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Please, tell me someone can relate....

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:19 AM in Depression and Coping
I really hope that someone can relate with my situation. I feel like a child.

My husband is doing a good job picking up the slack of what I cannot do while I am recovering. BUT when he is home I feel like a child. I have ABSOLUTELY no authority over my children or my dogs and I (can't believe I am saying this)have to do what husband says. He is so stubborn and just, UGH!

Here is an example:

Last night he was watching the Brewers game with my son, which is fine. I try to set a strict bedtime with the kids because they need some kind of sleep schedule because of when school starts back up in Aug. I don't mind if they are a few minutes late here and there, but when I tried to get my hubby to get the kids to bed at 30 minutes past their bedtime I was given a nasty look and blatently told "no" (by hubby) because he was watching the game with my son.

He has no reguard for the rules I (try to) set with the kids but HEAVEN FORBID I break one of the rules he sets. I try and stand my ground but you don't know my hubby.

I feel like a child when he is home. I feel so small and insignificant. He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't take me seriously. I just feel like a damn child and I am sick of it. Before you ask, of course I hve talked to him about this. It doesn't help. The lines of communication are very open in my house. He still makes me feel like one of the children. I say one thing to the kids, he over rides it. I set certain rules, he dismisses them. I am tired of it. Why do his rules mean more then mine???? I am their parent too!!!!! I am SICK of it!!!! This is why my kids don't respect me. And it's not just with the kids either. It happens with everything! I am tired of it. I dont even want to talk to him. He has the luxury of being the IT manager at his companny so we talk all the time through instant messengers. I turned mine off today. I don't want anything to do with him today. He can just GO TO HELL!!!!

(Now don't take me too seriously) What if I start breaking one of his rules? He has a strict rule of the dogs not going on the furniture. What if I start letting them? Then when he comes home and sees that and tries to get them off the couch, but I just keep letting them. They aren't going to take him seriously are they?

I am PI$$ED! And I have no idea how to get the respect back from my kids that I rightfully deserve.



  • :jawdrop: i can relate to a point, it is the opposite here, my hubby sets rules and i over ride him to a point. example
    my son being adhd was starting to do things he wasn't, we took everything away from him pc, gameboy, tv, every thing well its summer now and adhd kids must have something to do i gave him his game boy back.
    after surgery yes was treated like a child until i snapped, quite literally, my pc decided to take a dive while formatting it, well in that time frame kids didn't want to do nothing so in a calm way, i picked up my pc and threw it out the door, kids saw me do it. i walked in each room and turned drawers out clothes piled high on the floor flipped their beds......talk about jaw dropping.......that was back in 06
    they do what i say now even when i make no sense under meds cause they know i will not put up with it...
    i hope everything gets back to normal there
    ps i do let dogs on my bed hubby hates it but what can i say they calm me down.
    soft hugs
  • Jessica,

    You know, I noticed that my dogs, who are show and hunting dogs and are remarkably well trained and mannered, have given me a hard time since I've been injured. It's like they can sense weakness and they take advantage of it. Your husband is doing just that and the kids are following suit. They can smell the weakness and are using it to their advantage.

    Talking to him is obviously doing nothing so, what can you do? What would get his attention the most? With my dogs, it was a horse whip. Before you Animal Rights folks get all upset I haven't whipped them with it- it makes a lot of noise and gets their attention! All I have to do now is reach for it and they snap to attention. They no longer need constant reminding of who's the boss, injured or not.

    So, you need to find your horse whip, that something that will get his attention and make him realize that he's not respecting you. When he comes around, the kids will too. Shame on him, and you can tell him I said that! I ain't askared of him!

    Good luck lady,

  • :) i just don't quite know about all this rule stuff. my husband and i have 27 years together and everything is pretty much an agreement, a compromise and in rare instances a demand. it makes the decision making process easy and we are very happy about the arrangement. would some marriage counseling help? to change the lines of communication and end those rules? good luck and i hope to see you around the forum! Jenny :)
  • we have had counseling. we are very open in the communications department. There are just some times that he is so damn stubborn that I want to rip his head off. Rules for the most part work in this house hold. You can also call it an agreement. We agree that the dogs stay off the furniture, no eating in beds, etc... So if you dont like the word "rule" change it to "agreement".

    sorry about sounding harsh... it's not meant to be.
  • Yes, I understand. Early in my marriage, I was young, and I liked my husband taking care of everything and making all the decisions. After all, it was what I was use to from my parents. Then I got older. I was ready to assert my independence. Well, it took a long time for my husband to adjust to the "new me". After all, I was the one who had changed. We worked on it. Things are better. Maybe you two could agree on different things that you are fully in charge of. Believe me, kids adjust. My kids know that they get away with different things with each of us.
  • Well I sent him my post to read because he asked why I hadn't talked to him all day. So we had a talk when he got home. Got everything out in the air. Yelled. Then settled down and now we are ok. He knows he's controlling me, but I can understand better. I rely on him for basicly everything so it's almost like I am a child again for a short while. I told him to stop treating me like one though. He agrees with me. We are ok now. Thanks for listening.

  • I have the exact opposite problem. My husband doesn't offer much help. We had a doozey last week and we are okay again.

    I am glad you are gettign on better.

  • Are you SERIOUS!? Man, that really sucks! And while it sucks, I know EXACTLY what you mean...
    Over the years my husband has become more controlling and less sympathetic. It makes me feel very stupid and disrespected. He overrides any decision that I make about the kids, so I have just learned not to make any decisions regarding the kids. In turn, my kids have no respect for me. It's so tuff. You feel like poop all the time and then get pooped on on top of it! I just try to keep the poop to a minimum, keep my head ducked low, and try yo make it day by day and enjoy whenever there are some 'sunny' days with less conflict.
    I do read some posts to him about bad things that others are going through, hoping that he'll get the hint. He doesn't, but maybe he will...
    I'll be thinking about you and wishing you 'sunnier' days ahead.
  • Maybe we can be pooped on together and then share stores! I sure know how it feels. Here's to sunnier days!

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