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Starting Over

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:19 AM in Matters of the Heart
I know I want to say something but I am really having trouble putting my thoughts into words. I've had back problems for over a decade and it has made my marriage difficult at times. Last year, after a very nice respite of several years, my back gave up again and my fusion disintegrated. Since then it has been a constant struggle and has impacted my marriage. So, after 13 years together and raising 4 wonderful children, it's over. My husband is done.

So here I am, unable to work, just approved for long term disability but we all know that's not a lot of money and I'm not sure how I feel. Next month I am moving in with my daughter and my son-in-law. I am so lucky that they are there for me and I can't complain about the location because they live in Hawaii. But at the same time, while I am so very glad to be able to go stay with them, I can't believe that he is willing to throw away all these years.

Here's to starting over and getting the priviledge of doing it from the sunny beaches of Oahu. What better place to try to get back on my feet! In a short 5 weeks, my entire life will have changed. I guess it's time for a new era and a new road. I hope I can do this.


  • Although you are going thru a difficult time, you look at the positive. Way to go. You will be able to do this. I'm sorry to hear that the fusion failed. I pray for a speedy recover from many things for you.

    take care,

  • Thirteen years is a long time. You are right; you will be going thru many changes. You have been dealt a hard blow on top of your back and neck struggles. So, please allow your self time to grieve the loss of your marriage. I know that this will be hard because of your health problems, moving in with your daughter, etc.

    It sounds like you have raised a wonderful daughter and have a fine son-in-law. That says a lot about how hard you have worked on top of all of your back problems.

    Please keep us posted; PM if you'd like. You've been thru more than this, and you can do it. May God Bless You--Mazy
  • Thanks so much for your kind words. I know I will need to grieve but right now I feel like I am still just in shock.

    I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful daughter, or son-in-law, but I am so very grateful that they are there for me. I don't think I could do this on my own.

    Right now I am just going to try to focus on the move and try to see it as exciting and look forward to being with my daughter again. We've always been very close and I have missed her very much since her husband has been stationed in Hawaii.

    After all, if I have to start over (and obviously I do), what better circumstances than to be living in paradise surrounded by the ones that love me most?

    Got to hang on to the good stuff. I'll save the crying for later.
  • I know that you are ok, that you contain everything that you will ever need within yourself.

    One Love,

  • Hey Cathy,

    Anything I try to say to you right now is going to sound completely futile. I know exactly how you feel because my husband did the same to me, after 3 years of my back problems he upped and left me. I felt like I would die from grief and I often felt like it would have been easier if he had died that trying to cope with the rejection. We didn't have children - I still cannot decide if that was a good thing or not. It doesn't matter what age your children are, they still love and need their Mum so you will find a way of getting through this by focussing on them. You don't want to hear it, but the pain WILL ease, I promise you. I still think about my husband often, and if I'm honest at times I still miss him too, but I've moved on in my life and in my emotions.

    Just take it a day at a time (my new philosophy in life!) and allow yourself to grieve. If you need to talk to someone who has been there, please PM or email me. And that is not a hollow promise, if there is anything at all I can do to help you know where I am.

    Huge hugs and a strong shoulder, Spicey
  • One day at a time is my philosophy too, especially dealing with all the health problems. My daughter is very excited to have me moving in with her. She says that since I took care of her all her life, it is her turn and she doesn't care if I ever move out. And, I've talked with my son-in-law and he says he can't wait for me to get there. So, I just have to keep my focus on the positive.

    It's just hard. It's really hard and I find myself thinking about how I would never do this to him. I would do whatever it took to help take care of him if the situation was reversed. He's always been a trucker and I've always been home waiting on him, raising the kids, paying the bills, etc. Now I wonder "for what"? What was I waiting for? For this?

    So, yeah, the feeling of rejection sucks. It's like he just wants me out of his way.

    I'm normally a positive person, and I'll get there about this too. After all, lots of people would love to live in Hawaii and I'm sure I'll love it too. :)
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