This has for me been a revelation as newbie’s we do not see or acknowledge any restriction we carry on with consummate delusion that we are normal and let anyone tell us different. Our pride drives us through this ignorance as we fluctuate from manic activity to total immobility, we think in our wisdom we are unique and devoid of the limitations of lesser mortals, we are driven, task orientated, and get the job done at all costs mostly to ourselves.
We consume medication in increasing volume to placate our legitimacy for having over-stretched our capacity, we are playing catch-up, hoping to reverse the passage of time and our own ignorance, the nearer we get to some reduction the higher the peak continues to rise. As night follows day we lay prostrate in our pain, having no acceptable reason how or why our condition has reached this sporadic peak other than the immeasurable activity we have just performed, we continue with the pendulum of opposing capacity and our Oprah moment with come.
I call it pain in the bank, I worked hard for it and am now enduring the stupidity of my actions, as a novice this no limit strategy did not work and as I have become more experienced the only person that endures this travesty is myself.
Pacing is my life now, my wants list has been reduced by half and my needs list has daily restriction on it also, it may now be called my can do list, I rest prior to the increase of pain and mornings for me are better, sleep as for most dramatically effects my ability to perform and I have to live within these restriction. As my physical capability diminishes that option of alternatives is restricted as a consequence and the decision has been taken for me, we are all frustrated by the things that we could do and will never do again, the acceptance of this change is hard and difficult and not without frustration anguish and loss. Developing better pacing strategies has and does take some effort and acceptance and daily evaluation, those accumulative over activities do increase our pain and restrict the availability of doing anything at all in the recovery stage which can be disproportionate to the little activity we gleaned and as consequence of doing a bit extra. A little extra does not equate to a little recovery, far from it.
I have been ably support by my close family who have taken some of the responsibility in doing some of the tasks I am now unable to do, and I thank them, they are supportive recipients of my restriction and every mindful of how not being able to do the family activities we once could, makes me feel and we are helping each other.
Keep pacing every day and less is more, be kind to yourself.