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Saddest day fo my life

After watching my mother suffer un relentless pain for weeks from a t9 burst fracture, it was just too much for her body to take. She had other medical issues so treating the spine was not a option. My mother passed away Thursday with her family by her side. She began bleeding from her anus and vagina which we suspect was some sort of internal bleeding from the fracture but like I said before the Drs said nothing could be done. This has been the hardest thing I have ever been thru in my life. If your parents are still alive, call them , tell them how much you love them. Visit them as often as possible.I feel like part of my soul is gone.


  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I was with my mom when she passed a couple of years ago. I know it's hard, but at least she's not in pain any more. Stay strong.
    Artificial disc at L5S1 for 10 years. Had 3 Level lumbar fusion and Laminectomy on Sept 27, 2013. It was an OLIF (Oblique Lumbar Interbody Fusion) with cages, BMP, rods & screws. Norco, Plaquenil
  • I lost my Mom a couple of years ago. She passed peacefully in hospice. It hurt like hell. I was 55 at the time and still felt like an orphan. Take time to grieve and celebrate the life your mother lived.

    4 level ACDF completed on January 3rd.
    I developed an infection which required reopening the wound on January17th
    Looking forward to life without as much pain!
  • sandisandi Posts: 6,302
    edited 09/16/2013 - 5:23 AM
    There are no words that will bring you much in the way of comfort, but I am truly sorry for your loss.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 10,060
    deepest sympathy. Losing a parent is never easy regardless of their age. Wishing you and your entire family the strength to get through the next phase.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time.
    I just wanted to reach out with a hug from Australia.

    DDD. Married,Mum of 2, Age 45: 2007 & 2008 L5/S1 Discectomy
    April 2013 L5/S1 Anterior Fusion
    & L4/L5 Artificial Disc Replacement
  • AllMetalAAllMetal Posts: 1,189
    edited 09/16/2013 - 1:33 PM
    So sorry for your loss Susan. Prayers for you and your family.
    33yo mom of two. My surgical history...preadolescence scoliosis, kyphosis, and a hot mess.... 5 spine surgeries and lots of items added I wasn't born with (titanium, peek, surgical steel). Guess cremation is out. TSA loves me.
  • jlrfryejjlrfrye ohioPosts: 1,110
    It seems as if the days are getting harder instead of easier. I am hoping with time that I can get thru a day without a tear. We took care of each other. She helped me and I helped her with both of our medical issues. We could always figure it out one way or another. Ive taken care of her for so long I don't know what to do with myself.The quietness of the house is almost too much to bare. I keep waiting for her to call out my name.to let know she is up. Oh what I would give to hear that voice one more time
  • Susan, although we have never spoken I am so sorry for your loss. My mum drives me crazy at times but I love her. I have lost quite a lot of people in my life but I dread losing my mum. I was told to light a candle each day for my sister or plant a tree and talk to her and this has helped me before. I still feel her presence at times now when I think about her.
  • Sorry for your loss,. My mom is still here but her mind is going fast.

    I am curious why your mom suffered for weeks with the pain. Couldn't she be given something or it didn't work? When my father was 80 and dying the doc didn't want to give him something because "he may become addicted".
  • Pink2lipPink2lip Posts: 123
    edited 09/17/2013 - 11:17 AM
    I am sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my mom 10 years ago when I was 30. I was born when she was 40.
    40 year old mom
    Tlif July 18
  • I am heartbroken over you loss. I lost both my parents. My daddy died in hospital by himself which was horrible for me. My mama lived with me and was surrounded by all her loved ones. They still let me know they watch over us whether it's a dream or a special song. It was awesome you were able to help each other and I know you will miss her terribly. I will keep you in my prayers and if you need to talk I am always on here.

    Love and hugs,
  • So sorry your loss. I know all to well the heartbreak of losing a parent. I still have my Mom but losing my Dad was one ogpf the saddest days of my life. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
  • jlrfryejjlrfrye ohioPosts: 1,110
    your experience her Dr didn't want her to become addicted. Finally after literally storming into the Dr office demanding to see a DR I finally got her some meds. The first was vicodin which did nothing, then the home care nurse suggested Hospice but her Dr would not sign off on it and instead wrote a prescription for Percs. This also did no good, He didn't want Hospice involved because he didn't want her over medicated. When the bleeding started and she had to be carried into the Dr office he took one look at her and signed off on Hospice. He stated he had to see her before he would sign off on it. Once Hospice became involved it took them a few days to get her pain under control because it was so out of control for weeks. She passed peacefully and quietly within days of Hospice becoming involved along with being pain free. To watch a parent suffer as she did was the hardest thing I have ever done.Hospice workers are angels and god bless them all
  • My heart bleeds for you Susan. Yes Hospice is wonderful. We had them in for my Mother and I moved from Alabama to care for her.
    Sending you hugs while I wipe tears for you.
    Patsy W
  • LizLiz Posts: 7,904
    I am so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you and your family

    Liz, Spine-health Moderator

    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
  • so sorry for your loss .losing a loved one is very painful all I can say is I know what you are feeling like and in time it does get a little easier ....but not much ..
    tony and kath xxx
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,732
    It seems like just yesterday I was going through this too. But It's been a Alot longer. 3 years in Nov. It's a hard thing to get over it controlling your life.
    It will get better, I promise you. Just recently I've been able to look up at her and smile about the remembrance of a good time. Or some thing that made her smile. It's not something we ever get over. We just learn to accept. And most spinnies have learned to do that.
    I'm now at a time that was a long time coming.
    I pray that it comes faster for you! SO SORRY!
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • Very sorry for your loss.
  • Its hard too lose your best buddy. You will be in my prayers.
  • I'm very, very sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 12 years ago and its still very hard to deal with at times. You will probably feel worse before better. Just hang in there and know that your mom is at peace and no longer in pain. I know its easy to say that but it really is true. God bless you.
  • jlrfryejjlrfrye ohioPosts: 1,110
    edited 09/20/2013 - 11:32 PM
    For the kind words and the private messages. Its been a little over a week now and has seemed to get worse. I cry in the car, I cry when I come home to the empty house. The dog is grieving so bad that he has chewed holes into the top of his paws so he is now on valium so Ive decided a new rescue dog comes today hopefully to help the little guy out ( me too). He is not used to being left alone all day and hopefully this will help him. Not only have I lost my mother in a sense I have lost my sister also. Let me explain that one, My sister lives about 1 mile down the road although she only visited when convenient for her which was not often till the very end. To make a long story short there was no logical reason why my mother was still alive so Hospice called in a Hospice Dr that we were told she would be able to tell us what was going on. This woman a very classy woman walked in the door like she owned the house, walked straight back to my mothers room and examined her then asked all of us if we had told her it was ok to go, which we all had ( about 14 family members here) , she asked if she had asked anything of us and the only thing she had asked was that I sleep with her. So the Dr threw everyone out of the room but the hospice nurse and I and closed the door. I laid down next to my mother and she passed in 3 hrs. I had fallen asleep and awoke suddenly to hear the nurse tell me she was at 2 breaths per minute and I sat up watched her take her last breath and she was gone. My mother knew she was dying and we had some good talks before the end which I am so thankful for. It was I who cared for her , not my sister who now says I took her mother away from her. I suspect a lot of that is guilt. I had always told all 3 of her other kids in the end I would be able to look at myself in the mirror but they would not like what they see when they did. They made their choices and now they can deal with the guilt. I have not one regret about taking care of her all those years. I believe god scheduled my back surgery which was about 8 weeks ago to give me those 6 weeks of recovery time with her but I never imagined it would be this hard. I miss her so bad. My mothers quality of life was very poor and she is in a better place now, I wouldn't wanted her to suffer any longer. She suffered long enough. I know she would be so upset if she knew how hard this has hit me and I try to get thru each day with good thoughts but the selfish part of me wants her back. Hopefully today will be a better day
  • I had the honor 6 years ago to enforce my mothers last wishes and make them pull the plug. She did not want to live n a machine and the drs were ignoring advanced directives. I arrived and enforced and then spent the last six hours letting her rest until she passed,......ON my 48th birthday. It was an honor. May you find peace in your decision.
  • It was so touching to hear you were with your Mom in the end and yours was probably the last voice and touch your Dear Mom had on this earth. May God comfort you in this sad time of sorrow for you and His Angels wipe away your tears. Hugs. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Cath111CCath111 Posts: 3,702
    edited 09/24/2013 - 3:19 PM
    Susan, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I've lost both my parents and two siblings, so I truly can understand the pain. Not that that helps, but you're not alone. Thanks for posting. It had to be hard, but comforting to share with your SH family.

    Take good care of yourself and don't hold anything in, let it out when necessary. For me, it was usually in the shower when I let it go. Whatever you have to do, do it...she's resting now, it's those of us left behind that have so much to deal with.

  • My heart goes out to you. Just so hard to watch a loved one suffer. Pain management is not done well by all doctors. So sorry she had one who refused to see the purpose of the drugs....to make her comfortable in her last days. Ptayers for u and your family.
    CA Wife and Mom, 55, L5-S1 Microdiscectomy on 7/12/13
  • You loss brings tears to my eyes, my dad is gone (6 yrs ago) so I know and understand what you are going through. Be, cause of what you have said I plan to call my mom as soon as I finish this note to you. I do understand the selfish side of wanting them back. I know its so very hard right now, everything reminds you of her, so the tears flow. There will come a day when you start to smile at those memories and you will laugh at something your mom did or said...I the family stuff too, we had alot of that when my dad passed away. Just remember you are the one able to look urself into the mirror. You have no regrets and you were right there beside here when she left. You gave her her last wish!! What an amazing gift you gave to your mom and she gave to you in return. You will get through this Susan, even though it sure doesn't feel this way now. You have alot of people here who care alot, based on the posts. I didnt have this when my dad passed away, I wish I had of....Lean on everyone here. You and your beautiful mothere will be in my prayers tonight........calling my mom now, ty Susan for reminding me that I need to.....
  • You should contact your local hospice and ask about grief support groups. Most Hospices offer these at no cost. It will help.
    4 level ACDF completed on January 3rd.
    I developed an infection which required reopening the wound on January17th
    Looking forward to life without as much pain!
  • Sandy, I only read your first post... but I am so sorry for your loss... When I read "saddest day in my life" I thought, well what could it be? For me that would be if my mother dies. She is alive thank God but it would be the saddest day in my life. Well unfortunately it was the case for you. At least she is no longer suffering. God Bless You............. and carry you through this time. So sorry :(
    ACDF C4-5 June 23rd, 2011

    Another surgery in the near future. I am 26 years old.

    Current Meds- Norco 7.5/325, Cymbalta 60mg, Gabapentin, Adderall 20mg
  • My deepest sympathy to you and your family at this difficult time. My parents live half way around the world and I never get to see them. I plan on giving them a call more often. Hugs to you!
    2011 ACDF C5-6 for Spondylosis with Myleopathy
    2012 L4-5 herniated disc and hernated disc at C4/5 2013 Taking Amitriptyline for headaches
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