CP is my constant companion. It is part of every waking moment of my life. It invades my sleep, it denies me access to my friends and family. It seems to be the thing that dictates the terms under which I live my life. My relationship with CP is very intimate. I consider CP an unwanted guest in my life, almost that of a deranged stalker. CP has decided, without my consent that it is to be a very active participant in my life. On a good day I defy my constant companion and do things that I choose to do. Things I know I will pay for but still I do it prove I still can.
Due to CP I have come up with new ways to describe pain. There is the common garden variety pain, which everyone know and has experienced. Then there is the pain that can almost be described as exquisite in its complete devastation. Then there is the pain that is sly, it pounces like a big cat attacking its prey. The list goes on and on. How does one use the 1- 10 scale when there is truly no number to quantify what you are experiencing.
I live my life as best I can. I choose to laugh at my uninvited guest. Not because I think there is anything funny about it, but to do anything else would be to admit defeat and curl up in a corner sobbing. There are days when I have pity parties for one. Being a stubborn sort, I know now that there are now new limits under which I must live my life. It has been a very long learning curve. I know that soon I must embrace this part of me rather than treat it as the unwanted intruder in my life.