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I don't know

doofddoof Posts: 131
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:18 AM in Matters of the Heart
I go back to work tomorrow and I don't know how I feel about it.

I've had 3 months off recovering from my 2 level cervical ADR, however, prior to that I was off for a month with all sorts of awful eye infections.

Last year I was off for over 4 months recovering from 2 seperate lumbar decompressions. I hope I can put this behind me now but the simple truth is that I just don't know.

I don't know if I have had long enough off, I don't know if this is as good as it's going to get, I don't know if I will ever return to unrestricted duties, I don't know if the numbness in my fingers means my surgery has failed, I don't know if the tingling in my thigh means further problems in my back, I don't know if I have to accept that this is my lot, I don't know if this time next year I will be happily running fun runs, I don't know if this time next year I will be horse riding again, I don't know if I will wake up feeling all my fingers again :?

I see my NS on Wednesday, I don't know if he can answer any of those questions for me.



  • hey doof its no fun not knowing is it,i think ul b fine when u go back 2 work, after 10 mins it l b like u were never away. its a confidence thing the longer u off the lower the confidence goes,thats what i think,as u know i ve been off work since december. half of me can t wait 2 go back and the other half is scareed senceless lol.Im really gonna miss r coffee mornings,Good luck 2mor though im sure ul not need it
    take care
  • Hey who said anything about me not making it for coffee mornings!!!!
  • will u still b able 2 make coffee mornings? happy days
  • Doof,
    Good luck tomorrow, it is so hard and scary not to know what's going to happen to us next. It is just very frustrating! Like you I had my lumbar issues and now all of my left fingers are numb and my middle finger on my right hand is too :? ! Going for a CT on Tuesday, I hope that my neck is ok....... Good thoughts for tomorrow coming to you! and good luck with the NS too. ;)
  • Hey Doof,

    I hate not knowing too, so all you can do is just take it one day at a time. I can tell you that after my surgery I was still improving month on month for over 2 years post-op, so don't think for one second that how you feel now is necessarily as good as it's going to get. You still have more healing to do, along with more conditioning yourself to getting used to normal everyday life again. Part of that is work, and in the past work was just about all I could cope with for a while. But as you gradually build up your strength again, you will start to realise - hey, I did this today, and hey, I did that today! So my only advice is to take it one day at a time. Baby steps for now are still steps in the right direction.

    Good luck tomorrow and if you're really sore afterwards, don't be disheartened - it WILL get better. Let us know how you get on. Big hugs, Spicey
  • Doof, that really is good news that your doctor feels you are ready to go back to work. Are you starting part time, or will you be working full days right off the bat?

    You will probably finish your first day and come home ready for a hot bath to soak those neck muscles in, but try to remember that it is normal. Your neck muscles have been on break for a long time now and they will scream at you--they like being unemployed!

    I know that staying busy is a key part of our recovery. When our bodies are ready for the increased stress, it is actually therapeutic to be able to think of something else, and to be able to do a job and feel good about it. I hope you aren't stuck at a desk though, because I know you enjoy being out doing your police work.

    Please take it easy, and let people help you. If you are doing desk work, remember to use a telephone headset to minimize the stress on your neck. You know all the things to do to make it easier for you.

    Good luck, and go get those bad guys! Just don't get so busy that you forget to pop in and say hello.

    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • I think it's amazing if your doc thinks you're well enough to go back. It means you're HEALING. In my book, these days, that's an amazing thing! I can understand the apprehension though and I would be as scared as you are. I'm sure you're going to have a lot of questions for the doc though and make sure you write them all down so that you don't forget. You'll still have limitations I'm sure and you'll want to have those clear so that you don't make a bad move and re-injure.

    Please let us know how your day went.....if you have the energy. If not, we understand!

    Best wishes,

  • I wish I could answer all of those questions for you but I will be praying for you and I will always be here if you ever want to talk.... :)
  • Hey you,

    How was your first day back? bet it feels like you've never been away! It sucks doesn't it not knowing what's going to happen...

    I hope today went well and you're not too tired.

    Speak soon,

  • Well off I trotted back to the grind, I felt like I hadn't been away. It was nice to catch up with the gang and verbally abuse everyone (well that wouldn't expect anything else from me). I felt OK when I got home, patted the dog on the head and had a coffee ............. next thing I know I'm waking up on the sofa 2 hours later :P !

    I'm sticking to 4 hours a day for this week and then I go off to our residential physio centre for a fortnight. I will then be re-assessed after that. It's hard enough to do my job in 8 hours a day, let alone 4 hours - that's where my frustrations are going to creep in. I have to be patient though and not increase the hours too quickly.

    I want to thank every single one of you for your well wishes, they really do mean so much to me.

    I can't believe that within a year I have had 3 surgeries and am now (hopefully) coming out the other side. Most of you have been with me every step of the way, however, those of you that have jumped on the wagon en-route are just as precious to me. I'm speaking from the heart here guys - I really, really mean it, I would have found it so much harder without each and every one of you.

    I smile to myself when I read the posts saying how great it is that my Dr is happy for me to go back to work. My GP couldn't really care less. He says it's up to me, the NS said I could go back to work after 6 weeks if I felt like it ....... well I guess I just didn't feel like it!!

    Take care of yourselves everyone and speak soon.


  • I am so happy that it went so well at work for you !!!!! I also am extremely happy that you seem to be doing so well....this place would not rock as much if you were not a part of it so of course I am glad that you are here !!!!
  • I am so happy it went well. Please take care of yourself. Your body has been through so much. I am sure going back to work has positive and negative things but you need to put your health first and foremost.

    Best of Luck to you!!

  • :) doof, i just found your post. i was worried about you going back to work. i was hoping there had been enough time for a proper recovery. you sound full of apprehensions and doubts. i imagine that goes with having surgery. each twinge and tinkle makes you wonder if something new has happened. i hope you start to feel better soon. if you don't feel ready to go back do you have any options? take a few deep breaths when you feel anxiety heading your way. don't head for the refrigerator! and dropping by the forum is always a good thing. good luck on your upcoming return to work and i hope these other issues don't come to fruition either. Jenny :)
  • Doof,
    I had ten years off and none of us like not knowing, the complexities of improvement can of some occasions take unfamiliar turns and non so much as pain the causes and journey we will endure.

    I would expect you to be apprehensive about going back and the mode in which your future will turn if that was not so you may be too unrealistic, you have answered your own question in that your doctor may not know the answers you are looking for and if he does with any conviction I would be sceptical. Time is never easy and you are making progress from where you have been, some here get additional opportunities that prove disappointing, the option is not to take that chance and live in fear and constraint of what might happen or not.

    Take things easy and praise yourself for the good progress you have made and will continue to do so, I will never be the healthy person I was before, and in spite of this I am doing a fine job within my new capability and in spite of the daily pain I endure. I still have that just do it attitude that has got me to where I am today and will never stop fighting, even though I do not know what tomorrow will bring, I will survive, me and Gloria !

    Take care John.
  • How you feeling Doof? Hope you're getting used to work and aren't feeling as tired. Take care and let us know how you are when you get the chance :)
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,833
    Hi Sandra!
    I am so glad that you have been able to return to work and not have additional problems.
    But, please do not overdue anything. Sitck with the 4 hours a aday or whatever hours it good for you. At this point, you need to think about yourself and how you can get back into the swing of things. Rushing too quickly could spell problems down the road, Rushing because your company wants it, well, that just aint any good.
    Main thing is you are back and you are doing what you want to do.... Just keep it at your pace following your right moves
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • chicka , I know that I haven't been able to get into chat for coffee mornings because things have been super busy on my end but I just wanted you to know that I am in your corner cheering you on all the way. If you ever need me for anything then just say the word and my calender will be cleared and I will be there for as long as you need me. You are an incredibly strong woman and I admire you in many ways and I just wanted you to know that. So just because I haven't been in chat doesn't mean that I don't care because I do , from the bottom of my heart I do. You will do just fine , more than fine....love ya girl....Miki
  • Well my first week went fairly well, although I was totally exhausted after my 4 pathetic hours.

    I'm home from my 1st week at physio for the weekend, I go back again tomorrow evening for another week. It's been so good for me. I am slowly rebuilding my confidence and re-learning how to sit and walk properly. I can't tell you all how helpful the hydro is - if any of you get the opportunity to have some then jump on it (not literally - ouch)!

    The down side is that she has identified some potential problems in T2-4 - ho hum.

    Don't worry guys, with this in mind I will not be rushing to increase my hours or responsibilities at work until I know exactly what is going on.

    Thanks for all your words of encouragement. I hope you are all having a good week.

  • :) what a week! time to rest and put the week away! take the time off now and let yourself relax. the new week will be here soon enough. hope the news about your back turns out to be nothing. we can only hope. take good care! Jenny :)
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