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It hurts to live this way

I never thought a few years ago that today everything I do revolves around my back , I hate waking up in the morning and taking those first steps that hurt so bad . Does the pain ever level off? The depression that comes with the pain is the hardest part and not being able to do the things I want. Sometimes I sit and watch people going and laughing and having fun and I look at them and I cant remember the last time I felt like laughing ..Wonder how many people have just give up ..


  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,833
    Every day I wake up there is some level of pain, some days worse than others.
    Does the pain ever level off? Some times I say less, and there are some days I feel like hell.

    But giving up is not in my vocabulary. Its not that its hard to do or I am anyone special or lots of strength, its just
    because I want to .. I want to see the next day and the next. Every morning I wake up and I am happy to be here.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Sorry to hear of your pain, I also wake up every day in some pain lake of mobilty and up untill 6yrs ago I had a normal active life two jobs. I found the first year the hardest and like you had the depression that comes with it, but my life changed and I had to change with it. I hope you got some family surport or some one you can talk to, have you talked to your doctor or even your pain managment team about your depression because they can help too. Takecare
  • Your post sounds like one I did awhile back. I also am in the middle stage of sick of hurting and acceptance. I don't like giving advice but all I can say is

    NEVER GIVE UP!!!!! Keep looking, trying things, talking with different docs.

    I am still learning how to control my pain so I can at least be able to work part time again and I have recently discoverd that the pain, Depression and anxeity must be treated all at the same time and the depression and anexity treated with the same intensity as the pain. Hope this makes you feel a least a little better. I am now on Xanex and I placed a post on this about that but one thing I left out is that when your anexity is low you know your going to be in pain but you really don't care that much, it's just a thing no more no less.

    Back in 2011 I was in such bad shape that was hospitalized for sever depression and sleep depravation. It took awhile but I found a good PM doc and now I am making progress. Please NEVER GIVE UP it will get better. If I had the meds then for pain, depression, and anxeity that I do now I would still be working and would have never been in the hospital.

    Hope this helps

    Mr Grouch in MD. ( delibatating sciatica and a bunch of dried up discs).

  • Since the age of nine I have counted VERY few days waking up pain free. I have found different routines help with different pains. Some mornings requires I get up and literally walk around and around and around my "island" in my kitchen until things loosen up. Sometimes its taking a very cold shower followed by a very hot shower or vice versa... sometimes its stretching in the bed before getting out of it, sometimes its taking meds while still in the bed (usually OTCs for me) and giving them a little time to work before stretching/showering/walking. If you wake up in a level 8 pain, then these "routines" are probably NOT going to get it down to a 2, but it can get it down to a 5 which can allow you to get off to work, or out of the house and I've always find that once I could get out of the house (even if that was with a walker/wheel chair, etc) I could find things to keep my mind off the level 5 pain. I do think some people "just give up". However, if you refuse to do that.... keep trying different morning routines and find what works best for you knowing they will always have to be changed/adjusted you will probably find some relief. Another thing to think about are night time routines. Usually I have much better mornings if I do yoga at night (and I'm going to say I'm using the term "yoga" very lightly here as I use to LOVE yoga but with all my new hardware, I cant do nearly as much) but those stretches at night would give me much better mornings... If I was having lots of pain before bed, soaking in Epsom salt that night would give me a better morning. Now you might be saying, "I've tried all of these things"... but I know you haven't tried them in every combo possible... that's the "not giving up part"... not just saying, I tried that for a few days and it didn't work... but saying ok, I tried it a few days, didn't work... what can I now add what new combinations can I try etc. (and a quick stretching thought. I know stretches use to not work well for me until I had a PT explain that I needed to hold the stretch past 30 seconds and an entire minute if possible... I thought, "I always do that...duh" until I actually started timing it... then I realized I WASN'T holding stretches near long enough... I think that one reason yoga worked well because it forces you to maintain stretches for a long time. so keep that in mind, actually use a timer when stretching and see if that helps.(focusing on front and back of thighs are some of the BEST for low back pain) Remember though, don't hold a "painful" stretch like that or you'll just end up pulling the muscle and being much worse off.
    33yo mom of two. My surgical history...preadolescence scoliosis, kyphosis, and a hot mess.... 5 spine surgeries and lots of items added I wasn't born with (titanium, peek, surgical steel). Guess cremation is out. TSA loves me.
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