Hello, long time since I've posted anything since my radiation treatments. I honestly thought the worst was over but then my life got turned upside down. I'll keep this as short and to the point as possible.
I got a call from my PM office in early May telling me there was something irregular with my test in April and I needed to come immediately. I assumed my MRI was showing something new and I was freaking. So I get there as soon as I can and they requested all my meds after I got there. I told them I don't keep all of them on me all the time b/c I've had them stolen before. I take a days worth when I leave for work. they said to come back the next day but they still wouldnt tell me what's going on. Something must have shown up on my drug test. Oh we'll, no worries. After all I only take what the DR gives me, so I don't give it another thought. I show up again the next day and I'm told I'm positive for Heroin. Heroin????!!!!!! I truly thought it was a joke, but it wasn't. I'm only going to say this once, I've never done heroin in my life or even seen it before. My wife (she's an RN) demands a retest on the urine in question. But guess what?? They through it out after the first and only test. Apparently they don't think it's possible they will ever make a mistake. Oh, this test is done outside my DR's office. My wife and I had a consultation with my doctor the next day and she took away all of my meds and offered Suboxone, that's it. But I was not kicked out of the program. After 9 years with her with no problems, never even called my meds in early, no positive tests of any kind, I'm treated like this. She did say she didn't think I was taking heroin but that I was "cooking" up my Kadian to make something else. I told her, I'm not a chemist, how would I do that? She said probably from youtube. I replied, that would be illegal and whoever made the video would be found and investigated, at least.
It's now August and I'm simply at the end of my rope, my sanity. I simply cannot take this anymore. I sleep about every 3rd day, it's usually about 50 hours of excruciating pain and then about 6-8 hours sleep. My record so far is 4 1/2 days of no sleep. No one will help me and I feel so alone and angry. I can't believe this has happened and I don't understand how this has happened. The only thing I can think of is that someone switched my sample. I remembered vividly the day of this test because there was no one there to take my sample or seal it up. There was just a cup and a form for me to sign. The nurse was in the exam room so anything could have happened. My only conclusion is that this was a simple mixup or someone's desperation to not get caught themselves. I suppose I could get a lawyer but what doctor will want to treat me after I sue this doctor? I'll be black marked forever. I'm trying to ride this storm out and pray something will change but its not looking like anything is going to change.
I've been in constant pain for more than 11 years, it never goes away and the last pain free day I had was before 2002. I've had 10 surgeries in the last 10 years, spinal cage fusion, microdiskectomy, laminectomy, bone cancer damage in 6 vert., multiple disc protrusions and bulges, 5 weeks of radiation treatment killed the marrow in all 6 vertibraes that had tumors and Fibromyalgia. My T10 vert is the worst with more than 85% bone eaten away. Stabbing, burning, shooting pain throughout my lower and middle back into my shoulders. Nerve damage in my lower back causes my right leg to hurt bad enough that I swear its broken. I was taking Percocet, Kadian, Dillaudid and ambien. And even with all those meds I still haven't been able to sleep in a bed for over 2 years, so I've slept in a recliner since the cancer started up in 2008.
I apologize for the long message and if you made it this far, thank you very much for reading. I'm not fishing for sympathy comments or anything. It's just I'm having some very bad thoughts and wondering if it is ok to end life when it's nothing but constant suffering. Because this is not living a life, being tortured day after day with no relief and I can't see any light at the end of this tunnel. If anyone knows someone who's been in this type of situation, or similar and can give advice please do because I'm at a complete loss and I don't see any options.
Thank you for listening.