Today, I realized why I feel annoyed and angry all the time. I feel depressed. Having back issues and chronic pain since 21, I've had to resort to being dependent on people, which is very unlike my personality. I'm angry that my body isn't working the way that it should be, I'm angry that I can't be a normal 23 year old, I'm angry that my choice of careers has been flushed down the drain, and I'm angry that I can't be me anymore.
I really feel like I don't feel happy anymore. Instead, I'm anxious that I won't get home in time to take my meds as scheduled. I'm anxious that if I do more than one piece of housework a day that my back will hurt, but the house will look a mess. I feel a sense of hopelessness in my situation: the fact that I can't sit down long enough to sit through a class lecture, or stand or long enough to do the job that I was doing before. I just feel stuck in a situation that I can't get out of because worker's comp won't approve anything that could possibly help me. I just feel hopeless. Will it ever get better?
I'm sorry for going on and on, but thanks for listening.