I am feeling very down today. I've never put all this in one place before, but feel the need to do it now and perhaps this isn't the right venue, but I don't have any place else to put it. Sorry if it's too long or depressing, just have to put it somewhere.
I grew up in a very loving family: mom, dad, three brothers, two sisters - the Brady Bunch you might say. I've always been the peace keeper in the family and got along with everyone even though they may not have gotten along with each other sometimes. But I'm the youngest of them all, and perhaps I wore rose-colored glasses. My mom, one of my sisters, Mary Lynn, and I were particularly close and called ourselves The Three Muskateers - we went to breakfast and then garage saleing every Saturday and were always there for each other. Mary Lynn and I even "watched" TV together on the phone.
My father and I owned a graphic arts company together for over 5 years and he taught me everything I know about the commercial art business. I'm still in it to this day.
16 years ago, my father died of complications of emphysema on Jan. 30. 11 years ago, my mom had a stoke and we had to take her off life support on Dec. 6, one day before her Wedding Anniversary with my father. 6 years ago, my sister, Mary Lynn, my last Musketeer left, committed suicide on Jan. 9. I believe she couldn't deal with the death of my mother - but what about leaving me? 1 year ago, my brother Eric died after heart issues due to diabetes on Dec. 20 (but his story is a very long one).
In essence, I've had someone I love die every 5 years for the past 20 years. And all around the holidays. I try to keep up a good face for my husband, but it's difficult. He doesn't like to see me down and oddly, doesn't understand why I would be. My husband is the absolute best, but his family (mom, 3 brothers and 1 sister) has never sent me a card or a phone call during any of this over the years. Not one condolense, or call of comfort.
And now, here I sit, 8 weeks out of surgery and I'm having chronic pain and I'm thinking how much life can suck. Everyone's saying "Happy Holidays" and "Have a Good Christmas" and it makes me want to run and hide under the covers in my bed. Things that happen can really take it out of you, you know? Why does this have to happen? How much does someone have to take?
Ok, pity party's got to end. I'm sorry for the long, depressing post. I've just kinda had it right now and like I said, had to put it somewhere and think there might be some of you who understand. Sometimes things just overwhelm you and take over. Thanks for listening. Tomorrow's another day.