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Help for Caregivers?

snakeladyssnakelady Posts: 1
edited 04/03/2015 - 8:48 PM in Chronic Pain
I need help.....I'm deeply in love with a man who has chronic hip and back pain, and has recently been suffering from debilitating headaches. We have, of course, a non-existent sex life and I'm trying very, very hard to establish an intimate connection with him, but he rejects me constantly. I literally do not know what to do, or how to get rid of the shameful selfish, petty feelings of anger and frustration I have towards him (I know it's wrong, but I am SO hurt by his rejection).....please, ANY and ALL advice would be incredibly appreciated! !!


  • LizLiz Posts: 7,832
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    Liz, Spine-health Moderator

    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
  • The last thing a person with chronic pain thinks about is sex. And sometimes , especially a man, the function may not even be there.
    Instead, how about offering a massage? That can be very intimate, with candles and a good pain relieving lotion. How about drawing him a bath before the massage? Things might progress from there anyways.

    Is his pain well managed? Have you gone to his appointments with him?

    Being a caregiver is tough. Hang in there.
  • Hi. It's not petty or selfish. This is a part of your lives. It's a very hard part of living with chronic pain for me. I've got a very messed-up spine & often sex is the last thing...well any physical movement...anything... is the last thing I want. If I have a headache all I want is to lay in the dark but that's me.
    As Horelady21 says, on a good day a massage would be wonderful. I find aromatherapy massage oils really help with relaxation & pain relief. If he's never tried it you could be getting closer AND helping him with his pain. I have both the massage oils & the ones you warm in the little burner. My oils are blends, you could get them to include a little something for arousal! ;-)
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
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