finished. I'll be thinking of you and sending you what little strength I can muster! lol.

  • Hello,

    Believe me, venting a little does help instead of holding it in. We all understand the misery of this. I certainly am happy this great forum is here! :-)

    Hang in there!
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    Yes venting here is certainly helpful. Especially since sometimes it saves my family from hearing it. lol. Seriously though it helps knowing that people here understand. Thanks for listening and caring.

    Hope you're doing well. Your surgery is getting near isn't it?

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,875
    Debbie, you have known me long enough now to know that I always can sympathize and understand the pain and discomfort we all have to go through. And above anything, you and I both know the additional pain we can endure after we 'do' some of the things we should 'not do'

    But when it comes to getting down about the ongoing pain and the situation about pain medications, I always have different views.

    Understanding our pain
    This can be one of the more difficult things to figure out. Sure, we all know we have pain and discomfort, but why, what can be done or not done and for how long?
    There is a certain level of comfort that we all can reach. How we get there differs from person to person, but we can all get there.

    I always want to read and hear about members finding ways to reduce or eliminate the pain medications. One long time member and one of our moderators "C" (Haglandc) was able to basically eliminate all of her narcotic pain medications. Not because her pain and discomfort stopped, but due to her inner strength and attitude so basically went cold turkey. But then again I am talking about a person that with all of her spinal problems, beat so many odds to be able to return to so many of the joys (subdividing, underwater photography and much more.
    After 30+ years of living on/off with narcotic pain medications, my thrust is figuring out how to eliminate them.

    I apologize for bringing down the party mood, I just always need to face things the way they are and know how to beat them. But, more than anything, I completely understand the Pain, the Discomfort, the Empty feelings, the Frustrations, the Depression we all can face

    Debbie, for me and I know for you, so much happiness can come from just putting our hands into the dirt and soil and working with it.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • If there's a pity party tonight I'll join. Can't sleep, too much pain and feeling down cause everyone around me gets to live a normal life and not me. Was on the verge of tears all evening. I just started a new medication so not sure what's going on with me, also started a low glycemic diet so I'm missing my coffee, wine and carbs.
  • You will need to rent out a football stadium if everyone is invited to a pain party. I do agree with Ron about always finding a way to have to depend on drugs less if there is a way. Always try any kind of old remedy before reaching for the medicine cabinet. It dont mater what it is. Heat, ice, some natural cream or oils always give some releif to help manage some level of discomfort.

    I think Ron forgot to mention haglandc also has the scs for pain control if i remember correctly. Its posible with the help of the nerve stimulater it probably helped geting off the pain medications. But either way its a great acomplishment being able to kick the meds and adjust and have a normal life to that degree.

    I am not a believer in having to take meds for every situation and learn to totaly depend on it for when it stops working you have no direction to go but increase and increase and increase untill its still not working and now its nothing but an unhealthy disaster.

    I dont have the answer but i am always looking for anything to keep the lowest posible dose i can manage with and try any natural oils or creams to losen up the joints and stiffness to help with a litle medication. I feel sorry for those of you who cant sleep because of pain because sleep is very important to heal and be able to deal with chronic pain during the day.

    Without sleep my pain is way out of control and nerves simply explode because never got no rest. But at least i am lucky enough i guess to usualy get a good nite rest with help of a good bath and massage oil before bed time.

    Ok so now where are the dancing girls for this party? Bring out the dancing girls!,,
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • Debbie,

    I think right now it is harder to deal with chronic pain as we see everyone out and doing things that are fun and exciting and it is hard for us to get around and enjoy those same things. Call it jealousy if you will, but yes even somedays i have my moments of jealousy. I don't think I would be normal if I wasn't. I try not to stay in the "why me", for to long.

    I feel for any of you have young kids as you feel your missing out on their life and have to pick and choose what you can enjoy with them. One thing that does help and I have to work on everyday is redirecting. I have to turn a favorite song on, or place myself on a beach where I can feel the sunshine and fresh air. Due to my issues holding anything, I did get a Ipad not long ago, so it affords me the opportunity to read more, something I was definitely missing in life.

    AS many have said it is not healthy to hold it in, so vent away, The great thing is we all understand. Like you I love my gardening, the only thing it has to be controlled. I missed getting all the mulch in this year, but that is okay the beds are blooming full now and the mulch wouldn't really be seen, although they do protect the flowers for the harsh winters. I have even enlisted some kids in the neighborhood to help me, who what I would term at risk youth. So that experience teaching them I would have never had, had I not been in pain. They come around every week asking MS Tammy do you have any work for us today. So I take a lot of pride in helping these kids. Nothing like a yard full of kids to remind me of my youthful days, and bring some fun to my house. I make popsicles for them or smores on my pit, and really I get the joy in seeing their happy faces.

    Now with all that said the pain the last few weeks has almost been unbearable. to the point I been in tears from the pain, so not me. But then there will be a knock on the door and it is one of the kids, checking on me. So I try to focus on them and off me and break it up. The one thing I know in life is this pain can really wear on you, and you need to let it out. In my case we know something is wrong, but I also have a pending legal matter I need to dissolve as it is not healthy in any shape or form. So finding out what is wrong will only prolong that issue. So I am trying everything in my power to grin and bear it, and get this past me. But I also am very aware this situation is life long, and I need to find coping skills to deal with it. Somedays I have to dig really deep to do that, but then what is the alternative?

    But I join you all in spirit in the pity party as we all need someone to vent on and find alternatives to let out the anger somedays of the pain. The one thing that is common to see around here is those of us in this position tend to deal with the pain better, but it is only cause we have a longer practice time with it. For most of us the pain isn't any better, just have more experience in it, nothing though I wish on anyone.
  • I want to come too! I used to try to limit my pity parties to no more than one a day that had to be over within 15 minutes. Sadly, that is no longer the case. I am having the SCS trial next Wed., so that is my hope now. But I am getting nervous and scared thinking it won't work. I am a believer in positive thinking, but the pain is wearing that down too. So I need to party! At least this party I can lie down in bed and not have to have more pain by getting all dressed up! Thanks for the invite Debbie!

  • Well I stayed up too late partying last night lol. I was unable to sleep and was on here until almost 4 am... my nerve pain is relentless today, nothing is working on it so I lay here in pain. I have been up and about plenty to keep from seizing up but the pain is just ruining my day. Hope others are having a 'less pain' day. hugs, Lisa
  • I have had a rough week. Beside the pain that is constant (and I'm allergic to opiates so it's Ibuprofen or nothing), I had to give up my dog. I live alone and could no longer walk her. I found her a good home, but I've missed her so much. It's very hard to get up now, but for some reason like everyone else here, I do.
  • I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend . I knowit was hard but you had their best interest at heart. Big hugs while you heal and maybe one day you could get another friend like a hamster :)
  • Picture in your head....... A football field with thousands of spineys forming a Congo line wearing assorted pj's or may birthday suits for us with nerve pain. Can spiney streakers still be called streakers ? Maybe strutters. One thing for sure I would hate to limp like Quasimodo . Not sexy while naked.unless I was wearing a lampshade and toga.
  • we all know how you feel .there's not much more i can say that already has not been said .just try to stay positive .the comment made about giving up all narcotics ..i wish i could but nothing else works on the pain
    tony x
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,385
    my wonderful spiney friends. I don't know what I'd do without you all.

    I appreciate you all sharing with me. I'm sorry you all have to deal with so much pain. Many of you have it so much worse than myself yet you're here for me when I'm feeling low.

    I can't shake this pain that has me afraid to move and I've taken so many OTC pain meds that my stomach is a mess. That makes it even worse. I'm also in the middle of canning green beans (if you've ever been a gardener you know that they won't wait until we feel better!). I have found that the pain is the same even if I do nothing so what's the difference right? That's what I keep telling myself.....

    I hope you all can have a better day today. I'll be back to check in on all you party animals later. Have me a drink ready OK?


  • I'm a bit up and down since my surgery three weeks ago. My surgery was a Laminectomy at C7 and T1. Fusion from C5 to T2. I have no more pain from the pinched off spinal cord. All my problem are gone BUT this 7 inch incision from my neck collar down. The constant stinging and burning and pulled muscle feeling is getting me down. The good part of this is I get total relief when I lay down so my sleeping has not been interrupted. I just pray my muscles in my neck will come around.
  • Wow, did I miss the first half of the party? Alex, along with the dancers, don't forget we need a pole for the dancers to help "enhance" things! :-P

    Seriously though, thanks for the warm wishes, Debbie. I hope you're doing okay as well! Yep, surgery is coming (9 more days!), and I hope relief along with it. I felt good yesterday, and in chat, I mentioned it, and Dave (Metalneck) noted that he felt okay as well. Maybe it was the day....I feel "broken" today. Isn't it weird how things change from day to day, and sometimes even hour to hour?

    Thanks for being a great group of people! :-)

  • I was at the point of deep depression with my increasing pain this past winter, but thanks to my anti-depressant and a great psychologist, I was able to get out of that dark hole.

    I have had bad reactions to tramadol,vicodin,ibuprophen, celebrex, and mobic so not much left for me. I got trigger point injections June 9 that helped with a lot of my pain issues and am now taking an herbal supplement called zyflamend twice a day and aleve twice a day along with sleep meds and am doing so much better! Sometimes a psychologist who specializes in working with people who have chronic pain can be really helpful in that keeping stress lower can help lower the pain.

    I have a great pain doctor, chiropractor, and psychologist who all help to keep me in a place where the pain does not overwhelm me. My pain doctor has fibro and chronic fatigue so he is very sympathetic to chronic pain. I still have my pity party times, but thankfully less now that I am on the celexa.

    sue in ohio
  • How are you today after canning all those green beans? Can you send me some? I love them...

    I'm sorry to read this thread and how many spineys are having bad pain days. I've been lucky that my spine pain has been at a minimum, but my foot...well, that's a different story. Maybe that pain is taking my mind off of my spine, who knows?

    But whatever the case, I'll be happy to take some of your pain if you'd just send it my way. I have a little room for some more.

    Don't ever worry about venting...like most everyone has said, if you can't vent here, where can you? We all understand and are with you every step of the way.

    Take good care of yourself, my friend. Do you have any plans for dealing with your lumbar issues...MRI, injections, etc? Sorry if I missed that you've already done some of that.

  • Dear Debbie, Mouse, and All Warriors,
    I am so glad I have found a safe place to gather with like people ;

    We all have so much value to share, understanding with an easy smile and nod, but ouch that hurt, just a smile then will do...

    I have many learning.. lets say, experiences in life, like all of us... poetry is my outlet and sharing smiles is my pleasure... safe vent ;

    Only For Good

    Only for good, together I will stand,
    as I’m never alone,
    with my heart in my pocket, and my soul in my hand.
    When all you know, is all you feel,
    here to be learned, but led to a life unreal.
    The ghosts in the dark, wreak havoc in the wind,
    to live this life, and believe you truly can’t win.
    How do I get there, how do I get in,
    into a world of freedom, without fear or sin?
    Only for real, together I will stand,
    with my soul in my pocket, and my heart in my hand.
    Right or wrong is the base of all within,
    positive considered intent, brings a life to begin.
    Be only for good, together I will only be,
    with my heart in my pocket, so my soul, for good will see.
    Ok, maybe I’ll mess up again,
    just let me know right from wrong,
    a little now and then.
    And on to a new world, together I will mend,
    one and all for good, alone against the wind.
    Alone cause this is mine, and the only one of its sort,
    perception will get better, ahh, but life is so short.
    The power within, right down to my soul,
    is growing stronger day by day,
    forever and ever more.
    So only be for real,
    together I will go, with my heart in my pocket,
    and in my hand, my soul.
    Together we all must stand, alone as all for one,
    in the dark, living, loving, and having fun.
    For life is for good, no arguing need be,
    love, live one, so our souls we’ll see.
    See only for good, together we must stand,
    with our hearts out of our pockets,
    and our souls in our other hand.
    We’ll see said the blind man, with a wink and a huff,
    down this other pathway, made of real good stuff.
    Life is too short to be worrying about a pin,
    the pins can be handled,
    be as tough as nails, your sure to win.
    Only let those in who are valuable of earth, wind, and fire.
    Care to begin? Great passion, a life-full desire?
    To be only for good, together we will start,
    cause we’re never alone, with a smile on our face,
    and a soul in our heart.
    To let life live is the greatest gift of all,
    to one and forever, forever and all.

    With intent to go forward, now and will about us, on a wish or a prayer, to understand the why, and see we must. See the world around us, know it well, just make it be, open up your mind to intention, and believe the world for what you see. See the actions you hold, and a smile should be too, make it what it is wished for, this is your power, it is, just you. To formulate a positive reaction, and hear the words that are spoke, takes trust, love, and understanding, of self, first, and foremost. And onto you will receive, many reinforcements which are meant, meant with a smile or two, so just turn and remain with intent. Being conscious, now go forward, now and will to trust, and a wish or a prayer, understanding the why of us.

    PS, Plain and simple thoughts, are only for good to be, to make good better, better we will see. The world is ours, in between us, they, you and me, will travel beyond, learn you'll see. See the power of good, thoughts like never before, for one and all, always thinking, learning and intending more. Special is a word, a thought that describes us, they, you, and me, describes positive feelings, within positive thoughts, we'll see. See hope and want, to fulfill the days ahead, receive and have, unknowingly we are lead. Plain and simple actions occur, as plain and simple thoughts evolve. Our thoughts predict intention, actions, reactions, and reinforcements, all that we give and receive. Positive, Considered Intent, predicts a smile to be.

    Keep : )'n
  • For 22 years, I've been living with chronic pain trying to find causes and ways to alleviate the symptoms, in the hope it will get all better someday. But, throughout the years with endless stream of visits to doctors and treatments (every modern medicine and alternative), albeit moments of respite it only got worse, slowly but surely.

    As a matter of fact, so many countless dark and torturous moments, only the idea of death somehow calmed me to the next small break. Now I know I will not get better. 22 years of experience taught me that. No, I am not depressed. Indescribably frustrated and yes, saddened. Knowing with certainty death is coming, and when it finally does I will be deliriously happy.

    To anyone who takes time reading this, thanks. I just wanted to talk to someone who might be listening.

    ~ KC
  • Hi Spineys,

    Just wanted to come by and join in the festivities. I am just finishing up for the day and DH is unhappy with my workload today. I know I can be a real complainer, but I just can't deal with much more today.

    Hope you all are able to have a funtime tonight all together. It helps when one understands the limits we sometimes need.

    Sleep with the angels,

  • Thank you ALL for being here.

    Wishing you all a low pain evening and night.

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