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Sex And Surgery

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:19 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
Well last night for the first time since surgery we had sex. Well sort of.

I could feel nothing. Absolutly nothing. When he asked if I was ok I just burst into tears because I was completly numb. Its like that whole area is no longer conected to the rest of my body.

Is it going to be like this forever? will i ever be able to get any feeling back? I so wanted to get back to being like a normal couple I never imagined it would have been such a complete disaster.

Some of you will know I had discectomy 10 june. I have been left with numbness in left leg/foot and no bowel/bladder control. Surgeon said it is down to damage to nerves insurgery as disc had compressed nerve and then stuck to it. As inflammation from the sugery goes down nerves will recover and feeling will come back. I see him again on tuesday and this will add another page of questions for him.

Has anyone had any problems like this? is there a way back for me?

Feeling completely useless.



  • Oh Jaycee, i am sorry to hear it wasn't what you were hoping for. :(
    It is still early days, only going on 6 weeks for you so be patients (yep it is hard) and be gently on yourself.

    Have you been given any anti-inflamatory meds? That might help and would be worth asking the Dr about at your next visit.

    Hope something comes your way to help

    Blessings Sara
  • I know it's scary as heck right now because of what you experienced. I've been going through a similar problem (ED) caused from surgery. If you just had surgery on June 10th, give it more time. The nerves take a while to come around.

    There are certain PT's out there that specialize in sexual dysfunction and may be able work with you if this continues to be a problem. They don't really advertise in the phone book, but if you are seeing a PT, let them know what you are going through. Don't worry about being embarassed by telling them. They will try their best to help you out any way they can. I was a little nervous telling my PT that surgery caused my ED because for one, it was personal, but two, she was dang attractive and I didn't want her to think I was some type of pervert looking for attention. But, I'm glad I did because she did some different exercises for me to do and gave me referals that I wouldn't have had if I didn't say something to her.

    You're doing the right thing by keeping notes to ask your doctor. As hard as it may be, be patient for now. Are you still taking any medications?

    Several Epidurals, L4-S1 360 ALIF, Numerous Facet Joint Injections, RFA x2
  • I had a three level fusion 23 weeks ago. Sex is hard just due to the fact, I can't move. (women, you know what I mean...) It's a real drag for me. Thank God my hubby understands. It just looks like I'm not enjoying it myself. But I guess it makes him happy.

    I've explained my "non-movement" situation to my PT, and she's working with me on that. Doing pelvic tilts, bridging, buttock lifts, stuff like that. Just so I can "move my hips" again would be nice, without pain.

    Although I remember before surgery, we couldn't do it al all. It was really painful for me to move in any position. That was one way I really "made a point" to my attorney, that really clciked with him. (being a male lol) I told him, "I can't even make love to my husband". But that was back when we were fighting the work-comp idiots about me needing surgery. Thats all in the past. Ended up by-passing all the work-comp surgeons after waiting 11 months, fired my ex-attorney. Went in to my OWN insurance provider, got the much needed surgery, and hired 2 new attorneys. My point was, when I mentioned that to my ex-attorney, boy he really snapped. It was funny...

    In the meantime, just give yourself some MORE time to heal. These surgeries are all about patience, patience, patience...keep a smile on your husbands face, (it's really the only way) cause he's also having to deal with your situation and pain. Your situation will come along with time. I sure hope mine does...
  • I know exactly what you're going through. Between nerve damage and pain meds it's impossible to feel like you did before the whole back thing got started. I always tease my husband about being married to a 90 year old. With my issues, there's still decreased feeling and unfortunately any wrong movement or "success" (which is hard won) causes unbearable pain. Things usually end up in tears. As everyone says...it really is about patience. It takes a while for nerves to "come back", and giving yourself credit for all that you've been through can make that time easier. Take care of your husband so that he can still appreciate you (in other ways that aren't painful or frustrating to you), and have him make you feel better in other ways like back or foot rubs. I've been married almost 20 yrs and sometimes I think foot rubs are BTS! ;)
    Time will hopefully improve things, in the meantime let it go for a while. I found that each time I tried I was more frustrated and embarrassed. Your husband will understand.
    :) -Andrea
  • Jaycee have you tried therapy? That might help.

  • Jaycee have you tried therapy? That might help.

  • Jaycee, I have the same problem and have been embarassed to talk to my OS about it. I am so glad you started this post so all of us who have this problem can get some encouragement. Just last night my husband and I both ended up in tears because I can't feel anything there and he so wants to please me. I never thought PT would help a sexual problem but I am willing to try anything now. Keep the advice coming every one!
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