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AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,578
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:31 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
I am bloody miserable! I am sitting at work almost in tears... I wish I could go home and painkiller myself up. I am so depressed I could sleep for a week. My surgery is scheduled for 5/19. I go for my pre-op checkup on Tuesday with my PCP. Is this depression normal? I am already on Prozac for it... I have so much to do to get ready for the surgery. I have to cook meals for the freezer, re-arrange my bathroom to make room for a walker and the raised seat, get everything at waist level and clean the house one last time. I dont have the will or energy to do any of it! I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. My hubby is great, but I can't expect him to do it all. Thats all I need is him stressed out even more than he already is. Its bad enough we have turned into roomates over all of this instead of husband and wife. We exist together.. that is about it. Damn my genetics.


  • I know the last few weeks before my surgery, I was miserable. All I can say is hang in there. I will say a little prayer for you
  • i love the fact that your posting from work...
    cheer up, depression is normal bothe before surgery, and after...there is alot of stress involved! share with your husband. i know you guys are newlyweds, but if you can make it through this, you will make it through most anything! team work, honesty, and openness is key to any relationship. more so with chronic pain. you are not wonder woman, and it is ok to ask for help!

    sending hugs!
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  • that you're feeling so bad. I think depression is common before surgery and especially with the problem in the marriage. Maybe after the surgery he'll be in the "I'm taking care of her" mode, which makes a man feel useful. They just need to fix things and have a hard time when they can't.

    I found that two days before my surgery I was so nervous that I cleaned the entire house and did major errands (got a new robe, got a hair cut, bought groceries, etc.) because I couldn't stand doing nothing and thinking about it too much. It's like I got this huge rush of adrenelin and I think I even forgot about the pain during those two days.

    Anyway, I hope you feel better.
  • It's great that you are sharing your feelings and looking for support. Hope our answers are helpful.

    I'm 6+ wks post surgery. I've been exactly where you are.
    Pain was so bad before surgery that I would attempt to do something and couldn't finish anything. Like you I wanted everything perfect so that recovery would be easier.

    I had my surgery 4+hours away from home. That was good in tons of ways. Visitors didn't visit, they sent flowers/cards and phone calls. I have had visitors since coming home, but still don't want visitors as much as I want to get well.

    My husband is a great caregiver and works very hard and long at his business. I could see dust forming on objects in our home, I never heard the vacuum cleaner running. But guess what.....he can't do everything and there will be a time that I can clean again.

    Having the surgery has eliminated all of my presurgery pains in my back, legs and feet. I do hurt a lot near the surgery site....but no wonder with the extensive surgery they did.

    Cleaning, cooking, anything domestic is a passion of mine.
    But, I've promised myself that I won't do a thing the dr. has told me not to do until he gives me full permission.

    He did tell me at my post op visit that I can gradually ease myself back into routine, but the pain really limits me and I'm giving in and will wait awhile longer.

    I almost backed out of the surgery several times, didn't tell anyone, but I'm so thankful that I proceeded forward

    I hope your surgery will correct all the problems, just try to be patient. Good books, good movies, and tons of patience will get you through the recovery period.

    Good luck
  • It has been a year now since my surgery and I have finally been released back into the world. I remember oh so well the feelings that I had before the surgery. I would be at work and all that I could think about is what was about to happen. I couldn't concentrate at all on my work. I could only think about things like how is my husband going to take care of our daughter who was only 3 at the time, how is my husband going to take care of all the house chores, cook, clean, run all the errands, work, basically do everything while I just lay there. It was really scary. I thought that our relationship was going to crash.
    I was so surprised at how well he took care of me, the house, our daughter. I feel in love with him all over again. I can truely say that I am blessed with a wonderful man. My worries were for nothing. He got up in the morning, got our daughter ready for daycare, made me breakfast, came home at lunch to make me lunch, made sure that I had my meds ready, kept the house clean, ran all the errands, bought me a new recliner as a surprise present so that I can relax in the livingroom,ect... He was the best. I couldn't expect better.
    I was worried that after the surgery our relationship would be on a rocky road but instead we are closer now than ever. Its been a year on April 29th. It was a tough year, but well worth it. I feel great now, my marriage couldn't be better and I can now live a normal life.
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  • Thank you for posting such a positive response! You sound like a lovely person and I'm glad it all worked out for you.

    Kaz...you don't need to cook and freeze meals! Give yourself a break, you didn't do anything to bring this on, its useless to feel guilty for things which aren't your fault. You don't state guilt, but I read between the lines. We women have such a hard time letting stuff in the house go, but guess what? We can! And should! It will wait. No worries, you'll be okay. Damn all of our genetics!
  • I thought of preparing casseroles for us after coming home from surgery, but glad I didn't. I did go to the groc. store several times and stock up on many things, but the walking got to be such a problem that I couldn't do everything I wanted to.

    My hubby was/is wonderful. He cooked (didn't clean as he was too tired from hard work). He made sandwiches a lot. LOL He promised we wouldn't go hungry.

    Friends and family offered to bring in food and some did. But we told them it was just the 2 of us and we weren't eating that much.

    After surgery my taste is so weird...hope it changes. I just don't like the taste of most things....

    I wake up during the night and he has gotten out of bed and come over to my side and is straightening the covers and covering me up, fixing the wonderful long foam wedge that we put against my back. Actually he puts a pillow on my back and then secures the wedge tight against the pillow.

    They gave me the wedge in the hospital and it has been great. I like to lie on my right side and this gives me the comfort and support like nothing else.

    I wake up during the night in pain and look at my husband and he is looking at me. I think this surgery has been almost as difficult for him as it is for me.

    Just try not to worry about the house. If you can afford to have a cleaning lady during your recovery, great. I don't want anyone doing my work....so it will have to wait until I recover. Getting there and doing a little more each day, but it is a long recovery.

    I keep reminding myself that dust on furniture is a fine protective coating ( LOL )and that nobody notices a clean house, but they will notice one not clean. Oh well.

    Try to take care of yourself and get better.
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