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once a criminal, always a criminal

I could cry. and have many many times. looking at both cervical and lumbar surgeries. yup, had a past. having hurt my back in 03, taking pain meds, overto,.ok, yes. addicted, yes, was I desperate, yes. and go figure, here I am today not being able to treat my pain. nowhere to run. Drs say my spine is really bad. I can barely walk, sleep etc... went to the er twice with so much pain, I thought I would die. was discharged from pain management as the er dr. prescribed oxycodone. I meet with surgeon, he gives me 90 pills. took them properly and even was good on a pill count at the methadone clinic I go to. (my choice after rehab for pills). awaiting surgery, called for refill--NO primary, NO surgeon, not anyone will help me out of pain. got turned down from a new pain management, cried. referred to another, apt may 13. ugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
thanks for le tting me vent. kathy


  • Take it one step at a time. Pain is a disease in itself. As I know. But pain also tells us when something needs mending. Use every tool you have. Ice, ice ice. Or heat. Try not to let yourself get too worked up. Hot baths help. Do you have a tens unit? If you were near I would lend you mine. Lidocaine patches???? Aspertame cream? Please try your best to relax. Stress only makes pain worse. SO much worse. Keep us updated. And you are NOT a criminal. K
  • Kathy just read a few more of your posts. I w ould be remiss if I didn't tell you are an inspiration too us all. thank you
  • is right! Try everything you can to relieve of pain, even if it looks stupid. I have tried many things; even sleeping at the table, but at fortune I have no problem with getting medications. It is kind of normal here in Croatia to proscribe narcotics and pretty cheap. I can take as much as I wish, lol, but then I would sleep most of the time.

    TENS can be very, very helpful. It relaxes muscles, helps nerves and also that feeling of streaming electrical power through the body moves your thoughts about the pain away. Try to do anything you can not to think about the pain because with thinking about pain and being in fear that it will get worse, you get depressed and go into the vicious circle of stress and pain and it just becomes a hell.

    I don't know how is it regulated in your country, but is it not possible to go to the ER and seek some immediate relief by injection of something?

    In any case, hang on, and you are NOT a criminal and should not feel guilt because you took medications that you needed to survive with awful pain.
    Scoliosis vertebrae THL
    Sy CC et CB
    Sy THS
    Sy LS chr
  • I applaud your enthusiasm and your willing spirit. We all have to stick together. It ain't easy. That's colloquial American for saying "it sucks."
  • Henry VIIIHHenry VIII Posts: 38
    edited 05/07/2015 - 5:27 AM
    At the end we thrive to get normal lives as much as we can. Even taking dozens of pills, I usually with wine or beer and every time when I go to bath I say to my partner - please come to see whether I became Whitney Houston at last! :D And anything we have is to get comfort from each other! Thanks for that Kathyy.

    Yesterday I lost my job and today I went to the awful Health Insurance Institute for where I knew there will be a list of requests what I should do to get my health insurance covered during unemployment. I had to walk, it was not so far, but got sweated and also my hands and legs were shaking (partly due to illness, partly due to fear what I would have to do to get insurance again). But, surprisingly, one young woman while seeing me like that just did all the things she needed at once. I was so relieved, and perhaps she was too while thinking: "OMG he is going to collapse here." LOL
    Scoliosis vertebrae THL
    Sy CC et CB
    Sy THS
    Sy LS chr
  • so sorry you are having this crummy experience hope it gets better real soon. Kathyy love your posts so much. You should sincerely write a book. You are beyond inspirational.

  • you guys are awesome! I am so envious of henry! but oh so happy for you . had such a bad night. got "stuck" I haad so much pain in my tailbone I couldn't move, turn over or find a "comfortable " place. I tried yelling for my husband, but with the fans and such he didn't hear m e. henry I have gone to the er twice. and so I meet with the dr again on fri, im sure he will wan t to know how long its been since I smoked. yup, in big trouble here. im just to the point having gone thru the impatience, the frustration, the depression, and a little bit of hope, im exhausted. I applaud people like kathyy. she chose to quit these stupid pills. and im stressing the word chose. kath, I cant get there until I have them or the relief that comes with them. thanks in advance for your help and support, still hangin in, kathy
  • brandysue50bbrandysue50 Baldwinsville NYPosts: 46
    I know how you feel. I'm having a really back weekend in pain. I've been feeling so paranoid thinking someone "tipped" the nyspine and wellness clinic about me to make them do a pill count on me. I don't do anything wrong and don't bother anyone. I'm yelling and screaming to myself. Im going through a bad time. I feel like there isn't going to be another time where a doctor will help me.
  • oh my God! I know whats wrong. you go to ny spine and wellness. I can totally understand because I went there and had the same sort of experience. I was a patient for many years. through some pretty rough back issues resulting in surgery in 06. fast forward to now. seems I need yet another surgery(same place) but cant do that til I have neck surgery. I ve got myself coming and going, in a lot of pain. they (nysw) were treating me non narcotically because yes, I did become addicted to them. rehab the whole bit, and I have sooooooooo much respect for them. the pain I have now sent me to the hospital twice. I was given a shot of something and it helped. they sent me home with 10 percecets (sp), but,,,,,, ii was told that spine and wellness would discharge me if I accepted the script. honestly at that point, I just didn't care. so you see how they are. I still feel like a criminal because im still being treated as such. so glad you posted and thank you kindly for listening, kathy
  • so sorry you lost your job my friend. maybe there is an even better job that awaits you :)
  • ...dies last. I had some meetings and got even better job offers, but would now use some time to consider what is easier for me in this condition but still in line with what I do and like to do. I got happy news today that my chapter on the disability law in my country in a huge book was published by the Oxford University Press and perhaps my past job became to tough at the end. Perhaps that employer made me a favor.

    Thank you all for the support! It means a lot!
    Scoliosis vertebrae THL
    Sy CC et CB
    Sy THS
    Sy LS chr
  • hope4betterhhope4better Posts: 36
    edited 05/14/2015 - 12:30 PM
    where have you been henry? I guess that's a good thing, your out doin life! hope all is well with you. meeting with surgeon tomorrow fri the 15th. ill keep u posted. as always, thanks for the s upport
  • brandysue50bbrandysue50 Baldwinsville NYPosts: 46
    edited 05/22/2016 - 6:55 PM

    5.01 You agree not to submit or post material that is harassing, libelous, abusive, threatening, harmful, or otherwise objectionable. This includes the bashing and/or name calling of medical professionals such as physicians.

    I realise this is extremely stressfull for you to deal with pain and other issues.
    Please refrain from naming and shaming of individuals and businesses

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