Welcome, Friend!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Veritas-Health LLC has recently released patient forums to our Arthritis-Health web site.

Please visit http://www.arthritis-health.com/forum

There are several patient story videos on Spine-Health that talk about Arthritis. Search on Patient stories
Protect anonymity
We strongly suggest that members do not include their email addresses. Once that is published , your email address is available to anyone on the internet , including hackers.

All discussions and comments that contain an external URL will be automatically moved to the spam queue. No external URL pointing to a medical web site is permitted. Forum rules also indicate that you need prior moderator approval. If you are going to post an external URL, contact one of the moderators to get their approval.
Attention New Members
Your initial discussion or comment automatically is sent to a moderator's approval queue before it can be published.
There are no medical professionals on this forum side of the site. Therefore, no one is capable or permitted to provide any type of medical advice.
This includes any analysis, interpretation, or advice based on any diagnostic test

Talk about frustrating!!! I can't do anything with pain...

MelWMMelW Posts: 427
edited 06/11/2012 - 9:02 AM in Chronic Pain
I have always loved doing yard work; trimming, mowing, even pulling weeds. As most of you know, this is one of the first things to go when you are in chronic pain.

Well, today I woke up and decided that my pain could kiss my a$s! I wanted to do yard work, and I WAS going to. I am sure you all know how this turned out... I trimmed two bushes, my mini mulberry tree, and then got ready to start on a few other bushes when the pain hit me like a knife wound in the neck and thoracic area. I tell ya, felt nauseous and thought I was going to throw up.

I am now laying down with my heating pad, still feeling like I wanna throw up. I took some of my meds, but they're not even touching the pain.

I swear I am a 32 yr old in an 80 yr old body. I am so over this crap of not being able to do anything. This is why I know how much worse things are getting in my neck. About a year after my ACDF I could do a good days worth of yard work before I felt like falling over. I would pay for it the next day, but I could do it. Now I can barely get two hours of it done and then I am down for days.

I do everything I can to be somewhat comfy when I do yard work now. I have a mechanics stool I use when I am doing things low to the ground, and sometimes I just sit on the ground so I am not bent over and putting so much strain on my neck and back. When I trim trees/bushes, I use my step stool because I can not raise my arms up very far.

Right now I feel like I just took on a professional kick boxer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am obviously not at the point of acceptance when it comes to my pain. I feel that I am never going to be able to do these kinds of things ever again. I am too damn young for this crap!!

I sure hope my neuro figures something out. I can handle pain, just not this debilitating pain. Is this seriously what my life may be like for the rest of my life? How in gods name to people live like this.

I know there are plenty of you that deal with horrible pain on a daily basis and I commend yall for it. This is all so much harder than I could have ever imagined. I am only three years into the life with chronic pain, and it feels like it has been a life time.

Take care all, and as always, thanks for listening to my rants.


  • I can totally relate. I'm in the same boat at this point. The last 4 weeks have been worse than ever. Had my first fusion in 2008' second one in 2010 followed by a MVA.

    My suggestions are to be as prepared as you can be, if you need a brace, lidoderm patches, tens unit, ice packs etc have them at the ready. Then don't bite off more than you can chew. Do a little, take a break, do a little more take another break. You get the picture.

    Ps/ I am having a pretty good SCS trial right now. I had it put in on Tuesday. Back to work Wednesday.

    Feel better,

  • I'm sorry for my brain not remembering where you are right now with a Neurosurgeon and a recent MRI?

    Are they saying you have reherniated the areas where you previously had surgery?

    Are they moving forward with more surgery?

    I think for me...after 3 cervical fusion surgeries....I have asked my Neurosurgeon and PM Dr. to help me understand what I could do that would actually injure me further....and what is safe to do but just causes more pain...

    The difference is crucial for me because I just HAVE to keep living my life and doing the things I enjoy...

    So take riding a motorcycle...I do not "drive" but ride on the back of my friend's bike...Obviously this causes extreme pain after a day out. Even though we take frequent breaks...and go hiking....grab lunch....etc..And my friend, who is actually my ex boyfriend, had bought me a really great helmet for my birthday while we were dating that is just as protective and strong in case of an accident...but it is lighter than most to help my neck.

    Again...obviously taking the risk of an accident aside....it's something that the Drs. say won't injure me further so to go ahead and enjoy. I just prepare when I do this with taking my medicine before and after a ride....and to know that I am going to be in awful pain the following few days.

    But it's still worth every single moment as it's something I just love!

    Same thing with traveling and doing mission work with the youth at my church. It means driving for up to 10 hours in a day to get to our destination in the US. As well as being up at 6am and in bed by 11pm and working all day long with helping rebuild homes..These trips leave me in excruciating pain but also worth every single minute.

    Obviously I can't do these things in the amount that I used to....but I will not give them up altogether.

    But it was VERY important that I get the ok from the Dr. that I'm not so perilous that doing something will cause paralysis or great harm to my neck.

    So that is why I asked where you are in that part of your pain issue...

    And yes...I may be farther down the line than you in accepting my chronic pain....I've been at this for over 11 years now.

    So to me...I can handle that type of excruciating pain when I know there is nothing "wrong" in the sense of being emergent....That it will subside in a few days and go back to my regular pain of 5-7 on the scale...

    My life is about trade offs now...I have had to give up a lot of things that I love to do every single day. But I still plan in some things that I absolutely love to do and that give my life joy and meaning....

  • Thanks guys :-)

    This last year has just been hell. I have progressively gotten worse in the last two years, and the last year it's just been at an all time high with the pain. I literally feel like my sanity has left me.

    Lovetotravel, I love how positive you are. Like I said, I am still in a position where I am so back and forth on this acceptance thing that I don't know which way is up or down sometimes. I truly hope I get to the point you are at. I have gotten to where I do trades offs. Today just sent me into shock! I have never been in this much pain doing what I did today.

    "I'm sorry for my brain not remembering where you are right now with a Neurosurgeon and a recent MRI?"

    I finally got an appointment with my neuro, June 12, which seems like 20 years away... But I trust him so much that I refuse to go to another one, even different ones in his office. They said they could get me in much sooner with another surgeon, but it is not happening. He is so conservative that I know if he says surgery, then that is what needs to be done. I feel like I can talk to him about anything and he will not make me feel like I am crazy. He wants to know what is going on and how he can help me.

    "Are they saying you have reherniated the areas where you previously had surgery?"

    Just from the MRI report, it says moderate stenosis on several levels (all of which are above my previous fusion), and some of the other fun degenerative stuff that should come with age when you're 60 (I'm 32). It also says I have an acute herniation at T1.

    "Are they moving forward with more surgery?"

    I won't know 100% until I see my neuro. With my quality of life/function, I am assuming he will recommend surgery.

    These are the times I constantly question whether I "jumped the gun" on my first spine surgery, not that doing this helps or changes anything, just makes me mad at myself. I just feel like I wouldn't be in this position if I hadn't had my first fusion.

    I know so much more now than I did with my last surgery. I have to say, I was pretty ignorant when I had my first one. I always thought of surgery as "you are hurt, surgery fixes it." I had 9 gallstones at the age of 17! Shew wee, talk about painful! I go to the doctor, he says "surgery!" and bam, gallbladder is out and no more attacks. My youngest son had to have foot surgery when he was 5, needed his tendons in his toes lengthened because his toes overlapped and caused a lot of pain and blistering. Again, surgery and his feet are better. Then we come to me, spine surgery, which looking back prior surgery=fixed. NOT!!! Now I realize the reasons for spinal surgery, stabilize and prevent further damage (in a nutshell, obviously that's an extremely generic analogy). It does not always have to do with reducing pain, it's a plus if it does, but that is not always the case or the goal.

    I am just so over the pain, numbness, headaches, etc. It gets so old after a while, and there isn't anything I can do about it. I am on enough drugs to sedate a horse (well maybe not a horse :))) and I just don't want to live on meds anymore.

    Here I go again, random rambling! Lol

    Thanks again for listening to me go on about another crappy day!
  • Join the club. I been doing this now for 8 years. Litle yard work in the morning untill pain is to the point you ready to pass out, then rest meds and rest and try it again untill you reasy almost to go to er,

    We can pretend to accept this but when you cant do it then its a reminder how this sucks ass ! I am a happy guy for the most part but jesus christ lets face it, When you hurt you hurt and and nobody in the world is going to tell you simply accept it and it will actualy mean anything when its you not them who strugles,

    Somerimes those words become meaningless !
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • Yes...I'm a positive person "most" of the time...but I completely understand the other times that are dark...angry....frustrating....filled with pain...

    Hopefully you will get more answers at your next appt.

    But yes...I can empathize with those terrible days where just wonder where your old body went to. When you could just hop out of bed each morning...no pain....and just move through the day without having to think about a thing....Then spend times with family or friends...going out to movies...dinners....games....etc....Just out living our life!

    But now it's all about trade offs....because we have pain or more pain....those are are choices....

    So I hope that you can rest up a bit tomorrow....Maybe even take a slow...walk around outisde if it's going to be prettyy weather wise...

    Sending you hugs (( ))
  • MetalneckMetalneck Island of Misfit toysPosts: 1,364
    As you know ... I've been through H-ll and back again.

    We must learn to accept that this is life on lifes terms ... not ours. We need to attempt to be grateful for the positive things in ours lives and not let the negatives consume us.

    I know ... all easier said then done. I struggle with this and other issues on a daily basis but have a strong support group (as well as this site)that helps me.

    They are few and far between but check with your healthcare providers about chronic pain or other similar support groups.

    Bottom line ... when I get really down I visit this site for perspective:


    Rocks and hard places ...

    So many questions,
    So few answers,
    To the meaning of life,
    To the cure for cancers.

    Each day I walk,
    Each day I wonder,
    Some days Im on top,
    Some days Im under.

    I live in pain,
    I live in fear,
    We try to guess,
    We try to cheer.

    Where is my hope,
    Where is my glee,
    When is relief,
    When will I be free?

    Spine-health Moderator
    Welcome to Spine-Health  Please read the linked guidelines!!

  • I normally do try to see the positive, but lately I feel like everything just keeps going wrong. I am an emotional wreck, which in no way helps. I am on an anti-depressant, which I think I may need to have upped before I go mentally insane.

    I just get so tired of no one in my family (husband, friends, etc.) understanding what I go through. I am not asking for a pity party, I just wish everyone would get that just because I do not look in pain, doesn't mean I am not. I wish when they ask me to do something, and I say no, that they wouldn't question me to the point I want to cry and scream, or I give in and do it and end up paying for it. I am sick and tired of explaining why I don't want to go out dancing or go to the grocery store, or why I look "okay." Do I need to start wearing horrible, torn up clothes, not shower, and look like I have beaten? If I had a limb amputated no one would question me!

    I think I need to stay in bed for a week and make everyone just leave me the h@ll alone. I am just going to keep my thoughts to myself for the next few days, until I actually have something positive to say.
  • MetalneckMetalneck Island of Misfit toysPosts: 1,364
    at least! We do understand and will always be here to support you!

    And you don't need to always be positive here with us.

    Checking in with your doc about your med level is always a good idea.

    With concern,


    Spine-health Moderator
    Welcome to Spine-Health  Please read the linked guidelines!!

  • I agree...please don't isolate yourself...

    You are going through a really rough patch right now...and as I wrote...it happens to ALL of us...

    If I could suggest that instead of rushing to up antidepressant medication....that finding a good counselor/therapist might do wonders.

    Obviously I'm not a Dr. and your Dr.'s say is top dog..LOL...

    But I just think that finding a counselor to really work through all the emotions that come with living with chronic pain can be extremely helpful.

    I went to one for many months as I was also going through a divorce at the same time as my last cervical fusion and realizing that pain was going to be my new best friend forever!:)

    I could cry, be angry, be sad....and learn helpful tools to deal with this new life.

    Obviously this board is a small version of that...but I think a professional is best.

    And I happen to also think that any time we can use a non medicinal approach to help our pain is the best route as we are already on lots of medication that I never thought I would have to take..

    It's also learning that our families, friends, and co-workers will just never understand what it's like living in our shoes...and getting upset at them is futile.

    I've learned to not say too much about my pain issues or keep it to telling them that I have good days and bad days...so if they ask I just say, "Yeah...it's just a bad day today"....and even ask for a simple hug....

    Again...I'm not trying to say that your Dr. shouldn't up your dosage....I'm just saying that dealing with depression is just like dealing with our chronic pain...Medication is just one small piece of the puzzle...

    We have to do other things like eat well, sleep well, exercise, limit or take out altogether alochol, and use counseling to work on healthy ways to be able to handle the down/bad days.

    We are sending you hugs (( ))
  • Thanks for all of your positive attitudes. I would not ever isolate myself, especially from SH. This is the one place that I can get positive feedback. It's just been bad lately. The pain is just turning me into someone that I'm not. I don't like being so negative and grouchy. There were so many things I still wanted to do with my life, and my family. I feel like pain is taking a lot away, but at the same time I should just be happy I am alive and walking, with a beautiful family that loves me. I do cherish all of that, but at the same time I have days where I feel like everything just plain sucks! lol :-)

    I just need to lighten up and take things a day at a time, instead of trying to predict my future. Trying to see into the future can be very overwhelming and depressing, in some aspects. At this time, I think I LET pain rule me, instead of making myself take control.

    Between the pain and my weight gain, I am just having a lot of trouble dealing with things. I have been to therapy, my brother was killed in a car accident when he was 17, and we were extremely close. Needless to say I have been on anti-depressants for a long time. Plus, it's getting close to the time he passed away, June 19th, and his birthday, July 10th, and even without the pain, this is just a very depressing time of year for me.

    Thank you all again for being here for me! I really don't know what I would do without you all. :-) Yes, I am being mushy now ;-)
  • MetalneckMetalneck Island of Misfit toysPosts: 1,364
    I've become a big ole softy from this experience.

    Anger, fear, rage, uncertainty, depression, remorse,significant loss,
    reflection, denial .... etc. all emotions have been and continue to be in play.

    The toughest one has been and remains aceptance and tolerance of my and my extended families (all you guys and gals) situations.

    Warmest regards (and hope and prayers) for us all and extra for you!!,


    I and chat are available right now if you want/need some one on one now.
    Spine-health Moderator
    Welcome to Spine-Health  Please read the linked guidelines!!

  • Thanks! I do need it right now :-)

    It really is the hardest part, dealing with the emotional part of it all. I just have to tell myself that things will get better, things could always be worse. I just have been letting my emotions get the best of me lately.

    I will just be really happy when I get in to see the doc and have a better understanding of what's going on and what options he recommends. I think right now the unknown is just driving me crazy. I have been obsessively researching on the internet and am driving myself crazy.

    Take care and hugs to all my fellow spiney's. Have a great night and wish you all a good nights sleep.

  • MetalneckMetalneck Island of Misfit toysPosts: 1,364
    Meet ya there.

    Okay ... maybe tomorrow .... please take care!

    Spine-health Moderator
    Welcome to Spine-Health  Please read the linked guidelines!!

  • I am only starting to accept this body I am in.. I have a partner who has had CFS for 20 plus years, and he has accepted it. For me, it is a day to day, hour by hour thing. It is really frustrating to me that so many people suffer from chronic pain yet there seem to be so few true solutions that can fix these problems.

    I find that my mix of Western medicine and alternative resources, and diet, make life manageable for me on most days. I try to occupy my mind with learning more about chronic pain and trying to connect with others in a similar situation.

    But I have my moments of depression and despair whenI think of not ever skiing, doing a long hike, riding a horse or kayaking again. Somedays I feel I have accomplished something by walking into King Soopers.

    And I pray a lot that something new comes up that can fix this aching body of mine!

    Wendy S
  • I used to run marathons and completed my last one, the Marine Corps Marathon in D.C. in 2003. It was shortly after that I had an MRI which started me down this long journey.
    Surgery was first recommended in 2004 but I kept putting it off and trying alternate therapies until I began loosing strength in my left arm,I am left handed.
    Now I'm facing possible 3 level fusion, and still not ready.
    Saturday I went out and weeded the front beds and Sunday put 12 bags of mulch, mowed the front yard and by noon was in bed in agony the rest of the day.
    I'm not ready to give up on gardening but yesterday was bad... I feel for you and understand your frustration.
    laminectomy c4/c5 2008, ACDF c4-c7 Jan 20 2014 sched
  • MelW said:
    I have always loved doing yard work; trimming, mowing, even pulling weeds. As most of you know, this is one of the first things to go when you are in chronic pain.
    I feel you on that one. This is the first year in many that I don't have a veggie garden, along with my flower garden, going. This year I think I'll have my hands full just keeping the lawn alive. I look at my forlorn, weed infested gardens, and feel so low.

    Hang in there, Mel. My heart goes out to you.
  • I never ran marathons, but was in track in middle school and have always loved to run. I had to give up running after surgery. I am sorry to hear you can't run anymore either. It is so invigorating to just "hit the pavement" and have the wind in your face. I miss it so much, as I am sure you do. It is awesome you found gardening as an outlet though.

    It seems like there is not a lot we can do without paying the consequences later. Heck I have been in bed all day today with a heating pad on my neck. It doesn't take away a lot of the pain, but helps just enough that it's worth it. I hate that I am in bed doing nothing, kind of makes me feel like a loser, which is something I am trying to overcome because there are days that I just need to rest my body/neck.

    I do love gardening though. I normally can do quite a bit before I start hurting, and I usually do not get hit with the intense pain until the following day, but I think trimming all the bushes and trees by hand just didn't agree with me. :-)

    Have you decided to have the surgery or waiting it out right now?
  • Ginger, this is the first year I will not be doing a garden either. It sucks!!! I look forward to fresh grown tomato's and zuchinni! There is NOTHING better than a tomato from your own garden. My husband helped me plant our garden last year, but it ended up being overgrown with weeds and I just couldn't take care of it.

    I am actually thinking about trying a few tomato plants in pots this year. I have never done it, but heard they work out well. At least that way I can have a few tomato plants minus the everyday weeding.
  • I can no longer garden either. Miss walking around garden shops for hours and checking out all the new varieties of flowers and plants. I used to plant tons of flowers and have enough vegetables to make different pickles, chutneys etc. This year it will be some flowers in a few pots. I still am going to plant a few cucumbers and tomatoes. I agree, there is nothing like a fresh tomato from the garden. Tomatoes grow well in pots on the patio. I just don't want to give up completely on gardening cause it would make me even sadder.
  • I think we all feel your pain. Please try and stay focused. (not always easy to do) I read where you mentioned that you have to wait until June 12th to see your doctor. I think I have one up on you :)

    After many years of pain and "bad" doctors I finally spent many hours of research finding a Neurologist with a great reputation and connected to a great hospital and spine center. Only one problem...his first appointment is in September !!!! But you know its really tough to wait that long but I hope he can help me. I keep telling myself after 20 years of pain what's another 4 months.

    I do hope you get some relief and yes if you need to vent we will listen.

  • Wow, four months! I would be willing to wait as long as is needed for my doc. He is awesome and I trust him, so I will wait, even if they called tomorrow and said they have to move my appt back two months, I'd wait.

    I actually just got off of the phone with my husband... I am currently going to get my Assoc in Science and Nursing, taking this summer off. To add to my pain/emotions/stress, he said what I was thinking, but am terrified to admit. He told me I probably ought to think about another field because of the physical aspect of being a nurse. I know he is right, I am just so tired of giving things up.

    He also told me I have turned into a mean person and I never want to do anything. I have to get over this hatefullness or it is going to ruin my life. I try not to talk about it because I know no one wants to hear it. Everyone just wants me to act like nothing is wrong and be my normal self.

    My youngest son just came in and saw me crying and said "mom if your back hurts today we don't have to go to the skate park." Talk about feeling like sh!t...
  • Yes, being a nurse is most likely a physical thing, but if you really like the "medical field" there are many other ways of helping people. You can always volunteer at your local hospital.

    Sorry to hear that your husband thinks you are a mean person. I have an extremely understanding wife and don't know how I would get through the things I do every day without that support. You can't always act like things are normal when you are in pain. I also think that some of the drugs we are all on do something to our normal self.

    Your son sounds sensative to your pain. Even though it might make you feel like sh!t you should be proud that he has these feelings. You can just do the best you can. It is what it is.

    Feel better,
  • I do have a backup plan to nursing, so I am going to look into it and go from there. I have always wanted to help people. Growing up I always wanted to be a police officer. I filled out my app, had my appt to do all of my testing, then got my interview appt. I fell in between all of this and being a police officer was a thing of the past after I had to have surgery. Then I decided to follow in my family's footsteps (my grandpa was an ENT, grandma a nurse, sister and aunt's all nurses) and go for the medical field, which I have been in school for for a year and a half. Now, with my neck going to crap again, I do not know that I will be able to handle the physical aspects of being a nurse. The thought of being on my feet for 12-14 hours a shift and lifting patients. It's depressing, to say the least, but I guess I just need to learn to improvise and live with it.

    Normally my husband is pretty understanding. I think he is at a point that he just can't help me and he doesn't know what to do. He apologized to me for being insensitive yesterday.
  • Hi! I am right there with you...I am new here and just got the news that I have the neck of a 70 yo, I am 36.I am and EMT and that might be going on the back burner. I am also a stay @ home Mom...so my job NEVER ends. My hubby is a paramedic and he understands my pain and grumpiness (for that I am thankful)But I feel bad for my kids (8 & 5) because they are already "trained" for a bad Mommy day. When I lock myself in my bedroom, take meds and sleep the day away. I can not do all the things I have wanted to do with my kids.
    Since getting the results of my MRI last week I have been doing a ton of research...found this site in the process. But all my research leads me to become more upset at my situation.
    I just had to give up firefighting because the extra weight on my head and shoulders could not be tolerated. Before DX I would go on calls and wonder why I would have a migraine and extreem neck/shoulder pain for days after. I just sucked it up, called my PCP got flexeril and went about my day.
    Then the awful migraines started to happen. Keeping me in bed for days. AS I said my EMT days are nearing an end because of left sided weakness. I can not possibly lift a patient with only my partner and have my trigger hand slip or not grip.
    That is fantastic that you have found a great Neuro. Mine did not explain everything to me. He went over the medical reasons things were bad but did not get into what to do to make it better. He was surprised by my MRI and pretty much said surgeon and pain management. YAY!
    I too garden and plan to weed today. I too use a low stool or sit on ground. Hubby helps a lot with the garden.
    Can I just B*tch about the older people (over 60) who when I tell them what is wrong with me that they say "yeah I have that too"....well duh you are 60 + years old I am only 36!!!! If I was 60 and got this DX I would be OK with it. But to be so young and know I will be in pain for the rest of my life just sucks!
    You can always PM me. and I will stay up to date on your post.
    For everyone else...I am sorry we are in pain. I agree a good attitude does a lot. and finding something to enjoy is very important!


    *multilevel DDD with Dessication, spondylitic ridging
    *Uncintate process hypertrophy causing multilevel left forminal stenosis (severe in C5-C6)
    *C6-7 small central disc protrusion
    * moderate atlantoaxial osteoarthritis
    *loss of disc height and volume @ c5-c6

  • Man, I feel for ya with the kids. I mean seriously, my youngest (10yrs old) is very sensitive to my pain, which is good he is sensitive. I just hate that he can walk in, look at me, and just know it's "one of those days." He seems to understand though.

    I can't imagine already being in the field and having to let it go... At least I am still in school and am not giving up a career, yet. I am sorry to hear you may be at the end of yours. We are too young for this crap!!!

    Other than when I go to classes, I am a stay at home mom too. My two boys are a little older though, still pains in the butts sometimes :-) My oldest is 16 and everything is girl drama. I think him and his girlfriend break up every other day!

    Finding a good neuro and pain doc is so important. I actually for for my two month appt with my PM this Friday. He hasn't seen my new MRI, so we will see what he thinks. I do know that my pain meds now just aren't cutting it, but I really do not want to do a lot of med changing until after I see my neuro and see what he says.

    Anyhow, feel free to PM me any time as well. I am on quite often. Between checking for updates and researching till my head explodes, while laying in bed, I try to check for messages a few times a day.

    Take care
  • I served 20 years in the Navy and after I got out decided to follow my dream, to open my own restauraunt. I went to culinary school and realized about half way through that my back wouldn't hold up to the physical demands.
    There were friends who said, "you can own it without having to do all the work" , right, If I can't cook the food, I don't want to own the restauraunt.

    As for gardening, I had a vegetable garden until 4 years ago. Squirrels kept eating everything. Even tried the hanging tomato baskets, they would pick the tomatoes while still green and take one bite and leave them in the yard. I converted the garden to a bed and put a fountain in the center with calla lilies, which are currently in full bloom, all around the fountain. I do have herbs in pots but no more veggies.

    I haven't decided on the operation yet, I go back to OS next week. Probably give the nerve block one more try, I want to get through this year before deciding on the surgery and then I'll have to decide which to do first neck or revision of partial knee to full knee replacement. Wasn't diagnosed with Rhuematoid arthritis until after I had the partial knee done and because of RA it didn't solve my issues.
    laminectomy c4/c5 2008, ACDF c4-c7 Jan 20 2014 sched
  • Sad but true once in awhile even after acceptances sets in I still have bad days where I want my REAL life back :( Today is one of those days....sigh
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • Hi everyone~ after reading all your posts, I want to first say I am so sorry for what you are all going through. Physically & emotionally. I had a fusion March 2011. After being told I would be out of work for 6 weeks, here it is over a year later, lost my job after 13 years because I couldn't go back. And in more pain then ever. My nerve pain is so severe lately, I feel like I am losing my mind sometimes. While I try to keep a positive attitude and smile on my face around friends & family, I am crying on the inside, or when I am alone. I am not sure this is the right thing to do, because then when I can't do things, they don't understand why, since I seemed "normal" yesterday. Geez, if they only knew what I was going through just to keep that smile on my face! I feel like I am always defending myself, and I HATE that. I shouldn't have to. But they just don't understand. My MIL called the other day and as we were talking, I tried to explain to her about chronic nerve/back pain. Her reply was that it wwas a bunch of crap and there is meds out there to take it all away. Like it was magic or something. I am currently taking Neurontin, Dilaudid, ms contin, and paxil. I was on cymbalta, didn't help pain at all. Lyrica I didn't give a chance since I had awful side effects. I have had numerous shots..nothing has touched this pain I am "living" with everyday. I am going back to PM Dr. Friday to discuss more med changes. She wants me to get the neurostimulator, but after reading alot of negative things about it, I can't see myself getting that done. While I try so hard to live a normal life, it just is not possible at this point. I am unable to drive with the narcotics, and being a passenger is just pure hell. 10 minutes in a vehicle...tops. After that, my nerves go whacky and I can't stand the pain. So needless to say, my home is my world. I am thankful for a beautiful sunroom that I can sit in all day and watch the birds and bunnies. I have a pool, and once it warms up some I will get some relief doing pool therapy. Not sure what to do at this point. Depressed? Absolutely. But, I keep it bottles up inside me since i don't want to bring anyone down with me. On my "off days" which is ALOT, I don't answer my emails or phone calls, until I can get the pain under control somewhat, so I can once again, put my happy face on and pretend my life is fine. Sometimes it comes out, and I cry to my husband about not having a life. I feel like I am ruining his along with mine. We used to be so active, and we go nowhere anymore. I try to go out to dinner sometimes, but it has to be close (car ride)and fast. No sipping margaritas over dinner and going to a movie. We were not only active, but we were very social. Not anymore. Today is our 6th wedding anniversary (we were both previously married, I am 45)and he is up in bed sleeping and I will be sleeping on the couch, where I have been sleeping for the past 6 months. I need the back of the couch for support on my back. I miss my bed. I miss sleeping next to my husband. Most of all...I miss my life. And I want it BACK! I just don't know how to do that...yet. But I will keep searching for answers as I hope you all do. Don't ever give up hope. I wish all the best for all of you.
This discussion has been closed.
Sign In or Register to comment.