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Looking for support, lonely, scared, angry, young

SadAthleteSadAthlete Toronto Ontario Posts: 41
edited 10/11/2015 - 4:36 AM in Chronic Pain
I feel like my youth and life has been taken from me, its like im the only one out of everyone I know who has a condition like mine that restricts them from pretty much everything. While everyone else is at the gym lifting, or training for there next marathon I am just struggling to stand on one leg at work somedays. I am thankful that I can do a little bit of resistance training and go in the pool but still, my condition lingers 24/7

One year ago I had a bad back muscle pull in the weight room, woke up the next day with spasms etc.... Two weeks later the neuro symptoms down my right side started and got progressively worse. I used to be a runner, cyclist, I loved athletics and living a healthy active lifestyle. I haven't even started my career yet, managing the burning pain while I stand at work is just to much emotionally at times. I can't believe this has happened to me, I feel so alone at times, no one understands.... Im reaching out on here today after being a member for a while because im just so sad inside. I miss the old me so much, its like my sense of reality has been altered and all I feel is emptiness with this chronic condition. How does a young body like mine fall apart so easy, I always struggled with running injuries during my 13 year career but I never thought my back would go on me like this.

I have seen two sports doctors, neurologist, back specialist, massage, chiropractor, had mri/emg/blood work and doing physiotherapy at the moment which is doing nothing really it seems . I have paid for all this therapy out of pocked at stuff to as i am not insured. How does a young guy like me who's just barely started life cope, I just don't know how..... I am seeing a psychiatrist at the end of this month, pain management doctor as well. I just want to hear peoples voices on here etc...
Continue to suffer from alignment issue and myofasical pain in rib cage and pelvic area.
Nerve pain and back pain are more stable these days but still get flare ups.


  • I can relate.

    I am now 25 years old and have been dealing with pain almost my whole life but the past 5 or 6 years have been severe.

    I was born with a plexus (shoulder) injury on my left arm leaving me with limited movement and about 50% strength. In the later years of high school I began to develop a back pain which lead to chronic pain in my lower back. I'm still dealing with that. Three years ago my right arm (the good arm) began to fail me as i got a mild nerve pain which ran down my arm, swelling in the shoulder and pain in the shoulder joint with pain now going up to my neck.

    I've been in and out of clinics for the past 6 years seeing doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, surgeons and a lot of specialist. I've gone through multiple MRI, x-ray's , EMR (nerve test), steroid injections etc. Nothing and nobody can explain the pain or my condition. I live in a country with broken healthcare where doctors and specialist don't have time or funding to research each person thoroughly. Instead if you don't fit their criteria they will just send you to the next one.

    I was and still am an athletic person, I cycle , go to the pool and do yoga etc. But the pain has limited my activities greatly, I used to be in fencing, for 8 years, my passion but because of the pain I had to quit. I used to play the guitar. I currently work in IT in healthcare and love computers but each day at work is excruciating because of the pain in my arm.

    So like you I'm kinda getting at the end of the road here. I feel like I have tried everything. I'm constantly angry, scared and the worst is that I have watch my family and my girlfriend slowly become helpless because of the condition. My advice is to keep talking about your situation as it progressis (for better or worse). If you feel like you can't speak to a family member then speak to a psychologist or someone who can listen. Make a plan, what you have been doing and what you are going to try next, it helps..

    If you want to talk, please send me a line.
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,476
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  • I'm new here, and as I read your post, this is the exact reason I joined. I think voicing your feelings, even if to complete strangers is a step in the right direction. I've been fighting chronic neck problems for over 2 years now. I don't feel like its something I can discuss with my circle. so I'm here. Hopefully pain management can help you. They helped me quiet a bit. **hope you find relief.
  • I don't know how old you are but I'm 39 and I also feel like I'm too young for this as many of us do on this site. I have been active all my life , a trainer , kickboxing instructor,spinning instructor just a gym rat for a long long time and I've been down completely for approximately 5 months with pain and then surgery. I was injured in a wreck at 16 and everything was up hill battle when it happened and each time I irritated my back, Keeping a positive mind frame is hard but sooooo necessary. I wish you luck with pain management because unfortunately it never helped me. I told all my fitness friends on Facebook that I love them but I have to hide them for now because their fitness posts were making me hate them lol . No one understands how sad it makes you to not be able to workout unless they too share your passion so I completely understand but keep your head , this too shall pass.
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 5,476
    Welcome to Spine-Health
    Please click on link for helpful information!
    Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • I'm so sorry you're in this much pain and you feel like you're life is unfair. I understand this all to well.

    To cut a really long story short : Ive had chronic pain since I was 22. I've had 2 herniated discs, root blocks, adhesion removals, spinal surgeries for said disc and unlimited hours of physiotherapy. But at 27, I am still unable to get off this bed and get a job or study further or do anything that requires standing/sitting for long hours. It feels like crap and I know that. Your friends, as understanding as they are, have these healthy lives where they can travel or enter marathons or make plans while you need to see where your pain level is at even to commit for dinner.

    But you're not alone. That's the best thing about this forum. People are honest and descriptive of their lives and you feel a sense of kinship because what happened to you is unfair and terrible but there are people out here who help beautifully in managing it.

    I hope you start feeling better soon. Pain management has a lot of empathic doctors who understand the half lives we live. Life is as young as we want it to be, or thats the way I ve thought it. I'm going to live my 30's like my 20's

    Take care of yourself
  • Sad Athlete I totally know where you are coming from. I was an athlete all my life and my passions are/were swimming, running (both of which I competed in starting in elementary school), skiing and cycling. I have taught skiing for 42 years but it is only because I have so much will power and love it so much that I can still do it at all. And I am limited in what I do do. As an athlete my ultimate achievement was to qualify for and compete in the Ironman Triathlon World Championships in Kona. I came in 2nd in my age group (and this was after my accident but before everything started really deteriorating. I can no longer run and have difficulty riding but still swim and compete occasionally.

    It took a long time for me to separate me from my athletic accomplishments because they defined me. Finally I read something that said "We don't get the opportunity to live the life we used to have". That really hit home. No its not fair but I try to focus on what I can do. I swim a lot. That doesn't mean that I love the life I have. But its so much negative energy to focus on what happened and how it ruined my life.

    I was knocked unconscious by a snowboarder (a hit and run no less) and ended up with my spine fused L1-S1, both SI joints fused, a concussion a the time as well as the cartilage in both knees torn (surgery required) and a bruised kidney. The spine fusions didn't happen til my spine started collapsing in on itself.

    I am not pain free but it is so much better than it used to be. I hate pain killers but I take what I have to to have some quality of life and some days are better than others. I still work on my resentment to this unknown snowboarder.

    This group is full of people just like us and when I read about someone who is worse off than I am I feel thankful for what I can still do. Its ok to feel frustrated and it is very positive that you are seeing a psychiatrist. I see one regularly and have for years.

    I have been thru many doctors, PT's, pain management doctors, acupuncturists, etc. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right one. Mine was an 18 year process.

    Please PM me if I can be of any help to you or you just need to vent. Its good to get it out.

    L4/L5 laminectomy, L4/L5 360 fusion with instrumentation, L1 to L5 fusion, L5/S1 fusion w/ disc replacement, left and right SI joints fused.
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