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I'm losing it...

TatiyanaTTatiyana Posts: 194
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:26 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
After trying for months trying to stay positive & complain little I am just about ready to lose it.

My ALIF / decompression whatever surgery is in 2 days, and I am trying to get prepared for surgery (mentally & literally) and it seems my family adding as much stress as they can right now.

My 20 yr old daughter is planning to marry her BF in my living room 9 days post op (NOT happy about my daughter getting married while I am recovering!), my 18 yr old daughter has just called me & is at a car dealership trying to buy a car & wants us to sign over the title..blah, blah, blah...and my husband can't figure out why I want him to help clean the house & help me get ready for our family Christmas tonight (since I will be in the hospital on Christmas)

I feel like putting out a bowl of Doritos & calling it a party tonight - forgetting about all the special touches I normally do and letting them all celebrate in a cluttered, undusted, unswept house.

Okay, I am rambling but I am about to throw in the towel. I am soooo nervous about surgery on MOnday but can't wait to be knocked out & let everyone do their thing.



  • Sorry to hear girl! Seems like people, even family, really and truly don't realize what they have until it's taken away! And they may realize that when you're laying out, doped up on meds post-op, and can't move! I say, throw in the towel and let them have a day in the dust... just shrug your arms and say "You better get used to it!"
  • Tatiyana Sweetie, listen to the voice of wisdom. Forget about your family just once, it is time to concentrate on yourself. First get the family together and have a very serious talk with them. Tell them that you are undergoing a serious surgery and you'll need their total support. Understandably you are nervous, so they should try to help you to make it easier for you. Explain to them that you are going to have a long recovery, and their job is to make as easy for you as possible. Warn them that some days you may be complete b**ch, but it is nothing personal, they should accept is as part of your recovery.
    Then try to relax. Forget about cleaning, or doing anything around the house, it can wait, or better still, your family can do it. Listen to some soothing music, meditate, talk to friends who are able to lift your spirit, in other word do something that would help you to relax. It may be hard, but you still need to remind yourself that your surgery will go just fine, and you are going to get better with time.

    I'll be thinking of you on Monday. Good luck with your surgery, and please keep us posted.

    Gentle hugs,


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  • Sounds like good advice to me! Give them a taste of what it's going to be like! After surgery, you won't notice if the house is filthy because you'll be too doped up.

    My husband asked me if I was "nesting" right before I had fusion surgery. He couldn't get it in his caveman head that the house needed to be in order for me to be happy and relaxed. I hyperventilated the whole way to the hospital and he figured it out then. Next surgery he helped me clean the house before-hand.
  • Leave it to teenagers and men to not have a clue! You do as little as possible to get through today and then turn all focus on to yourself and your surgery and recovery. Have a talk with the family about your surgery and recovery and make it clear they will have to pull the weight of the house, the wedding, etc. Your job post-op is to heal and that alone. You do not need the added stress of any of this and they need to realize that. I have a feeling they are just assuming you will be up and about like usual as soon as you get home from the hospital. NOT! They are in for a rude awakening, if they don't figure it out ahead of time. I wish you peace and healing, please come here for support and to vent. We understand totally. >:D< Cali-Sue
  • they need to deal with it. Let them see what a value you are. And let them do it themselves. You need to worry about YOU, and no one else at this point.

    I am so sorry you are going through this. I can totally relate as the "wife and Mom". But you need to worry about yourself right now, and let the able body people worry about everything else.

    I know now (I re-read your post) that your party is well underway.... I hope it went well. :)

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