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Fear and hoplessness how I cope

I have been dealing with pain and depression For 18 years now. At times I feel as if I have reached the end of my rope. If I sleep I dread waking up to be in the same place the same body the same pain. I want to give up on it all and just quit. I want to curse the world and blame it on everything and everybody. I have lost so much due to my pain and my failing spine. I wish that I could sleep and not wake, but then I realize that I would be missing out on so much. I would be leaving behind some of the more beautiful thing that life has to offer me. I have three beautiful girls and I want to watch them grow. I would miss the smell of rain or the sound of music. The little things that life has to offer me would be lost to me. It doesn't make the pain go away or lessen but it helps me to see things a little clearer. Yes I hurt and yes I hate it. I have lost so much I have had things taken from me because of it, but you can't the little things from me. Those are things that I can enjoy still regardless of how bad I hurt. So what that I can't draw like I used to or the fact that just typing this out is taking me for ever to do so. I can still hear the wind when it blows, or the sound of rain as it hits the ground. I can still look at beautiful works of art or most importantly the smile on my girls faces when I get to see them. The sound of their laughter as we watch one of their movies. I can still enjoy those little things that life has to offer. Each day is like my own personal hell and there are days that I don't think I can do it anymore, then I think about the little things that we all have taken for granted. It helps me maybe it could help some others out there that deal with being in pain and are depressed. I hope it does antidepressants can only due so much for us sometimes we need more.


  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    hey lloyd,
    I've read a few of your posts here and I do know what you are feeling. But it also seems you have turned the corner and know what really is important. I've been down too, more than once. I hope it never happens again but then again there are no guarantee's. But I do know, like you, I appreciate the most simple things life, things I had taken for granted.
    Be strong my friend and be the best you can be. Those girls need you!
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