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Looking for support

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:19 AM in Matters of the Heart
Hello everyone I hope you are all doing well.
I got a new job (start next week) and am happy. I am starting a job as a CNA (certified nurse assistant) at a nursing home. I thought my family would be happy too. Just about everyone is except one of the people that it would mean the most to me if he were. Instead of my father being happy for me, he gets mad. My own cousins and brother in law is happier for me than my father is. I get a lecture of how I dont trust him (my dad) because I went and got a checking account(job only does direct deposit) and how he doesnt need me or the money, plus more. I EVEN asked him if I could apply for the job before I did it. Shows that he didnt think I was going to get the job. He makes fun and calls me a butt wiper, it hasnt bother me too much before (when he would do it when I was in clinicals),but I cant take it anymore, I am feedup with it. I would think I would be us to his actions by now, 20 years of living with it, but it is really just getting to me. I got steriods injections in my neck yesterday, they must be messing with my emotions. I just need help understanding, and support from people who I know care.
Thank you


  • good luck with your new job...
  • :) hi! you are 20 years old. why are you so concerned with your fathers feelings? that is not your job. you are at a time in your life when you need to think on your own and start a new life. darn right you should have a separate checking account!!! and if you are in pain you need support, not to be giving it to others right now. girlfriend, you need to cut the apron strings and start living your own life. you have chronic pain and need to start focusing on treatment and taking care of your self every day. and you are starting a new job!!! please step back and take a look at your present situation. think about some changes and i am sure you would feel better!!! good luck and i will see you around the forum! Jenny :)
  • I am from a very close family and I bend over backwards to try and keep my family members happy, often at my own expense - and I'm 35 years old! It is really hard to stomach when you don't get the support you need from those who are closest. My only thought on why he's behaving this way is that he feels threatened by what may the start of your independence. You will be earning your own money and it's going into your own account. It's a step away from you relying on him. Just try to say to him in a non-argumentative way that you are being hurt by what he's saying to you. For what it's worth I think it's a wonderful job that you have got and I'm sure you will find it very rewarding. Give your father some time, and he will come round. Make sure that you reassure him that you still love him and that having a new job isn't going to change that.

    Good luck with the job, I'm sure you'll be great! Don't let anyone take away your excitement. Hugs, Spicey
  • Hooray on your new job! try to put the negativity aside and focus on what YOU need to do to get yourself in a good place in this world. You are and adult, not a child, and it sounds like your pop has some control issues. If you earn a paycheck it's yours- it doesn't matter where it goes or what you do with it. If you have obligations to him such as borrowed money that needs to be paid back, assure him that you will take care of those and go on with getting on with your life.

    Now go get em!

  • Congrats on the new job! I hope that you enjoy it immensely and prove to your father that you're more than a "butt-wiper".

    Secondly, try not to let what your father says bother you...I know I'm guilty of the exact same thing as my parents aren't exactly what you would call "supportive"...But you have to do what makes you happy and maybe there's a way you can kindly tell your father that while maybe his comments are made in jest, they really do hurt your feelings and could damage your relationship.

    If he doesn't stop, maybe you should cease communication with him for a while...Not permanently, but enough so that he knows he needs to stop those insensitive comments. It's your life, you need to do what makes you happy...Of course, I'm not so great at following my own advice, but we're here if you need to vent ANYTIME!

    Good luck with the new job, I hope it's just what the doctor ordered for you! (so to speak!)
  • I agree with all of the comments above - but I think most people never stop seeking acceptance from our parents, weather we acknowledge it or not. Of course you want his support. Maybe there is a bit of jealousy that you're branching out? Maybe he's having a tough time acknowledging you are an adult? Silly perhaps, just looking for an angle. Either way, congrats and good luck!!!
  • Good luck with your new job. I think that the best thing that you can do is go out do this job the best that you can do and surround yourself with people who love and support you. Don't let poeple like that bring you down, family or not. Stay strong! And vent anytime.


  • I'm 45 and even though my parents are proud of me, I never stop trying. Growing up, every decision (except for one) I made was made after considering how Mom or Dad would feel about it. The first time I did something against their wishes was when I married my first husband. I should have known they were right! He was a total A-Hole.
    But that was then.
    We all have our issues with our parents, 8813. I am glad for your new job, checking account and independence. Best wishes for you all the way around (and back again)!

  • I wanted to start by thanking you all for your support. This is why I love the people here at this forum so much. I am still annoyed by his reactions but am just going to do the best that I can do to prove him wrong. I think part of the problem is that my father is having problems letting go of control. This isnt my first job. I use to/still work at a tobacco store that he owns. Any of my pay checks I would get I would give to him because he pays for everything (still live with my parents). The only reason for the checking account was because my new job only does direct deposit, and didnt want to be pulling from my savings account every few days for gas and food. I am only trying to futher myself in my career(hope to become a nurse in a few years) and to help pay more bills. I always feel guilty when ever I go to the doctor and have had all these test and procedures, hopefull I wont feel so guilty any more. So I dont understand what the problem is. One of my sisters says that he may see it as a failure in himself, but I dont see how. I should be use to the disappoval and never being/doing good enough by now, he has been this way my whole life.

    So orientation is thursday, and I start the job Friday. I hope that I physically can do the job. I was okay when I did my clinicals; but that was only 3 hours a day not 8, and before my neck pain. ESI didnt work in my neck and all of my pain has returned. I go back to the doctor tuesday (29th) and will have worked already 3 days by then; this will be good, that way I know how much pain I am in from working, and can discuss my treatment options.
    Thank you all again and sorry for writing too much.
  • Be careful that you set boundaries with your superiors with what you can and can't do - especially lifting. My best friend was a CNA for a while and she is a much healthier person than I, and she would be exhausted and sore after work. You do have to lift patients in and out of bed, into wheelchairs, etc. She worked very, very long days (swing shift 6 am to 10 pm Friday, Saturday and Sunday, but full time benefits), so that may have had something to do with it. Please be careful with your back, I can't even lift a few pounds, let alone a 100-200lb person.

    This will open so many doors for you! My friend didn't last long, it really took a toll on her emotionally, but she decided to use her knowledge and really do somethig special with her remaining few years in college, rather than just getting a degree. She, too, was going to get into nursing, but she was sickened with the way the nursing home was run that she decided to change her major - for the better! This summer she got a really prestigous internship working in cancer research. I hope your nursing home is better than hers, but I think you need to brace yourself for what you may see/hear/witness other people do. Her work as a CNA really looked good on her college applications and internship/lab position applications, and I imagine that when she goes to Grad School it will help with that, also. Good luck and best wishes.
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