At the beginning of my chronic pain journey, I refused to except my situation. I turned over every rock, tried every therapy, was put on and taken off all pain related medications. Making every attempt to reclaim my life as I knew it. I think the worst day of my life was when I was told that there was nothing left.. My pain was indescribable, my life was spinning out of control. The only salvation I had was to seclude myself from the world. I became nocturnal, made every attempt to avoid people, decision making, always having to explain myself.
I pushed away most of my friends. My family were sympathetic, but I knew that it was killing them, watching me go to pieces, not being able to help. In my previous life,( before CP) I was very outgoing, always positive, always making people smile. Now I conformed to a piece of matter, that just existed.
One day I was, as usual feeling sorry for myself, secluding myself to my comfort zone. Not giving a shit about anybody or anything. My daughter entered the room, approached me, and asked if I could help her on a school project. After several attempts to get rid of her, I gave in. She definitely inherited my, never take no for an answer genes.
A few weeks later , still secluded, still feeling sorry for myself, my daughter burst into my room, stood in front of me, a smile from ear to ear ,we got an "A" she roared! If not for you I would have failed.
I realized right then there, my life still had purpose. It was like a bolt of lightning hitting me. I stopped thinking of what I lost, and started thinking of what I still had. I finally saw the future with me in it. I started slowly rebuilding my life, this time installing safeguards, so my physical needs were not over taxed, my sleeping/resting periods were respected. I reached out to others, for the first time in a long time.
As humans, we need two essential things in life to live, first; we need to create, and second, we need to assemble with others.
It is so important to take charge of your life, find that internal strength, pick yourself up, and move forward. Find that purpose of yours, it's there, you just have to find it.
If you are a survivor of a chronic illness, and found your way out of this dark period in your life.
Please reach out and share your story. If nothing else, others will see that they are not alone...